Breaking Night

Liz ends up graduating from HPA in two years, a task that takes “everything I had.” She takes night classes, early-morning math classes, and spends a lot of time with her teachers during independent study. Because she’s homeless, she has to deal with certain issues that her fellow students never have to think about, such as lifting heavy textbooks. Not knowing where she’ll be spending the night, Liz has no choice but to carry all her books wherever she goes, which gives her serious back pain. She also struggles to get enough sleep to be able to summon the concentration necessary to get good grades.

From time to time, Liz is on the verge of giving up on her goal of graduating high school. Usually, this happens early in the morning, after a long night of working on homework. Too many times to count, Liz considers going back to sleep and skipping school. But she forces herself to remember her transcript, and the importance of filling it up with good grades. She imagines herself as a runner, jumping over hurdle after hurdle. Every day, Liz struggles to go to school, but in the end she always does.

Liz loves many of her teachers. A woman named Susan teaches her math, but spends more time talking about literature. She also gets along well with Caleb, Doug, and Elijah, three young teachers who’ve all graduated from excellent schools. Caleb is tough but clearly devoted to his students, and he teaches Liz that a teacher can both be “compassionate and [hold] a student to a higher standard.” Very slowly, Liz comes to love school. Her teachers are always her role models.

In after-school science class, Liz learns about HIV and AIDS prevention. Her teachers stress that she needs to “steer the ship” in her relationships with men, and that she should treat her body like a “temple.”

In her after-school class, Liz meets a young woman named Eva. Eva lives with her father, who is a painter and Holocaust survivor. Liz begins spending more time with Eva, and often eats dinner with her. She also spends time with another student, James. James is a tall, handsome student, and Liz begins dating him. She sleeps over at his house, and she always feels very secure around him. Slowly, Liz is building a new family to replace the one she’s lost.

Liz occasionally sees her family, but it’s always very uncomfortable. She spends some holidays and birthdays with Daddy and Lisa, and stresses over even the smallest details of these celebrations—for example, what kind of card to buy her sister for her birthday. At one of these celebrations, Daddy tells Liz that he’s HIV positive. He also begs her not to tell Lisa. Liz is shocked, but she decides to treat her father with compassion, rather than running away from him. She finds the courage to “let go of my hurt” and forgive him for everything he’s done to her.

Liz begins to think of school as a sanctuary from the rest of her life. She enjoys studying for her classes because it involves spending time with her new friends. She also takes pride in having a good summer job with NYPIRG.

Liz continues to feel the temptation to misbehave. At one point, she tries to shoplift some groceries. However, as she’s about to leave the store, she remembers something Perry Weiner said. After a student’s wallet was stolen, Perry told the student body, “It’s a hurt to our community.” Standing in the store, Liz begins to understand what Perry meant. Stealing from the store would raise prices on groceries, hurting other families or even putting the store out of business. She swallows hard and pays for her groceries.

In class, Liz and Eva are assigned a presentation on HIV/AIDS. They come up with an idea to structure the presentation as a fight between two gangs, the Crips and the Bloods. Their presentation is informative and entertaining, and Liz genuinely enjoys learning about the disease. As she presents, however, she begins to think about Ma. Strangely, she pictures Ma as a beautiful young woman, not an exhausted, emaciated victim.

After a year and a half at HPA, Liz has racked up near-perfect grades, and is on track to graduate in just one more semester. It’s time for her to consider scholarship applications. Her guidance counselor, Jessie Klein, tells her that she’s in “great shape” for going to college, though she needs to be careful about planning for funding.

Liz slowly realizes that most scholarships are “barely enough to cover food at top colleges,” let alone tuition. Then, she learns about The New York Times College Scholarship Program, which provides $12,000 a year for students who write excellent essays on their experiences with adversity. Liz applies for this scholarship, and many others.

At the end of her time at HPA, Liz wins many school awards for her academic excellence. She, along with Eva and other exceptional HPA students, wins a free trip to Boston. Liz and Eva visit Boston College and enjoy the beauty of the town. On the trip, Liz peppers Perry Weiner with questions about what college is like. Perry takes the students to Harvard Yard for a group picture. During the excursion, Perry suggests that Liz apply to Harvard.

A few months later, Liz goes in to The New York Times building for her scholarship interview. She’s one of the twenty-one finalists for the scholarship, out of many thousands of applicants. By this time, Lisa is living with Liz in a one-bedroom apartment in Bedford Park. Lisa, who works at the Gap, pays the bills while Liz finishes high school. A few days before Liz’s interview, however, Lisa loses her job. For months, Liz has been working as hard as she can to finish her classes and apply to colleges. She and Lisa visit the welfare office to apply for help, but they’re turned down for unclear reasons.

Liz goes in for her Times interview, knowing that if she doesn’t get this scholarship, she probably won’t be able to go to college. Until this moment, she’s never fully realized how influential and famous The New York Times is: she’s never seen anybody reading it, except on the subway. During her interview, Liz tells her interviewers about her life: her relationship with her parents, her struggles to support herself, all the hard work she’s done to graduate from high school in two years. She finishes her interview with a simple statement: “I need the scholarship.”

A few days later, Liz gets a call explaining that she’s been awarded a Times scholarship. The next few weeks are a “whirlwind.” She’s interviewed by dozens of reporters, visits The New York Times Building many more times, and has the surreal experience of seeing her name and picture in one of the most famous newspapers in the world. Perry Weiner and the other teachers are overjoyed. But Perry is also very concerned about how Liz is going to pay for her rent, food, and other expenses at Harvard.

Then, something amazing happens. Friends, well-wishers, and people Liz has never even heard of begin to send her money and support. One man pays all of Lisa and Liz’s rent for the year. Liz never sleeps on the streets again. Another woman offers to do Liz’s laundry from now on.

In the spring, Liz learns that she’s been wait-listed for Harvard. Secretly, she’s terrified by the uncertainty. Liz has been dealing with uncertainty throughout her life, whether regarding her family, her job, or her home. Every Friday, she calls the Harvard admissions office to ask if a decision has been reached, and every Friday she gets the same answer: not yet.

One day, Liz calls the admissions office and learns that Harvard has mailed her decision letter. She tells Perry Weiner that, in no more than a couple days, she’s going to find out if she’s been accepted to Harvard. Perry smiles gently and tells her, “No matter where you go to school, you’ll always be you. Wherever you go, college, job interviews, relationships, all of it […] You really will be fine either way.”

On the train ride home, Liz thinks carefully about Perry Weiner’s words, and realizes that Perry is right. That night, as she falls asleep, she relaxes and manages to focus on “something other than my admission letter” for the first time in months.

The next day, Liz waits for the mailman, sure that her admission letter is coming soon. As she waits, she realizes that the admissions letter “already stated whatever it stated,” and there’s nothing she could do to change it. Instead, she decides, she should focus on the things she can change: she can treat other people with kindness and compassion, and she can enjoy her freedom and “carve out a life for myself.” And in this moment, she realizes that her life will not be determined by her circumstances, or her past tragedies. It’ll be determined by her “willingness to put one foot in front of the other.”