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Act 4, Scene 1
Love's Labor's Lost Translation Act 4, Scene 2
Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL
SIR NATHANIEL
Very reverend sport, truly; and done in the testimonyof a good conscience.
SIR NATHANIEL
A very good shot, really, and you did it with a clear conscience.
HOLOFERNES
The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe as the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in the ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven; and anon falleth like a crab on the face of terra, the soil, the land, the earth.
HOLOFERNES
The deer was, as you know, in prime condition, as ripe as a juicy apple. At one moment it hung like an earring in the ear of the sky, the air, the heavens, and then, a moment later it fell like a crab-apple onto the ground, the soil, the land, the earth.
SIR NATHANIEL
Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetlyvaried, like a scholar at the least: but, sir, Iassure ye, it was a buck of the first head.
SIR NATHANIEL
Really, Master Holofernes, the variety of names you have used are lovely, similar to how a scholar would speak to say the least. However sir, I must correct you, it was a five-year-old male deer with its first antlers.
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HOLOFERNES
Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.
HOLOFERNES
Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.
DULL
'Twas not an 'auld grey doe', 'twas a pricket.
DULL
It wasn't an old grey doe, it was a two-year-old deer.
HOLOFERNES
Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind of insinuation, as it were, in via, in way, of explication; facere, as it were, replication, or rather, ostentare, to show, as it were, his inclination, after his undressed, unpolished, uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or rather, unlettered, or ratherest, unconfirmed fashion, to insert again my haud credo for a deer.
HOLOFERNES
What a ridiculous announcement! Yet, it is a kind of suggestion, as it were, a means of symbolizing a more detailed description. To make, as it were, a reply, or rather, to show his opinion, in the best way he can, as a scruffy, untidy, stupid, uncontrolled, uninstructed, or rather, uneducated, or even better ignorant idiot, to swap again my haud credo for a deer.
DULL
I said the deer was not an 'auld grey doe', twas a pricket.
DULL
I just said that the deer was not an old grey doe, it was a two-year-old deer.
HOLOFERNES
Twice-sod simplicity, his coctus!O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!
HOLOFERNES
Oh twice-boiled simplicity, twice cooked! Oh, you monster Ignorance, you look so deformed.
SIR NATHANIEL
Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred in a book; he hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk ink: his intellect is not replenished; he is only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts: And such barren plants are set before us, that we thankful should be, Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts that do fructify in us more than he. For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool, So were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school: But omne bene, say I; being of an old father's mind, Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.
SIR NATHANIEL
Sir, he has never enjoyed the treats that can be found in a book; he hasn't eaten paper, as it were; he hasn't drunk the ink. His mind has not been filled with ideas, he is just an animal, only able to feel things physically. Remember sir, when boring people are put before us, we should be thankful, that we are full of different tastes and emotions, since those things keep developing in us, when they don't in him. For although I know I should never be vain, careless, or an idiot, if he went to a school it would be like teaching a fool! Anyway, all is well, I say, if I remember what they used to think in the past, you have to just put up with the things that you can't change.
DULL
You two are book-men: can you tell me by your witWhat was a month old at Cain's birth, that's not fiveweeks old as yet?
DULL
You two are book-men—are you clever enough to tell me what was a month old when Cain was born, but still isn't five weeks old yet?
HOLOFERNES
Dictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.
HOLOFERNES
That would be Dictynna my goodman Dull, that would be Dictynna.
DULL
What is Dictynna?
DULL
What is Dictynna?
SIR NATHANIEL
A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.
SIR NATHANIEL
A title for the sister of Apollo, for Luna, the moon.
HOLOFERNES
The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,And raught not to five weeks when he came tofive-score.The allusion holds in the exchange.
HOLOFERNES
The moon was only a month old when Adam was the same age, and it hadn't reached five weeks old, even when Adam was a hundred! The riddle works for Adam as well.
DULL
'Tis true indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.
DULL
It's true indeed, the word play still works, even when the riddle has been changed.
HOLOFERNES
God comfort thy capacity! I say, the allusion holdsin the exchange.
HOLOFERNES
May God help your intelligence! I said already, that the riddle works for Adam as well.
DULL
And I say, the pollusion holds in the exchange; forthe moon is never but a month old: and I say besidethat, 'twas a pricket that the Princess killed.
DULL
And I say that there has been a mistake in your conversation, for the moon can never be more than a month old, and more than that, I am telling you that it was a two-year-old deer that the Princess killed.
HOLOFERNES
Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaphon the death of the deer? And, to humour theignorant, call I the deer the princess killed a pricket.
HOLOFERNES
Sir Nathaniel, would you like to hear an improvised eulogy about the death of the deer? To please the stupid listeners, I will even call the deer the Princess killed, only two-years-old.
SIR NATHANIEL
Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge; so it shallplease you to abrogate scurrility.
SIR NATHANIEL
Go on, good Master Holofernes, go on. Make sure you stay away from indecent language.
HOLOFERNES
I will something affect the letter, for it argues facility. The preyful princess pierced and prick'd a pretty pleasing pricket; Some say a sore; but not a sore, till now made sore with shooting. The dogs did yell: put L to sore, then sorel jumps from thicket; Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting. If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty sores one sorel. Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one more L.
HOLOFERNES
I will focus on using alliteration, as it will help the flow of it.
The preying Princess hit and killed a very lovely deer.
Some say it was a sore, an older deer, but it wasn't sore until it was made to be by being shot.
The dogs yelled, to add an "l" onto sore, and then it is a sorrel, a three-year-old deer that jumps out of the bushes.
Whatever kind of deer it was, the people started shouting.
If the deer is hurt, then adding an "l" to sore, makes fifty injured deer,
Or if there is one sore, one deer, I can make a hundred of them by adding one more "l."
SIR NATHANIEL
A rare talent!
SIR NATHANIEL
He has a rare talent!
DULL
[Aside] If a talent be a claw, look how he clawshim with a talent.
DULL
[To himself] Only if a talent is a claw, because look at how he flatters him with his talent.
HOLOFERNES
This is a gift that I have, simple, simple; a foolish extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures, shapes, objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions, revolutions: these are begot in the ventricle of memory, nourished in the womb of pia mater, and delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But the gift is good in those in whom it is acute, and I am thankful for it.
HOLOFERNES
It's a gift that I have, it's as simple as that. I am a silly, over-the top person, full of words, figures of speech, shapes, objects outside of the mind, ideas, views, inner feelings, reflections. These are made in the depths of memory, they grow in the outskirts of the brain, and are spoken when the time is just right. But a gift like this is good for a clever person, and I am thankful for it.
SIR NATHANIEL
Sir, I praise the Lord for you; and so may myparishioners; for their sons are well tutored byyou, and their daughters profit very greatly underyou: you are a good member of the commonwealth.
SIR NATHANIEL
Sir, I thank the Lord for you, and so do the people in my parish as well, since their sons are taught very well by you and their daughters make progress too. You are a very good member of the community.
HOLOFERNES
Mehercle, if their sons be ingenuous, they shallwant no instruction; if their daughters be capable,I will put it to them: but vir sapit qui paucaloquitur; a soul feminine saluteth us.
HOLOFERNES
By Hercules, if their sons are intelligent, I will teach them everything I know; if their daughters are able to understand, I will set them to work as well! But it is a wise man who says very little, a woman is coming over to talk to us.
Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD
JAQUENETTA
God give you good morrow, master Person.
JAQUENETTA
Good day to you, master Person.
HOLOFERNES
Master Parson, quasi pers-on. An if one should bepierced, which is the one?
HOLOFERNES
She says Parson, as if the word was piers-on. If someone should be pierced, who will it be?
COSTARD
Marry, master schoolmaster, he that is likest to a hogshead.
COSTARD
Well, master schoolmaster, it will be the person that is the most similar to a barrel of ale.
HOLOFERNES
Piercing a hogshead! a good lustre of conceit in atuft of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enoughfor a swine: 'tis pretty; it is well.
HOLOFERNES
Breaking open an ale barrel! A good moment of wit from someone so stupid, enough of a spark to light a fire, enough of a jewel to interest a villain. It is a good line.
JAQUENETTA
Good master Parson, be so good as read me thisletter: it was given me by Costard, and sent mefrom Don Armado: I beseech you, read it.
JAQUENETTA
Good master Parson, would you be so kind as to read this letter to me? It was given to me by Costard and has been sent to me from Don Armado. I beg you, please read it to me.
HOLOFERNES
Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbra Ruminat,—and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! I may speak of thee as the traveller doth of Venice; Venetia, Venetia, Chi non ti vede non ti pretia. Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! who understandeth thee not, loves thee not. Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa. Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? or rather, as Horace says in his—What, my soul, verses?
HOLOFERNES
"Faustus, while all of the cattle are chewing the fat in the cool shade, I beg you"and so on! Oh good old Mantua! I will speak about you, like a traveler speaks about Venice, "Venice, Venice, he that does not see you, will not admire you". Old Mantua, old Mantua, people who do not understand you, do not love you. [He sings] Do, re, mi, fa, so, la.
Excuse me sir, what are the contents of the letter? Or rather, as Horace would say, What is my ability in? Is it verses?
SIR NATHANIEL
Ay, sir, and very learned.
SIR NATHANIEL
Yes sir, and you are very good at them.
HOLOFERNES
Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege, domine.
HOLOFERNES
Let's hear a paragraph of it, or a stanza, or a verse. Read, master.
SIR NATHANIEL
[Reads] If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love? Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vow'd! Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove: Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like osiers bow'd. Study his bias leaves and makes his book thine eyes, Where all those pleasures live that art would comprehend: If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice; Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend, All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder; Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire: Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder, Which not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire. Celestial as thou art, O, pardon, love, this wrong, That sings heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.
SIR NATHANIEL
[Reading] If loving you will break my oath, then how can I swear on my oath that I love you? Oh faith could never hold onto me, if I was not so attached to your beauty! Even though I have broken the promises I made to myself, I will prove to you that I can be faithful. The thoughts I had that I thought were as strong as oaks, under your influence they were like a bending willow tree, constantly changing. The student now must abandon his studies and make your eyes his next book, the place where all the desires that knowledge understands live. If knowledge is the target, then to know you should be enough to hit it—your tongue is so clever that you can praise me. A person who sees you and isn't amazed is stupid, which means I must be at least a bit clever, because I admire everything about you. Your eyes shine like Jupiter's lightning, your voice echoes like his dreadful thunder which, as it is not often angry, sounds like music and sweet fire. You are so heavenly, please forgive all that I have done wrong for love, a love that praises you, a thing from heaven, with just a simple voice.
HOLOFERNES
You find not the apostraphas, and so miss the accent: let me supervise the canzonet. Here are only numbers ratified; but, for the elegancy, facility, and golden cadence of poesy, caret. Ovidius Naso was the man: and why, indeed, Naso, but for smelling out the odouriferous flowers of fancy, the jerks of invention? Imitari is nothing: so doth the hound his master, the ape his keeper, the tired horse his rider. But, damosella virgin, was this directed to you?
HOLOFERNES
You didn't notice the apostrophes and so you have put emphasis on the wrong words, let me look at this poem. Here are lines which have the right meter to them, but they lack elegancy, fluency, and the required flow of poetry. Ovid was the best man at doing this, and why was his surname Naso, why, because he could smell out the best parts of love to write about, the best witty speeches from his imagination. Imitation is pointless, it is like comparing a dog to its master, a monkey to its keep, a tired horse to its rider. But my virgin girl, was this letter given to you?
JAQUENETTA
Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Biron, one of the strangequeen's lords.
JAQUENETTA
Yes sir, from someone called Monsieur Biron, one of the foreign queen's lords.
HOLOFERNES
I will overglance the superscript: 'To the snow-white hand of the most beauteous Lady Rosaline.' I will look again on the intellect of the letter, for the nomination of the party writing to the person written unto: 'Your ladyship's in all desired employment, BIRON.' Sir Nathaniel, this Biron is one of the votaries with the king; and here he hath framed a letter to a sequent of the stranger queen's, which accidentally, or by the way of progression, hath miscarried. Trip and go, my sweet; deliver this paper into the royal hand of the king: it may concern much. Stay not thy compliment; I forgive thy duty; adieu.
HOLOFERNES
I will look again at who the letter is addressed to: "To the pure, white hand of the most beautiful Lady Rosaline." I will now look again at the signature of the letter, to find the name of the person who has written it: "Yours, in any way you want me to be, BIRON." Sir Nathaniel, this Biron is one of the lords who has sworn the oath with the king, and yet here he has written a letter to one of the foreign queen's ladies, which, either accidentally, or as a result of its journey, has failed to get to the right person. Get going, my sweet girl. Deliver this letter into the King's hand, it may be very important. Don't hang around to thank me, you don't need to show your appreciation. Goodbye now.
JAQUENETTA
Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!
JAQUENETTA
Good Costard, come with me! Sir, God's thanks to you!
COSTARD
Have with thee, my girl.
COSTARD
I'll go with you, my girl.
Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA
SIR NATHANIEL
Sir, you have done this in the fear of God, veryreligiously; and, as a certain father saith,—
SIR NATHANIEL
Sir, you have acted in fear of God, very religiously, and as a certain father said.
HOLOFERNES
Sir tell me not of the father; I do fear colourablecolours. But to return to the verses: did theyplease you, Sir Nathaniel?
HOLOFERNES
Sir don't tell me what this father said, I am scared of these displays of reason. To return to the verses of that letter, did you enjoy them, Nathaniel?
SIR NATHANIEL
Marvellous well for the pen.
SIR NATHANIEL
The handwriting was very nice.
HOLOFERNES
I do dine to-day at the father's of a certain pupil of mine; where, if, before repast, it shall please you to gratify the table with a grace, I will, on my privilege I have with the parents of the foresaid child or pupil, undertake your ben venuto; where I will prove those verses to be very unlearned, neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor invention: I beseech your society.
HOLOFERNES
I am going to have dinner today at the house of one of my student's fathers, where I hope before the meal, you will be able to say grace. I will use the relationship that I have with the parents of this child, or pupil, to make sure that you are welcome for the meal. When we are there, I will prove that these verses are very simple, and contain no poetry, wit, or imagination. I hope you with come with me.
SIR NATHANIEL
And thank you too; for society, saith the text, isthe happiness of life.
SIR NATHANIEL
Thank you kindly. For friendship, the text says, is the happiness of life.
HOLOFERNES
And, certes, the text most infallibly concludes it.
HOLOFERNES
And certainly, the text truly settles the matter.
To DULL
HOLOFERNES
Sir, I do invite you too; you shall notsay me nay: pauca verba. Away! the gentles are attheir game, and we will to our recreation.
HOLOFERNES
[To DULL] Sir, you are invited as well and you will not turn me down. Fewer words are best. Let's go! The lords are hunting, and now it's time for our entertainment.
Exeunt
