All's Well That Ends Well Translation Act 2, Scene 2
Enter COUNTESS and Clown
COUNTESS
Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height ofyour breeding.
COUNTESS
Come on, sir. I will now make you demonstrate the extent of your breeding.
CLOWN
I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught: Iknow my business is but to the court.
CLOWN
I will show myself to be well fed but poorly educated. I know I will be only sent to the court.
COUNTESS
To the court! why, what place make you special,when you put off that with such contempt? But to the court!
COUNTESS
To the court! Why, what place do you think of as special if you can talk of the court in such a contemptuous tone? Only sent to the court!
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Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make a leg, put off's cap, kiss his hand and say nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all men.
CLOWN
Truly, madam, if God has bestowed a man with any manners, he can discard them all at court. If a man can't bow, doff his cap, kiss his hand and say nothing, or has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap, then such a fellow, to say precisely, is not made for court. For me, though, I have an answer that will respond to all men.
COUNTESS
Marry, that's a bountiful answer that fits allquestions.
COUNTESS
Well, that's quite an answer that can respond to all questions.
CLOWN
It is like a barber's chair that fits all buttocks,the pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawnbuttock, or any buttock.
CLOWN
It's like a barber's chair that fits all types of buttocks: the narrow buttock, the fat buttock, the brawny buttock, or any buttock.
COUNTESS
Will your answer serve fit to all questions?
COUNTESS
Will you answer be fit to respond to all questions?
CLOWN
As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, as your French crown for your taffeta punk, as Tib's rush for Tom's forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove Tuesday, a morris for May-day, as the nail to his hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding quean to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the friar's mouth, nay, as the pudding to his skin.
CLOWN
It will be as fit as four pence is fit for the hand of an attorney, as fit as a French crown is fit for the hand of a scantily clad prostitute, or as fit as a lady's ring is fit for a man's finger, or as fit as a pancake on Shrove Tuesday or a morris dance on May-day or as a nail to a hole or as a cuckold to his horn or as a scolding woman to a wayward rogue. Or as fit as the nun's lip to the friar's mouth, no, sorry, that should be as fit as the sausage to the sausage skin.
COUNTESS
Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for allquestions?
COUNTESS
Have you, I say, an answer that can respond to all questions?
CLOWN
From below your duke to beneath your constable, itwill fit any question.
CLOWN
From a duke to a constable, it will be good for any question.
COUNTESS
It must be an answer of most monstrous size thatmust fit all demands.
COUNTESS
It must be an answer of a gigantic size that would fit any question.
CLOWN
But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should speak truth of it: here it is, and all that belongs to't. Ask me if I am a courtier: it shall do you no harm to learn.
CLOWN
But a little one, actually, to speak the truth: here it is and everything attached to it. Ask me if I am a nobleman: it won't hurt you to learn.
COUNTESS
To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool inquestion, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. Ipray you, sir, are you a courtier?
COUNTESS
Oh, to be young again, if we could. I will play the fool in asking you a question, hoping to become wiser from your answer. Please, sir, are you a nobleman?
CLOWN
O Lord, sir! There's a simple putting off. More,more, a hundred of them.
CLOWN
"Oh Lord, sir!" That's a phrase used to evade answering the question. More, more questions, ask a hundred of them.
COUNTESS
Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
COUNTESS
Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that cares for you.
CLOWN
O Lord, sir! Thick, thick, spare not me.
CLOWN
"Oh Lord, sir!" More, more, don't spare me with your questions.
COUNTESS
I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.
COUNTESS
I think, sir, you can't eat more of this plain meat.
CLOWN
O Lord, sir! Nay, put me to't, I warrant you.
CLOWN
"Oh Lord, sir!" No, ask me more of these, I beg you.
COUNTESS
You were lately whipped, sir, as I think.
COUNTESS
You were recently whipped, sir, I think.
CLOWN
O Lord, sir! spare not me.
CLOWN
"Oh Lord, sir!" Don't spare me.
COUNTESS
Do you cry, 'O Lord, sir!' at your whipping, and 'spare not me?' Indeed your 'O Lord, sir!' is very sequent to your whipping: you would answer very well to a whipping, if you were but bound to't.
COUNTESS
Do you cry, "Oh Lord, sir?" about your whipping, and "Don't spare me?" Indeed, your "Oh Lord, sir!" is an appropriate thing to cry out during a whipping. You would answer very well during a whipping if you were only sentenced to such a punishment.
CLOWN
I ne'er had worse luck in my life in my 'O Lord,sir!' I see things may serve long, but not serve ever.
CLOWN
I never had worse luck in my life in my "Oh Lord, sir!" than the threat of whipping. I see some phrases may serve me for a while but not serve me forever.
COUNTESS
I play the noble housewife with the timeTo entertain't so merrily with a fool.
COUNTESS
I act like a noble household manager entertaining the time with a fool like this.
CLOWN
O Lord, sir! why, there't serves well again.
CLOWN
"Oh Lord, sir!" Why, there, now, the phrase is serving me well again.
COUNTESS
An end, sir; to your business. Give Helen this, And urge her to a present answer back: Commend me to my kinsmen and my son: This is not much.
COUNTESS
Let's wrap this up, sir. To your task. Give Helena this, and tell her to send me back an answer quickly. Send my best wishes to my family and my son. That's not very much.
CLOWN
Not much commendation to them.
CLOWN
Not much best wishes to them.
COUNTESS
Not much employment for you: you understand me?
COUNTESS
Not much of a task for you: you understand me?
CLOWN
Most fruitfully: I am there before my legs.
CLOWN
Most heartily. I am there ahead of my legs.
COUNTESS
Haste you again.
COUNTESS
Go quickly again.
Exeunt severally
