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As You Like It

As You Like It Translation Act 5, Scene 4

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Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER, and CELIA

DUKE SENIOR

Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boyCan do all this that he hath promisèd?

DUKE SENIOR

Orlando, do you really believe that this boy can do all that he's promised?

ORLANDO

I sometimes do believe and sometimes do not,As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.

ORLANDO

Sometimes I believe and sometimes I don't. I'm hoping, and also scared to hope.

Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHOEBE

ROSALIND

[as Ganymede] Patience once more whiles our compact isurged. [to DUKE SENIOR] You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,You will bestow her on Orlando here?

ROSALIND

Be patient while our contract is proclaimed. 

[To DUKE SENIOR] You say that if I bring your daughter Rosalind here, you will give her to Orlando to be married?

DUKE SENIOR

That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.

DUKE SENIOR

I will, even if I had to give kingdoms along with her.

ROSALIND

[to ORLANDO] And you say you will have her when I bringher?

ROSALIND

[To ORLANDO] And you say that you will marry her when I bring her here?

ORLANDO

That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.

ORLANDO

I will, even if I were already the king of all kingdoms.

ROSALIND

[to PHOEBE] You say you’ll marry me if I be willing?

ROSALIND

[To PHOEBE] You say you'll marry me if I'm willing to marry you?

PHOEBE

That will I, should I die the hour after.

PHOEBE

I will, even if I should die the following hour.

ROSALIND

But if you do refuse to marry me,You’ll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?

ROSALIND

But if you refuse to marry me, you'll marry this faithful shepherd instead?

PHOEBE

So is the bargain.

PHOEBE

That's our bargain.

ROSALIND

[to SILVIUS] You say that you’ll have Phoebe if she will?

ROSALIND

[To SILVIUS] And you say that you'll marry Phoebe if she is willing?

SILVIUS

Though to have her and death were both one thing.

SILVIUS

Even if marrying her meant death for me.

ROSALIND

I have promised to make all this matter even. Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter, —You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter. —Keep your word, Phoebe, that you’ll marry me Or else, refusing me, to wed this shepherd. —Keep your word, Silvius, that you’ll marry her If she refuse me. And from hence I go To make these doubts all even.

ROSALIND

I have promised to make everything clear.

[To DUKE SENIOR] Duke Senior, keep your promise to give away your daughter.

[To ORLANDO] Orlando, keep your promise to marry his daughter.

[To PHOEBE] Phoebe, keep your promise that you'll marry me, or marry this shepherd if you refuse me.

[To SILVIUS] Silvius, keep your promise that you'll marry Phoebe if she refuses me.

[To all] And now I'll go to clear up all your doubts.

Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA

DUKE SENIOR

I do remember in this shepherd boySome lively touches of my daughter’s favor.

DUKE SENIOR

This shepherd boy's appearance reminds me of my daughter.

ORLANDO

My lord, the first time that I ever saw him Methought he was a brother to your daughter. But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born And hath been tutored in the rudiments Of many desperate studies by his uncle, Whom he reports to be a great magician Obscurèd in the circle of this forest.

ORLANDO

My lord, the first time I saw him I thought he was your daughter's brother. But, my good lord, this boy was born in the forest and has been taught some dangerous magic by his uncle, whom he says is a great magician living hidden within the boundaries of this forest.

Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

JAQUES

There is sure another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strangebeasts, which in all tongues are called fools.

JAQUES

There must be another flood on its way, with all these couples coming two-by-two to Noah's ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which are called "fools" in every language.

TOUCHSTONE

Salutation and greeting to you all.

TOUCHSTONE

Hello and greetings to you all.

JAQUES

Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in the forest. He hath been a courtier, he swears.

JAQUES

My good lord, welcome him. This is the jester gentleman I have met so often in the forest. He swears he used to be a courtier.

TOUCHSTONE

If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure. I have flattered a lady. I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy. I have undone three tailors. I have had four quarrels, andlike to have fought one.

TOUCHSTONE

If any man doubts that, let him put me on trial. I have danced a step. I have flattered a lady. I have been polite with my friends, and cunning with my enemy. I have ruined three tailors. I have had four quarrels, and almost had one fight.

JAQUES

And how was that ta'en up?

JAQUES

And how was that one fight settled?

TOUCHSTONE

Faith, we met and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.

TOUCHSTONE

Well, we met and then found that the quarrel had reached the seventh cause.

JAQUES

How “seventh cause?”—Good my lord, like this fellow.

JAQUES

What is the "seventh cause?" 

[To DUKE SENIOR] My good lord, you will like this fellow.

DUKE SENIOR

I like him very well.

DUKE SENIOR

I like him very well.

TOUCHSTONE

God 'ild you, sir. I desire you of the like. I press inhere, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives,to swear and to forswear, according as marriage binds and blood breaks. A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favored thing, sir, but mine own. A poor humor of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will. Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house, as your pearl in your foul oyster.

TOUCHSTONE

God bless you, sir. I wish the same compliment for you. Sir, I have pushed my way in here, among the rest of these country lovers, to be properly married, with binding vows to restrain erupting passion. This poor virgin isn't a pretty thing, sir, but she's mine. It's a strange tendency of mine, sir, to take the thing that no one else wants. Sir, the treasure of chastity lives in the vessel of an ugly woman just like a rich man living in a shack, or a pearl lodged in a filthy oyster.

DUKE SENIOR

By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.

DUKE SENIOR

I say, he's very quick-witted and full of pithy sayings.

TOUCHSTONE

According to the fool’s bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.

TOUCHSTONE

I have the fool's arrow, that sweet disease—wittiness—which is here one minute and gone the next.

JAQUES

But for the seventh cause. How did you find the quarrelon the seventh cause?

JAQUES

But back to the "seventh cause." How did you find that your quarrel had reached the "seventh cause?"

TOUCHSTONE

Upon a lie seven times removed.— Bear your body more seeming, Audrey.— As thus, sir: I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier’s beard. He sent me word if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was. This is called “the retort courteous.” If I sent him wordagain it was not well cut, he would send me word he cutit to please himself. This is called “the quip modest.” If again it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment. This is called “the reply churlish.” If again it was notwell cut, he would answer I spake not true. This is called “the reproof valiant.” If again it was not well cut, he would say I lie. This is called “the countercheck quarrelsome,” and so to “the lie circumstantial” and “the lie direct.”

TOUCHSTONE

The argument went through seven stages. 

[To AUDREY] Stand up straight, Audrey. 

[To JAQUES] It was like this, sir: I disliked the way a certain courtier had cut his beard. He then sent me word that he wasn't concerned about my opinion of his beard. This stage is called "the courteous retort." If I were then to send him another message that his beard was not cut well, he would respond that he cut it to please himself, not me. This is called "the moderate quip." If I repeated my insult again, he would try to disqualify my judgment. This is called "the rude reply." If I say yet again that his beard is not well cut, then he would say I wasn't speaking the truth. This is called "the brave retort." If I repeated my insult again, he would call me a liar. This is called "the quarrelsome contradiction," and so on through to "the indirect lie" and "the direct lie."

JAQUES

And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?

JAQUES

And how many times did you say that his beard wasn't cut well?

TOUCHSTONE

I durst go no further than the lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the lie direct, and so we measured swords and parted.

TOUCHSTONE

I didn't dare go past "the indirect lie," and he didn't dare go to "the direct lie." So we measured our swords, found ourselves equal, and parted ways.

JAQUES

Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?

JAQUES

Can you name those stages of an argument again, in order?

TOUCHSTONE

O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book, as you have books for good manners. I will name you the degrees: thefirst, “the retort courteous;” the second, “the quip modest;” the third, “the reply churlish;” the fourth, “the reproof valiant;” the fifth, “the countercheque quarrelsome;” the sixth, “the lie with circumstance;” the seventh, “the lie direct.” All these you may avoid but the lie direct, and you may avoid that, too, with an“if.” I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an “if,” as: “If you said so, then I said so.” And they shook hands and swore brothers. Your “if” is the only peacemaker: much virtue in “if.”

TOUCHSTONE

Oh sir, we quarrel according to the rulebooks, just as you have rulebooks for good manners. I'll name the degrees again: the first is "the courteous retort;" the second is "the moderate quip;" the third is "the rude reply;" the fourth is "the brave retort;" the fifth is "the quarrelsome contradiction;" the sixth is "the indirect lie;" and the seventh is "the direct lie." But you can avoid all of these stages, even the seventh, by using an "if" properly. I once heard of a quarrel that even seven judges couldn't settle. But when the two parties met on their own, one used an "if" and said" "If you said this, then I must have said that." And they shook hands and parted like brothers. "If" is the only peacemaker; there is much virtue in an "if."

JAQUES

Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? He’s as good at anything and yet a fool.

JAQUES

Isn't this a remarkable fellow, my lord? He's as smart as anything, and yet also a fool.

DUKE SENIOR

He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under thepresentation of that he shoots his wit.

DUKE SENIOR

He uses his foolishness to disguise himself while he hunts with the arrows of his wit.

Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA. Soft music

HYMEN

Then is there mirth in heaven When earthly things, made even, Atone together. Good duke, receive thy daughter. Hymen from heaven brought her, Yea, brought her hither, That thou mightst join her hand with his Whose heart within her bosom is.

HYMEN

There is joy in heaven when earthly affairs are set right, and people are brought together. 

[To DUKE SENIOR] Good duke, receive your daughter. Hymen brought her from heaven—yes, brought her here, that you might join her hand with that of the man whose heart resides within your daughter's chest.

ROSALIND

[to DUKE SENIOR] To you I give myself, for I am yours. [to ORLANDO] To you I give myself, for I am yours.

ROSALIND

[To DUKE SENIOR] I give myself to you, for I am yours. 

[To ORLANDO] I give myself to you, for I am yours.

DUKE SENIOR

If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

DUKE SENIOR

If my eyes do not deceive me, you are my daughter.

ORLANDO

If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

ORLANDO

If my eyes do not deceive me, you are my Rosalind.

PHOEBE

If sight and shape be true, Why then, my love adieu.

PHOEBE

If my eyes and your womanly shape aren't deceiving me, why then, farewell to my love.

ROSALIND

[to DUKE SENIOR] I’ll have no father, if you be not he. [to ORLANDO] I’ll have no husband, if you be not he, [to PHOEBE] Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.

ROSALIND

[To DUKE SENIOR] If you won't be my father, then I'll have no father.

[To ORLANDO] If you won't be my husband, then I'll have no husband.

[To PHOEBE] If you won't be my wife, then I'll have no wife.

HYMEN

Peace, ho! I bar confusion. 'Tis I must make conclusion Of these most strange events. Here’s eight that must take hands To join in Hymen’s bands, If truth holds true contents. [to ORLANDO and ROSALIND] You and you no cross shall part. [to OLIVER and CELIA] You and you are heart in heart. [to PHOEBE] You to his love must accord Or have a woman to your lord. [to TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY] You and you are sure together As the winter to foul weather. [to all] Whiles a wedlock hymn we sing, Feed yourselves with questioning, That reason wonder may diminish How thus we met, and these things finish. [sings] Wedding is great Juno’s crown, O blessèd bond of board and bed. 'Tis Hymen peoples every town. High wedlock then be honorèd. Honor, high honor, and renown, To Hymen, god of every town.

HYMEN

Quiet now! I will clear up the confusion. I am the one who must bring the conclusion to these strange events. Here before me are eight people who must join hands and be married, if the truths revealed to the couples reflect their genuine feelings. 

[To ORLANDO and ROSALIND] No disagreement will ever part you. 

[To OLIVER and CELIA] Your two hearts are bound together. 

[To PHOEBE] You must accept Silvius' love, or else be married to a woman. 

[To TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY] The two of you are bound together, like winter with bad weather. 

[To all the couples] While we sing a wedding hymn, ask your questions, so that your surprise about how we all ended up here might fade, and we can bring these events to a close.

[Singing]
Marriage is the crown of great Juno,
The blessed bond of a domestic home.
It's Hymen who populates every town,
So that holy marriage should be honored.
Honor, high honor, and fame
Should go to Hymen, the god of every town.

DUKE SENIOR

O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me,Even daughter, welcome in no less degree.

DUKE SENIOR

[To CELIA] Oh, my dear niece, you are welcome here, as welcome as if you were my own daughter.

PHOEBE

I will not eat my word. Now thou art mine,Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.

PHOEBE

[To SILVIUS] I won't break my promise. Now you are mine. Your faithfulness has won over my love.

Enter JAQUES DE BOYS

JAQUES DE BOYS

Let me have audience for a word or two. I am the second son of old Sir Rowland, That bring these tidings to this fair assembly. Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day Men of great worth resorted to this forest, Addressed a mighty power, which were on foot In his own conduct, purposely to take His brother here and put him to the sword. And to the skirts of this wild wood he came, Where, meeting with an old religious man, After some question with him, was converted Both from his enterprise and from the world, His crown bequeathing to his banished brother, And all their lands restored to them again That were with him exiled. This to be true I do engage my life.

JAQUES DE BOYS

Let me have your attention for a word or two. I am old Sir Rowland's middle son, and I come bringing news to this fine assembly. Duke Frederick had heard that men of great worth were coming to this forest every day, so he assembled a powerful army to take this land and kill his brother. They came to the edge of this forest, and there Duke Frederick met an old religious man. They discussed things for a while, and ultimately the man convinced the duke to abandon his war, and (after a religious conversion) to retreat from the world. Duke Frederick is now giving his crown to his banished brother and restoring the lands back to the men he exiled. I pledge my life that all this is true.

DUKE SENIOR

Welcome, young man. Thou offer’st fairly to thy brothers' wedding: To one his lands withheld, and to the other A land itself at large, a potent dukedom. —First, in this forest let us do those ends That here were well begun and well begot, And, after, every of this happy number That have endured shrewd days and nights with us Shall share the good of our returnèd fortune According to the measure of their states. Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity, And fall into our rustic revelry. —Play, music.— And you brides and bridegrooms all, With measure heaped in joy to th' measures fall.

DUKE SENIOR

Welcome, young man. You bring rich gifts to your brothers' wedding: to Oliver you bring his confiscated lands, and to Orlando you give a future dukedom, as he will inherit my lands. But first, let's finish the business we began in this forest. Afterward, everyone here who has endured hard days and nights with me will now share in the abundance of my returned fortune—each according to his own rank and status. But in the meantime, let's forget this newly acquired dignity, and have a country party. Play, music.

[To the couples] And you, brides and bridegrooms, dance with all the fullness of your joy.

JAQUES

Sir, by your patience: if I heard you rightly, The duke hath put on a religious lifeAnd thrown into neglect the pompous court.

JAQUES

[To JAQUES DE BOYS] Sir, with your permission: did I hear you correctly that the duke has given up the rich and glamorous life at court and become a religious hermit?

JAQUES DE BOYS

He hath.

JAQUES DE BOYS

Yes, he has.

JAQUES

To him will I. Out of these convertites There is much matter to be heard and learned. [to DUKE SENIOR] You to your former honor I bequeath; Your patience and your virtue well deserves it. [to ORLANDO] You to a love that your true faith doth merit. [to OLIVER] You to your land, and love, and great allies. [to SILVIUS] You to a long and well-deservèd bed. [to TOUCHSTONE] And you to wrangling, for thy loving voyage Is but for two months victualled.— So to your pleasures. I am for other than for dancing measures.

JAQUES

Then I will go to him. There is much to be heard and learned from such converts. 

[To DUKE SENIOR] I leave you with all your former honor; you deserve it for your patience and virtue. 

[To ORLANDO] To you I leave the love that your faithfulness deserves. 

[To OLIVER] To you I leave your land, your love, and great allies. 

[To SILVIUS] To you I leave a well-deserved marriage bed after a long wait. 

[To TOUCHSTONE] And to you I leave much arguing, for I suspect your adventure in love will last only two months at the most.

So, everyone, return to your celebration. I am off to seek something other than dancing.

DUKE SENIOR

Stay, Jaques, stay.

DUKE SENIOR

Stay, Jaques, stay.

JAQUES

To see no pastime I. What you would have I’ll stay to know at your abandoned cave.

JAQUES

This isn't relaxing or fun for me. I'll wait for you in your old cave if you need something from me.

Exit

DUKE SENIOR

Proceed, proceed. We’ll so begin these ritesAs we do trust they’ll end, in true delights.

DUKE SENIOR

Carry on, carry on. We'll begin these wedding ceremonies the way we hope they'll end—in true delight.

Dance

Exeunt all but ROSALIND

ROSALIND

It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue, butit is no more unhandsome than to see the lord the prologue. If it be true that good wine needs no bush, ’tis true that a good play needs no epilogue. Yet to good wine they do use good bushes, and good plays prove the better by the help of good epilogues. What a case amI in, then, that am neither a good epilogue nor cannot insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play. I am not furnished like a beggar; therefore to beg will not become me. My way is to conjure you, and I’ll begin withthe women. I charge you, O women, for the love you bearto men, to like as much of this play as please you. AndI charge you, O men, for the love you bear to women—as I perceive by your simpering, none of you hates them—that between you and the women the play may please. If I were a woman, I would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased me, complexions that liked me, and breaths that I defied not. And I am sure as many as havegood beards, or good faces, or sweet breaths will, for my kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.

ROSALIND

You don't usually see the actor playing the heroine deliver the epilogue, but it's not uglier than seeing the hero deliver the prologue. If it's true that good wine doesn't need to be advertised with ivy, then it should should also be true that a good play doesn't need an epilogue. And yet people do use good ivy to advertise for good wine, and good plays are improved with the help of good epilogues. I'm in a predicament, then, as I don't have a good epilogue. Nor am I confident that this was a good play. I'm not dressed as a beggar, so it wouldn't be right for me to beg. So, then, I'll enchant you, and I'll begin with the women. Oh, women, in the name of your love for men, I tell you to like as much of this play as you want. And you, oh men, in the name of your love for women—and I can see from your silly smiles that none of you hates women—I tell you to like the other parts of the play. If I were actually a woman, I would kiss as many of you men as had beards that pleased me, complexions that I liked, and breaths that weren't bad. And for the sake of my kind offer, I'm sure that all of you who do have good beards, or good faces, or sweet-smelling breaths will, sending me off with a round of applause when I curtsy, say goodbye.

Exit

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Matt cosby
About the Translator: Matt Cosby
Matt Cosby graduated from Amherst College in 2011, and currently works as a writer and editor for LitCharts. He is from Florida but now lives in Portland, Oregon, where he also makes art, plays the piano, and goes to dog parks.