Family is an exceedingly important part of Laurie Frankel’s This is How it Always is. The novel tells the story of Rosie and Penn and their family, and the lengths Rosie and Penn are willing to go to make sure their five children are happy, healthy, and safe. The importance of family is first reflected when Rosie and Penn name their oldest son Roosevelt after his grandfather, and it is later reflected in Rosie’s desire for a daughter, so she can name her Poppy after her sister, who died of cancer when they were just kids. Naming her daughter Poppy would keep Rosie connected to her beloved sister, allowing a small part of Poppy to live on even after her death. Rosie’s mother, Camry, is also a big part of Penn and Rosie’s life, and she visits the children during summers and over Christmas vacations. What’s more, family and the support it provides proves to be essential when Rosie and Penn discover that their son, Claude, is transgender. Through This is How it Always is, Frankel highlights the significance of family and ultimately argues there is nothing more important, even if being a part of one isn’t always easy.
When Claude first discovers he is transgender, his family supports him unconditionally, which underscores the significance of family in the novel. Penn and Rosie are willing to do whatever they must to make sure Claude feels accepted regardless of his gender, including letting Claude wear a dress to school and carry one of Camry’s old purses. Claude is their child, and Penn and Rosie want Claude to know that they love him no matter what. After Claude decides to wear a dress to school, his brothers Ben and Roosevelt, or Roo for short, “stage an intervention.” Ben and Roo beg Penn and Rosie not to let Claude wear a dress. They know it is important to accept Claude no matter what, and they do, but they know other kids won’t be so accepting. A dress is bound to get Claude beat up, and Ben and Roo don’t want to see their brother suffer, which again speaks to the importance of familial solidarity and support in the novel.. After Claude makes his transformation into Poppy and lives as a girl, Roo beats up Derek McGuiness, a kid at school who says disparaging things about transgender people. “That’s. My. Sister. You’re. Talking. About. Asshole,” Roo says as he beats Derek. Poppy is Roo’s sister, and he won’t let anyone say bad things about her, even indirectly.
However, Penn, Rosie, and their kids discover that supporting Poppy unconditionally isn’t always easy. Once Poppy begins to wear dresses in kindergarten when she is still Claude, her brothers Orion and Rigel take a lot of abuse for being the brothers of the kid in a dress. “Your little gay brother is so gay,” the kids say cruelly to Orion and Rigel. Poppy’s brothers, however, never complain, and they never blame Poppy for the other kids’ actions, which highlights their connection as siblings. When Rosie and Penn decide they must move across the country to Seattle to keep Poppy safe, Roo is miserable. He doesn’t want to leave the life he has in Madison, but in the end, he knows that he must. Going to Seattle is what is best for Poppy, so Roo does it, even though it is hard. After Poppy is outed as transgender in Seattle, Rosie takes several days off from work, even though she knows taking time off might get her fired. Rosie chooses Poppy over her job, because as Rosie’s child, Poppy is more important than anything else.
After Rosie and Penn move their family to Seattle for Poppy’s safety, Roo grows more and more distant and unhappy. Making him move just because it is what Poppy needs isn’t fair, and he wants his mother and father to recognize that. Rosie agrees—it is terribly unfair that Roo is forced to move because of Poppy, but he must do it anyway. That is what family means, Rosie explains. “I hate family,” Roo says. “That too, I’m afraid,” Rosie responds. Rosie implies that supporting family isn’t always easy, and sometimes it is really difficult and even miserable, but that is what families do. Rosie’s insistence, and Roo’s eventual agreement, underscores Frankel’s argument that nothing is more important than family.
Related Themes from Other Texts
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Family Quotes in This Is How It Always Is
Bedtime stories were a group activity. And because showing the pictures all around to everyone involved a great deal of squirming and shoving and pinching and pushing and get-outta-my-ways and he-farted-on-mes and you-got-to-look-longer-than-I-dids, Penn often resorted to telling stories rather than reading them. He had a magic book he read from. It was an empty spiral notebook. He showed the boys it was blank so that there was no clamoring to see. And then he read it to them. Like magic.
“Poppy,” he said. “I want my new name to be Poppy.”
“Poppy?” Rosie whispered.
“Carmy says Jews name their babies after dead people they love. I never met Poppy, but I love her anyway.”
“You do?” Rosie was full of wonder.
“Yeah. Because she liked dolls. And because she was your favorite. I like dolls. And I want to be your favorite.”
“You are my favorite.” She nuzzled into his neck.
“Do you think Poppy is a good name?”
“I think Poppy is a perfect name.”
“Listen Rosie, I know you've got some shit going on at home. I don't want to bust your balls. But you're just not pulling your weight around here.”
“Howie, how am I not pulling my weight around here? I keep thirty-five appointment hours every week, same as you. I maintain emergency appointment slots and on-call hours, same as you. My patient load is full, same as yours.”
“How can you say you’re keeping thirty-five patient hours every week? You've cancelled all your appointments since Monday.”
“Once. One week. This week I've had to cancel appointments—all of which have been rescheduled, and for each of which will I carve out time. In the four years I've been working here, this is the first time I've had to reschedule more than a day's worth of appointments. People get sick, Howie, people's families get sick, even doctors’. That's why we have sick leave and personal leave and family leave.”
“Is that what's happened this week? Sick kid?”
Rosie nodded but failed to elaborate.
“Penn can't take care of this? He doesn't even work.”
