Lies vs. Honesty Theme Analysis

When 16-year-old Lara Jean discovers that the private goodbye letters that she wrote to five former crushes were sent out without her permission, her first thought is to lie about them—to claim that she never loved the boys, and that she never wrote the letters in the first place. With this, the novel establishes Lara Jean as a person who sees lying as a useful tool to escape embarrassment. As she then embarks on her pretend relationship with one of the letter recipients, Peter, Lara Jean and Peter struggle to keep their many lies straight—and eventually, they struggle to discern what’s a lie in their relationship and what’s the truth, as their fake relationship leads them to develop real feelings for each other. Their relationship shows how lies tend to spiral out of control. Lying, the novel suggests, may seem like a good means to an end—but the truth will inevitably come out. And, in most circumstances, it’s actually kinder and more beneficial to tell the truth.

Lara Jean’s lifelong history of lying has taught her that lying is an effective way to confuse people and gain control over her life. As a kid, Lara Jean lied all the time—but, she explains, the trick to lying effectively is to make sure one’s lies are at least somewhat based in truth, and to tell as few people as possible. With this, Lara Jean shows from the beginning that while lying might seem like an effective means to control parts of her life, it’s far more complicated than just telling a lie and going with it. The more complex a lie is, and the more people know about it, the more likely it is that something is going to go wrong. So, when Lara Jean is confronted with difficult, emotional, and frightening situations, her first thought is to lie—in the past, it’s been a good way to make things go her way and protect herself from embarrassment. And in the case of her pretend relationship with Peter, the lie seems easy: the only part of their relationship that’s a lie is the fact that they’re romantically interested in each other.

However, the novel shows that lies like this tend to spiral out of control. Lara Jean is distraught when first Kitty, then Peter’s mom Mrs. Kavinsky, and finally Daddy and Margot learn about their pretend relationship. Bringing their families into the lie means that Lara Jean has more people to lie to and more things to keep straight. Put another way, she recognizes from an early stage in the pretend relationship that things aren’t going to go as planned. But the most unexpected part of her relationship with Peter is that, despite her best intentions, Lara Jean falls in love with Peter. As she spends more time with him pretending to be his girlfriend, she comes to treasure his daily notes, the way she feels special when he buys her frozen yogurt, and the occasional kisses that they share. The relationship starts to feel real to Lara Jean, which makes the lie even more difficult for her to manage.

The novel’s conclusion suggests that the truth tends to come out—and that, generally speaking, this is for the best. For Lara Jean, it’s freeing and exciting to finally decide to be brave and profess her feelings to Peter, once he admits that he too has fallen for Lara Jean. Being honest with Peter leads to Lara Jean and Peter kissing in the hot tub on the ski trip—something that Lara Jean never expected to happen, but an experience that she treasures, nevertheless. In her mind, it’s the result of being brave and honest, and of advocating for herself in terms of what she wants out of a romantic relationship. And when it comes to Lara Jean’s difficult relationship with Margot once Margot comes home for winter break, the girls eventually discover that the only way to get through their discord is to be honest about all the things they’d previously lied about. For Lara Jean, this means telling Margot everything about her letters and her fake relationship with Peter; for Margot, this means facing up to the fact that she had sex with Josh but never told Lara Jean, and admitting that she doesn’t feel as needed in her family anymore. Only by admitting that they lied and finally telling the truth do the girls make up—and pave the way to be more accepting and open with each other going forward. To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before doesn’t go so far as to suggest that telling the truth fixes everything—Lara Jean and Peter still haven’t made up by the end of the novel, and it’s implied that Lara Jean and Margot still have some work to do to repair their relationship. But it does suggest that although lying might be a good way to avoid embarrassment in the short term, being honest makes relationships stronger and more fulfilling for those involved.