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All's Well That Ends Well

All's Well That Ends Well Translation Act 3, Scene 6

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Enter BERTRAM and the two French Lords

SECOND LORD

Nay, good my lord, put him to't; let him have hisway.

SECOND LORD

No, my good lord, put him to the test. Let him be examined. 

FIRST LORD

If your lordship find him not a hilding, hold me nomore in your respect.

FIRST LORD

If your lordship doesn't find him to be a worthless nothing, don't respect me any longer. 

SECOND LORD

On my life, my lord, a bubble.

SECOND LORD

On my life, my lord, he'll prove to be nothing but a bubble. 

BERTRAM

Do you think I am so far deceived in him?

BERTRAM

You really think I'm so completely deceived by him?

SECOND LORD

Believe it, my lord, in mine own direct knowledge, without any malice, but to speak of him as my kinsman, he's a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the owner of no one good quality worthy your lordship's entertainment.

SECOND LORD

Believe it, my lord, based on my own personal knowledge, without any ill will, but to speak of him as I would speak of a family member: he's a real coward, an infinite and endless liar, he breaks promises every hour, and he doesn't have one good quality worthy of following your lordship. 

FIRST LORD

It were fit you knew him; lest, reposing too far inhis virtue, which he hath not, he might at somegreat and trusty business in a main danger fail you.

FIRST LORD

It would be best that you know him as he is. Otherwise, if you're too trusting of his virtue, which he doesn't have, he might fail you at some great and important moment. 

BERTRAM

I would I knew in what particular action to try him.

BERTRAM

I wish I could think of a particular way to test him. 

FIRST LORD

None better than to let him fetch off his drum,which you hear him so confidently undertake to do.

FIRST LORD

There's no better way than to let him fetch back his lost drum which we've all heard him so confidently say he'll do. 

SECOND LORD

I, with a troop of Florentines, will suddenly surprise him; such I will have, whom I am sure he knows not from the enemy: we will bind and hoodwink him so, that he shall suppose no other but that he is carried into the leaguer of the adversaries, when we bring him to our own tents. Be but your lordship present at his examination: if he do not, for the promise of his life and in the highest compulsion of base fear, offer to betray you and deliver all the intelligence in his power against you, and that with the divine forfeit of his soul upon oath, never trust my judgment in any thing.

SECOND LORD

Along with a troop of Florentines, I'll suddenly ambush him. I'll bring the men I have that he won't be able to tell apart from the enemy. We'll bind him and blindfold him so that he'll think he's been brought into enemy territory, when we're really bringing him into our own tents. Your lordship will be present at his examination. If he doesn't, in order to save his life and out of extraordinary fear, offer to betray you and inform against you with all the intelligence he can share, after swearing that everything he says is true, don't trust my judgement in anything ever again. 

FIRST LORD

O, for the love of laughter, let him fetch his drum; he says he has a stratagem for't: when your lordship sees the bottom of his success in't, and to what metal this counterfeit lump of ore will be melted, if you give him not John Drum's entertainment, your inclining cannot be removed. Here he comes.

FIRST LORD

Oh, since we love to laugh, let him try to fetch his drum back. He says he has a plan to do it. When your lordship sees his failure in trying to get it back, and how this fake lump of ore melts down when the truth comes out, if you don't kick him out, it will only be because of a tremendous bias in his favor. Here he comes. 

Enter PAROLLES

SECOND LORD

[Aside to BERTRAM] O, for the love of laughter,hinder not the honour of his design: let him fetchoff his drum in any hand.

SECOND LORD

[So only BERTRAM can hear] Oh, since we love to laugh, don't try to stop his ludicrous plans. Let him try to fetch the drum how ever he sees fit. 

BERTRAM

How now, monsieur! this drum sticks sorely in yourdisposition.

BERTRAM

How now, monsieur! This situation with the drum is making you moody. 

FIRST LORD

A pox on't, let it go; 'tis but a drum.

FIRST LORD

Just move on, get over it, it's only a drum. 

PAROLLES

'But a drum'! is't 'but a drum'? A drum so lost!There was excellent command,—to charge in with ourhorse upon our own wings, and to rend our own soldiers!

PAROLLES

"Only a drum!" Is it "only a drum?" A drum lost in this way! What an excellent command—to charge right into battle with the cavalry coming in on either side, and to divide our own soldiers! 

FIRST LORD

That was not to be blamed in the command of the service: it was a disaster of war that Caesar himself could not have prevented, if he had been there to command.

FIRST LORD

That's not the fault of the commander of the service. It was a war disaster that not even Caesar could have prevented if he had ben there to command. 

BERTRAM

Well, we cannot greatly condemn our success: somedishonour we had in the loss of that drum; but it isnot to be recovered.

BERTRAM

Well, we cannot be too upset about our success. We had a little bit of dishonor in losing that drum, but there's no way it can be stolen back. 

PAROLLES

It might have been recovered.

PAROLLES

It might have been stolen back. 

BERTRAM

It might; but it is not now.

BERTRAM

It might have, but there's no way now. 

PAROLLES

It is to be recovered: but that the merit of service is seldom attributed to the true and exact performer, I would have that drum or another, or 'hic jacet.'

PAROLLES

It is to be taken back. If it weren't that tasks are almost never assigned to the person most capable of carrying them out, I would have that drum back or another one, or I'd die trying

BERTRAM

Why, if you have a stomach, to't, monsieur: if you think your mystery in stratagem can bring this instrument of honour again into his native quarter, be magnanimous in the enterprise and go on; I will grace the attempt for a worthy exploit: if you speed well in it, the duke shall both speak of it. and extend to you what further becomes his greatness, even to the utmost syllable of your worthiness.

BERTRAM

Well, if you have the bravery for it, monsieur. If you think your mysterious strategy can bring this honorable instrument back again to its troops, be generous in the attempt and go on. I will report the attempt as a worthy one. If you succeed in it, the duke shall not only speak of it but also grant you with whatever else his greatness thinks you deserve, every last drop that you are worthy of. 

PAROLLES

By the hand of a soldier, I will undertake it.

PAROLLES

By the hand of a soldier, I will do this. 

BERTRAM

But you must not now slumber in it.

BERTRAM

But now you must sleep on it. 

PAROLLES

I'll about it this evening: and I will presently pen down my dilemmas, encourage myself in my certainty, put myself into my mortal preparation; and by midnight look to hear further from me.

PAROLLES

I'll do it this evening. And I will now write down my concerns, encourage myself in my sure success, arm myself and prepare for death. By midnight, look to hear more from me. 

BERTRAM

May I be bold to acquaint his grace you are gone about it?

BERTRAM

Can I be so bold to tell his grace that you are going to attempt this?

PAROLLES

I know not what the success will be, my lord; butthe attempt I vow.

PAROLLES

I don't know if I'll be successful, my lord, but I vow that I will attempt it. 

BERTRAM

I know thou'rt valiant; and, to the possibility ofthy soldiership, will subscribe for thee. Farewell.

BERTRAM

I know you are valiant, and I'll support you when I speak of your soldierly ability. Farewell. 

PAROLLES

I love not many words.

PAROLLES

I do not love speaking at length. 

Exit

SECOND LORD

No more than a fish loves water. Is not this a strange fellow, my lord, that so confidently seems to undertake this business, which he knows is not to be done; damns himself to do and dares better be damned than to do't?

SECOND LORD

Sure, no more than a fish loves water. Isn't this a strange fellow, my lord, that so confidently claims to take on this task, which he knows he won't actually do? He condemns himself to do it when he'd rather be damned than actually attempt to carry it out?

FIRST LORD

You do not know him, my lord, as we do: certain it is that he will steal himself into a man's favour and for a week escape a great deal of discoveries; but when you find him out, you have him ever after.

FIRST LORD

You don't know him, my lord, as we do. It's certain that he'll convince some man to cover for him and no one will discover the truth for a week. But once you've found him out, you'll have him disgraced forever after. 

BERTRAM

Why, do you think he will make no deed at all ofthis that so seriously he does address himself unto?

BERTRAM

Why, do you think he will really make no attempt at all to do this thing he so seriously vows to do?

SECOND LORD

None in the world; but return with an invention and clap upon you two or three probable lies: but we have almost embossed him; you shall see his fall to-night; for indeed he is not for your lordship's respect.

SECOND LORD

No attempt in the world. He'll return instead with some story and tell you two or three probable lies. But we've almost caught him. You'll see his downfall tonight, for indeed he is not worthy of your lord's respect. 

FIRST LORD

We'll make you some sport with the fox ere we case him. He was first smoked by the old lord Lafeu: when his disguise and he is parted, tell me what a sprat you shall find him; which you shall see this very night.

FIRST LORD

We'll have you watch some sport with the fox before we reveal him. He was first caught in the act of lying by the old lord Lafeu. When he's finally parted from his disguise, tell me what a fool you take him for. You'll see it this very night. 

SECOND LORD

I must go look my twigs: he shall be caught.

SECOND LORD

I must go prepare the trap. He'll be caught. 

BERTRAM

Your brother he shall go along with me.

BERTRAM

Your brother shall go along with me. 

SECOND LORD

As't please your lordship: I'll leave you.

SECOND LORD

As your lordship requests. I'll leave you. 

Exit

BERTRAM

Now will I lead you to the house, and show youThe lass I spoke of.

BERTRAM

Now I'l lead you to the house and show you the lady I was telling you about. 

FIRST LORD

But you say she's honest.

FIRST LORD

But you say she's honest. 

BERTRAM

That's all the fault: I spoke with her but once And found her wondrous cold; but I sent to her, By this same coxcomb that we have i' the wind, Tokens and letters which she did re-send; And this is all I have done. She's a fair creature: Will you go see her?

BERTRAM

That's the whole problem. I spoke with her once and found her incredibly cold. But I sent to her, via this same fool that we're about to play a trick on, some tokens and letters which she sent back. This is all I've done. She's a pretty creature. Will you go see her?

FIRST LORD

With all my heart, my lord.

FIRST LORD

With all my heart, my lord. 

Exeunt

All s well that ends well
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Dan rubins
About the Translator: Dan Rubins

Dan Rubins is currently completing his MA in Shakespeare Studies from King's College London/Shakespeare's Globe and will be pursuing an MA in Elementary Inclusive Education from Teachers College, Columbia University. He holds a BA in English from Yale University. His Masters dissertation focuses on announcements of death in early modern drama, and other research areas of interest include Shakespeare in transformative contexts (prisons, schools, etc.) and rhyme in Shakespeare's dramatic texts. In addition to teaching and learning, he also writes theatre reviews (often of Shakespeare productions), composes musical theatre (frequently with Shakespearean inspirations), and sings in choirs (occasionally in Shakespearean choral settings).