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The Comedy of Errors

The Comedy of Errors Translation Act 4, Scene 4

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Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS and the OFFICER

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Fear me not, man. I will not break away: I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money, To warrant thee, as I am ’rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood today And will not lightly trust the messenger That I should be attached in Ephesus. I tell you, ’twill sound harshly in her ears.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Don't be afraid of me, man. I won't try to flee: I'll give you, before I go, as much money as you've arrested me for, I assure you. My wife is not in a good mood today and she won't calmly accept the messenger's news that I've been arrested in Ephesus. I'm telling you, it will be upsetting news for her to hear. 

Enter DROMIO OF EPHESUS with a rope’s end

Here comes my man. I think he brings the money.How now, sir? Have you that I sent you for?

Here comes my servant. I think he has the money. And how are you, sir? Do you have what I sent you to get? 

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Here's enough, I promise you, to make them pay

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

But where’s the money?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

But where's the money?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Why, sir, I paid the money for the rope. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

You paid five hundred ducats, you villain, for a rope?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I'll get you five hundred ropes for five hundred ducats, sir. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

To what end did I order you to go to my house?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

To a rope’s end, sir, and to that end am I returned.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

To bring you a rope's end, sir, and, with that end in mind, I've returned. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. [beats DROMIOOF EPHESUS]

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Well, to make an end of it, sir, I'll welcome you. [Beats DROMIO OF EPHESUS]

OFFICER

Good sir, be patient.

OFFICER

Good sir, be patient. 

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Nay, ’tis for me to be patient. I am in adversity.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I'm the one who needs to be patient. I'm being attacked. 

OFFICER

Good now, hold thy tongue.

OFFICER

All right, all right, hold your tongue. 

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

No, tell him to hold his hands instead. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Thou whoreson, senseless villain.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

You scumbag villain with no sense!  

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I wish I had no senses, sir, so I didn't have to feel this beating. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

You're not smart enough to feel anything but beating, just like an ass. 

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears.—I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked with it when I sleep, raised with it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I go from home, welcomed home with it when I return. Nay, I bear it on my shoulders as a beggar wont her brat, and I think whenhe hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I'm an ass, indeed. You can prove that from my long ears—I have served my master from the hour I was born until this moment, and I've had no reward from him but beatings. When I'm cold, he heats me with beating. When I am warm, he cools me with beating. I'm woken up by beatings when I go to sleep, stood up by beatings when I sit down, thrown out the door with beatings when I'm leaving the house, and welcomed back home with beatings when I return. No, I carry beatings on my shoulders like a beggar carries her baby, and I think when he's crippled me, I'll beg just like that from door to door. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Come, go along. My wife is coming yonder.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Come on, let's go. My wife is approaching. 

Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the COURTESAN and a schoolmaster called PINCH

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Mistress, respice finem, respect your end, or rather, the prophecy like the parrot, “Beware the rope’s end.”

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Mistress, respice finem, respect your end, or, I should say, like a parrot that's learned to make prophecies, "Beware the rope's end."

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Wilt thou still talk? [beats DROMIO OF EPHESUS]

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Are you going to go on talking? [Beats DROMIO OF EPHESUS]

COURTESAN

How say you now? Is not your husband mad?

COURTESAN

What do you say now? Is your husband not crazy?

ADRIANA

His incivility confirms no less.—Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;Establish him in his true sense again,And I will please you what you will demand.

ADRIANA

His wild behavior makes me think so. Good Doctor Pinch, you are a magician. Put him back to normal, and I'll give you anything you ask for. 

LUCIANA

Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

LUCIANA

Oh no, how angry and nasty he looks! 

COURTESAN

Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.

COURTESAN

Notice how he shakes in his fit. 

PINCH

Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.

PINCH

Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. [strikes PINCH]

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Here is my hand, and now feel it on your ear. [Hits PINCH on the ear]

PINCH

I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight. I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.

PINCH

Satan, you are possessing this man's spirit, and I command you to be defeated by my prayers and get back to hell. I summon you out of this man's body by all the saints in heaven.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Peace, doting wizard, peace. I am not mad.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Calm down, you loony wizard, calm down. I am not crazy. 

ADRIANA

O, that thou wert not, poor distressèd soul!

ADRIANA

Oh, if only you weren't, poor, distressed man! 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

You minion, you, are these your customers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house today Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut And I denied to enter in my house?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

[To ADRIANA] You wicked woman, you, did you bring these people? Did this man here with the orange face feast at my house yesterday while the doors were shut on me and I was barred from entering my own house?

ADRIANA

O husband, God doth know you dined at home,Where would you had remained until this time,Free from these slanders and this open shame.

ADRIANA

Oh, husband, God knows you ate at home, where I wish you still were, free from these accusations and this public humiliation. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

“Dined at home”? Thou villain, what sayest thou?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

"Ate at home"?

 [To DROMIO OF EPHESUS] You villain, what do you say to that?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Sir, what you say is true, you did not eat at home. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Were not my doors locked up and I shut out?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Weren't my doors locked up and wasn't I shut out?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Perdie, your doors were locked, and you shut out.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I swear, your doors were locked and you were shut out. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

And did not she herself revile me there?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

And didn't my wife herself attack me there?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

It's not a fiction, she herself attacked you there. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Did not her kitchen maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Didn't her kitchen maid yell, taunt, and mock me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Certes, she did; the kitchen vestal scorned you.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Certainly, she did; the kitchen maid mocked you. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

And did not I in rage depart from thence?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

And didn't I depart in rage from there?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

In verity you did.—My bones bear witness,That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

In truth, you did.

[To others]
 My bruised bones are proof of that, since they felt the violence of his rage. 

ADRIANA

[To PINCH] Is’t good to soothe him in these contraries?

ADRIANA

[To PINCH] Is it healthy to go along with his falsehoods?

PINCH

It is no shame. The fellow finds his veinAnd, yielding to him, humors well his frenzy.

PINCH

It's not a problem. The man knows your husband is making up crazy stories and is playing along to humor him. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

[to ADRIANA ] Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrestme.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

[To ADRIANA] You have hired the goldsmith to arrest me. 

ADRIANA

Alas, I sent you money to redeem youBy Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

ADRIANA

No, I only sent you bail money with Dromio, who had come running for it. 

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Money by me! heart and goodwill you might,But surely, master, not a rag of money.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Money from me! Thoughts and prayers maybe.

[To ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS] But, I swear, master, not a piece of money. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Did you not go to her for a bag of ducats?

ADRIANA

He came to me, and I delivered it.

ADRIANA

He came to me and I gave the money to him. 

LUCIANA

And I am witness with her that she did.

LUCIANA

And I was there and saw her give it. 

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

God and the rope-maker bear me witnessThat I was sent for nothing but a rope.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

God and the rope-maker alone know that I was sent to get nothing but a rope. 

PINCH

Mistress, both man and master is possessed. I know it by their pale and deadly looks. They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

PINCH

[To ADRIANA] Dear lady, both this man and his master are possessed. I know that from their pale and angry looks. They must be tied up and left in a dark room somewhere. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

[to ADRIANA ] Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth today. [to DROMIO OF EPHESUS ] And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

[To ADRIANA] Tell me why you locked me out today. 

[To DROMIO OF EPHESUS] And why do you deny having the bag of gold?

ADRIANA

I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

ADRIANA

I did not, gentle husband, lock you out. 

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

And, gentle master, I received no gold.But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

And, gentle master, I received no gold. But I admit, sir, that we were locked out. 

ADRIANA

Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.

ADRIANA

Deceitful villain, both of these are lies. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all, And art confederate with a damnèd pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me. But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes That would behold in me this shameful sport.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Deceitful woman, all you've said is lies, and you're in cahoots with a cursed mob to make a disgraced mockery of me. But I'll use my nails to pluck out your lying eyes that want to see me humiliated. 

Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives.

ADRIANA

O bind him, bind him! Let him not come near me.

ADRIANA

Oh, tie him up, tie him up! Don't let him come near me. 

PINCH

More company! The fiend is strong within him.

PINCH

We need backup! The demon is strong inside him. 

LUCIANA

Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

LUCIANA

Oh, God, poor man, how pale and weak he looks! 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

What, will you murder me?—Thou jailer, thou,I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer themTo make a rescue?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

What, will you murder me?

[To OFFICER] You jailer, you, I'm already your prisoner. Will you allow them to steal me away?

OFFICER

Masters, let him go.He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

OFFICER

Gentlemen, let him go. He's my prisoner, and you shall not have him. 

PINCH

Go, bind this man, for he is frantic too.

PINCH

Go, tie up this man, for he is crazy too. 

They bind DROMIO OF EPHESUS

ADRIANA

What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?Hast thou delight to see a wretched manDo outrage and displeasure to himself?

ADRIANA

What will you do, you obstinate officer? Do you take pleasure in seeing a disgraced man harm and embarrass himself?

OFFICER

He is my prisoner. If I let him go,The debt he owes will be required of me.

OFFICER

He's my prisoner. If I let him go, I'll have to pay the debt that he owes. 

ADRIANA

I will discharge thee ere I go from thee.Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.—Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyedHome to my house. O most unhappy day!

ADRIANA

I will pay you that debt before I leave you. Bring me immediately to the person he owes, and, when I hear how much the debt is, I'll pay it. 

[To PINCH] Good Doctor, make sure he's conveyed safely home to my house. Oh, what an awful day! 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

O most unhappy strumpet!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Oh, what an awful woman! 

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Master, I am here entered in bond for you.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Master, I'm tied up here because of you. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Shut up, villain! Why do you keep annoying me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good master.Cry “The devil!”

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Will you be tied up and not resist? Be crazy, master. Cry, "The devil!"

LUCIANA

God help poor souls! How idly do they talk!

LUCIANA

God help poor souls! They talk a lot of nothing! 

ADRIANA

Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.

ADRIANA

Go bring him to my house. Sister, come with me. 

Exeunt PINCH and the men, with ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS and DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Manent OFFICER, ADRIANA, LUCIANA, COURTESAN

Say now whose suit is he arrested at.

Tell me now who's had him arrested. 

OFFICER

One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him?

OFFICER

A man named Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him?

ADRIANA

I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

ADRIANA

I know the man. How much does he owe?

OFFICER

Two hundred ducats.

OFFICER

Two hundred ducats. 

ADRIANA

Say, how grows it due?

ADRIANA

What does he owe it for?

OFFICER

Due for a chain your husband had of him.

OFFICER

It's for a chain your husband bought from him. 

ADRIANA

He did bespeak a chain for me but had it not.

ADRIANA

He did mention a chain for me, but he didn't have it. 

COURTESAN

Whenas your husband all in rage todayCame to my house and took away my ring,The ring I saw upon his finger now,Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

COURTESAN

When your husband angrily today came to my house and took away my ring, the ring I saw him wearing on his finger now, I met him right after that and he had a chain. 

ADRIANA

It may be so, but I did never see it.—Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is.I long to know the truth hereof at large.

ADRIANA

That may be true, but I never saw it. 

[To OFFICER] Come, jailer, bring me to where the goldsmith is. I'd love to know the truth of this story finally. 

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE with his rapier drawn and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

LUCIANA

God for Thy mercy, they are loose again!

LUCIANA

Oh my God, they're loose again! 

ADRIANA

And come with naked swords. Let’s call more helpTo have them bound again.

ADRIANA

And they've come with their swords drawn. Let's call for reinforcements to tie them up again. 

OFFICER

Away! They’ll kill us.

OFFICER

Get out of here! They'll kill us. 

Run all out as fast as may be, frighted.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

I see these witches are afraid of swords.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

I see these witches are afraid of swords. 

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

She that would be your wife now ran from you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

The woman who claims she's your wife runs away from you now. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Come to the Centaur. Fetch our stuff from thence.I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Go to the Centaur. Get our stuff from there. I wish we were safe and sound onboard the ship. 

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Faith, stay here this night. They will surely do us no harm. You saw they speak us fair, give us gold. Methinksthey are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, i could find in my heart to stay here still, and turn witch.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Please, stay here tonight. They surely won't hurt us. You saw they said nice things to us and gave us gold. I think they're such a nice people that, if it weren't for the mountain of fat that says I'm supposed to marry her, I would love to stay here longer, and become a witch myself. 

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

I will not stay tonight for all the town.Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

I would not stay here tonight even if they gave me the whole town. So go and get our stuff on the ship. 

Exeunt

The comedy of errors
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Dan rubins
About the Translator: Dan Rubins

Dan Rubins is currently completing his MA in Shakespeare Studies from King's College London/Shakespeare's Globe and will be pursuing an MA in Elementary Inclusive Education from Teachers College, Columbia University. He holds a BA in English from Yale University. His Masters dissertation focuses on announcements of death in early modern drama, and other research areas of interest include Shakespeare in transformative contexts (prisons, schools, etc.) and rhyme in Shakespeare's dramatic texts. In addition to teaching and learning, he also writes theatre reviews (often of Shakespeare productions), composes musical theatre (frequently with Shakespearean inspirations), and sings in choirs (occasionally in Shakespearean choral settings).