We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves

Rosemary and her mother prepare the journals for publication. Rosemary’s mother tells her that she was “the prettiest baby anyone ever saw.” She also discusses how cute Fern was as a baby. Rosemary’s first word was “bye-bye,” which she signed at 11 months and spoke aloud at 13. Fern’s first sign was “cup,” at 10 months old. Fern was born in Africa, to a mother who was killed and sold as food. When Rosemary’s parents were discussing adopting a chimpanzee, Rosemary’s mother insisted it had to be a baby “with nowhere else to go.” When Fern was purchased from a group of poachers, she was very ill with diarrhea and swarming with fleas.

Fern arrived at the Cookes’ house when Rosemary was one month old. For Fern’s first two years of life, she would cling to Rosemary’s mother so hard that she left bruises. Rosemary’s mother fell “in love” with Fern, who was clearly deeply traumatized. Rosemary’s parents originally assumed that Fern would live with them forever. One night, Rosemary and her mother are finishing a special dinner to celebrate the sale of the journals in the form of a book. Rosemary asks if her mother worried about the “impact” Fern’s presence would have on Rosemary. Rosemary’s mother replies that she certainly did, but it was clear that Rosemary was “a happy child” who “adored” Fern.

Rosemary and her mother watch an old VHS tape made by one of the graduate students, which shows Rosemary and Fern in a room they have turned to carnage, lying side by side in identical poses. Rosemary predicts that they will eventually be able to embed videos into the book, but for now they rely on images to highlight the similarities between Rosemary and Fern and Fern’s total immersion in the family dynamic.

In 2012, Rosemary is living with her mother in Vermillion, a university town in South Dakota. Rosemary has taught kindergarten for seven years, and knows she is a talented teacher. She teaches her students “chimp etiquette” and chimp sign language. They go on field trips to the lab where Fern is held, and stand behind a wall of bulletproof glass separating them from the chimps. Rosemary’s “niece” Hazel is still there too. Although Fern is not the oldest or a male, she seems to have the highest status among the group. Rosemary’s mother volunteers at the lab every day, making sure Fern gets her favorite foods. When Fern saw Rosemary’s mother for the first time, she refused to look at her, but eventually they rekindled their relationship.

Rosemary wonders what she would tell Fern about their father and Lowell, but Fern has never asked. The chimps who live in the center are no longer subject to scientific experiments. However, Rosemary clarifies that their lives are still “not enviable,” and that they would be better off in the natural world. Rosemary dreams about a sanctuary where she and Fern could live together, but has read enough about chimp attacks to know that she will never touch Fern again. Still, she hopes to raise money for a sanctuary for Fern through the book sales and through donations.

The book is about to be published, and Rosemary is keenly aware that after that point, she will never be able to hide her past again. She will be making media appearances, but knows that the version of herself she will reveal to the world will inevitably be incomplete. The plan is for Rosemary to end up “widely admired” and Fern “stealthily influential.”