Turtles All the Way Down

On Thursday morning, an orange VW Beetle is parked in Aza's school parking spot. Daisy is in the driver's seat. Aza reminds Daisy that the banker said to not spend money, but Daisy insists the car, which she named Liam, will only appreciate in value. As they walk towards the school building, Daisy hands Aza the Fiske Guide to Colleges. She says that it's obvious that she's only going to Indiana University because college is so expensive. Aza thinks that Daisy won't be able to afford a better college if she buys cars, but asks Daisy again about "the jogger's mouth." Daisy says that the mystery is over and runs to Mychal.

Aza spends the morning poring over the college guide. She explains that she'd never considered going anywhere but Indiana University or Purdue where her parents went, but she allows herself to dream about college and consider the many possibilities as she reads.

Aza comes up from the depths of the college guide at lunch, when she listens to Daisy tell the table about purchasing her car. Aza texts Davis and asks what time she needs to arrive for the meteor shower. He replies that it's going to be overcast, but Aza insists they see each other anyway.

Daisy and Aza go to Aza's house after school. Daisy comments that school is much easier without a job and pulls a new laptop out of her backpack. Aza quietly tells Daisy to not spend all her money at once. Daisy insists that Aza already had a car and a computer and rolls her eyes.

Daisy scrolls through comments as Aza tries to read for school. Finally, Daisy says that it's infuriating when Aza judges her. She says that Aza knows nothing about being poor, even if she thinks she's poor. Aza says she'll stop talking about it, but Daisy continues and says that Aza is so stuck in her head, she can't think about anyone but herself and it's painful for everyone around her. They study quietly and both apologize at the same time when Daisy leaves.

A few minutes before seven, Davis texts from Aza's driveway. She runs out to meet him and yells a brief goodbye to Mom on her way out. Mom calls her as Davis pulls out and tells her to turn around so she can meet Davis. Davis agrees and turns around. When Aza watches Davis walk through her house, she realizes how small the house is and feels ashamed of the peeling linoleum and family photos.

Mom hugs Davis in greeting and they all sit at the kitchen table. She asks Davis who's looking after him. Davis mentions the lawyer and his house manager. Mom informs him that Aza isn't "some girl from the other side of the river." She continues that Davis can have anything he wants, but he's not entitled to Aza. Davis starts to say something but starts crying. Mom apologizes and tells Davis to be good to Aza. Aza says that they have to get going, and Mom tells her to be home by 11pm.

In the car, Davis tells Aza that he can't have anything he wants, especially a mother. He says that most adults are hollow and try to fill themselves with money or God or fame, which destroys them in the end. He says that adults think they wield power, while the power actually wields them.

At the Pickett mansion, Aza and Davis see two candlelit place settings at the dining room table. Rosa greets them, hugs Davis, and said she made spaghetti for Davis and his "new girlfriend." Davis insists that Aza is just an old friend. Rosa tells him to take food to Noah and do his dishes before she leaves for the night. Aza notes that Rosa acts like a parent, but Davis says she cares about them but is also paid to do so.

Davis says there's a rumor at his school that he killed both his parents. He says he's fine, but he’s worried about Noah. Noah got in bed with him the night before and cried, and Davis thinks that Noah is realizing that a caregiver isn't a superhero and his dad might even be a villain. Aza asks Davis about "the jogger's mouth," but Davis explains that his father doesn't believe in exercise because he truly believes that Tua will be the key to "curing death," and that's why he's leaving everything to her.

Davis says that his dad doesn't owe him anything, but he wishes he'd do the "dad stuff" like take Noah to school and not disappear. Aza apologizes and Davis asks if she's been in love. She hasn't, and neither has he. He says they should go outside to see the meteor shower.

Davis leads Aza to two pool loungers set up on the golf course. He deems the cloudy sky disappointing, but Aza asks him to describe what they'd be seeing if it weren't cloudy. He explains what the shower would be like and Aza insists that the meteor shower is still beautiful and romantic, they just can't see it. She thinks about the phrase "in love" and how love is the only thing you're ever "in." She thinks it's just like being in her thought spirals.

Aza mentions the "widening gyre" in the poem "The Second Coming." She says that the widening gyre isn't scary—what's scary is the tightening gyre. She says it feels like a prison cell. Davis suggests she write a poem in response to Yeats and admits that he writes bad poetry. Aza asks to read some of it and Davis refuses, but finally recites one for her. He says he likes short poems with weird rhyme schemes.

Aza leans over and kisses Davis. When she pulls away, she asks him for another poem. He recites a couplet and they kiss again. Aza thinks she enjoys kissing him until she realizes his tongue has been in her mouth. She begins to spiral and thinks she needs to check to see if his microbes stay in her body. She tries to resist but finally, the spiral wins and she pulls away. She quickly pulls out her phone and finds a study that says that gut microbiomes are "modestly but consistently altered" by kissing.

Davis tries to touch Aza, but she jerks away and tries to mentally talk herself down from her growing desire to go to a bathroom. Finally, she tells Davis she needs to use the restroom. Aza starts sweating and feels sick and pathetic. Davis directs her towards a guest bathroom. Aza opens up her finger pad and replaces the Band-Aid. She can't find mouthwash, so she gargles water in her mouth a few times before returning to Davis.

Davis leads Aza to sit down with him and asks if she's okay. Aza says she's fine, just panicky, and explains that kissing freaks her out. She says she gets into thought spirals and can't get out. Davis says they don't have to kiss, but Aza insists that she's not going to get better and she can't be normal if she can't kiss someone. Davis insists that it's fine, and Aza suggests they watch a movie. Davis leads her downstairs and asks if she'd prefer Star Trek or Star Wars. Aza says she doesn't like space movies, but they decide on a Star Trek movie anyway. Her thoughts continue to run wild.

In the theater, Davis asks how Aza can be friends with Daisy and not like space operas. Aza worries that they're both trying to act normal, when they both know that nothing is normal. Davis asks Aza if she has read Daisy's fanfiction. Aza hasn't, and Davis suggests she try it. Aza pretends to watch the movie and thinks of the Pettibon spiral painting while trying to practice her breathing exercises.

When the movie ends, Aza says she's tired. Davis drives her home and kisses her on the lips on her doorstep. Aza goes into the garage to get her dad's phone and sneaks past Mom, asleep on the couch. She plugs in the phone in her room and scrolls through the photos until Mom interrupts her and asks if she's talking to her dad. Aza says she was telling him secrets. Mom apologizes for hurting Davis’s feelings, but Aza only replies by saying she's going to change in the bathroom. In the bathroom, she thinks about how disgusting her body is and changes her Band-Aid. 

Mom is waiting for Aza when she comes out of the bathroom. Mom asks if Aza is feeling anxious, but Aza insists she's fine. She crawls into bed and turns out the light. Mom comes into Aza's room and sings a lullaby until Aza falls asleep.