J. pompously instructs the reader to get rid of things they don't need, but his opinions on owning things don’t seem very consistent. In chapter 3, the author employs metaphor, simile, and situational irony to convey J.'s hypocritical perspective on material possessions. As he is frantically packing for the Thames trip, J. laments:
oh, heaviest, maddest lumber of all! – the dread of what will my neighbour think, with luxuries that only cloy, with pleasures that bore, with empty show that, like the criminal’s iron crown of yore, makes to bleed and swoon the aching head that wears it!
Previously J. has referred to material things as "lumber,” useless weight that stops people from achieving their potential. The way he uses this metaphor suggests that material possessions are burdensome and cumbersome, hindering rather than enhancing one's life. The simile he uses here adds to this expression of discontent. He sanctimoniously criticizes the plentiful luxuries and pleasures of his, George’s, and Harris’s life, comparing their “luxury” to a criminal's iron crown. The iron crown is an archaic form of physical punishment which involved tightening a metal band around a wrongdoer's head. As J. says, it "makes to bleed and swoon the aching head that wears it." Having too many material things is a horrible, aching burden, J. implies, and to divest oneself of them all is the only way to be truly free.
Of course, this is full of situational irony, as J. is frantically packing lots of lovely things into bags, and the men consume an enormous amount of luxury goods on their trip. This disingenuous advice just highlights the difference between his words and actions. The irony is further enhanced by the notion that luxury items are “burdens.” J. and his friends are going on a long holiday and have never worried about access to money. Even as he decries it, J. is packing more and more “lumber." The oxymoronic phrases "luxuries that only cloy" and "pleasures that bore" also emphasize the paradoxical nature of having too much luxury. Here, J. is suggesting that what is typically considered desirable and enjoyable can, in fact, become tiresome and unfulfilling. This is another moment where Jerome lampoons middle-class privilege. J. is actually self-pityingly complaining that he can’t enjoy his nice things anymore because he’s too used to them.
