The Poet X

by

Elizabeth Acevedo

Teachers and parents! Our Teacher Edition on The Poet X makes teaching easy.

15-year-old Xiomara sits on the stoop of her building in Harlem in the last week before school starts. Even the drug dealers seem more pleasant as they catcall her. Xiomara sneaks back upstairs before Mami gets home from work. Xiomara explains that she’s tall, curvy, and gets a lot of attention on the street—but Mami tells her that it’s her responsibility to not let men catcall her. She explains that her name means “one who is ready for war,” and she’s lived up to it spectacularly. Her twin brother, whom she calls Twin, was born first with no complications, but Xiomara’s birth was difficult and she hasn’t lived up to her parents’ expectations since then.

This year, Xiomara is taking confirmation class with her best friend Caridad. Xiomara doesn’t want to be confirmed: she’s not sure she wants to worship God, since God doesn’t seem to care about her. Mami refuses to consider allowing Xiomara to put off confirmation and threatens to send her to the Dominican Republic, where the nuns beat Mami. Because Mami and Papi were old when Xiomara and Twin were born, Xiomara and Twin are considered miracles. Papi stopped drinking, listening to music, and flirting after the twins were born, but Xiomara nonetheless feels like a burden. Mami wanted to be a nun as a young person, but her parents forced her to marry Papi so she could move to the United States. Confirmation class is horrible from the start, especially when Father Sean says that the students need to devote themselves of their own volition—something that Xiomara has never been able to do. During class, Xiomara whispers to her friend Caridad about kissing boys.

The next day, Xiomara starts tenth grade. Twin attends a fancy “genius school,” but Xiomara attends her local school. This year, Xiomara has Ms. Galiano for English, who has a reputation for being tough. Ms. Galiano pronounces Xiomara’s name right on the first try, and then seems genuinely interested to see her class’s answers to what the most impactful day of their life was. As a rough draft, Xiomara writes about starting her period. Mami slapped her when she tried to use tampons, even though Xiomara had no idea what her period even was. Mami spat that tampons were for cueros (whores). Xiomara’s final draft is about receiving a poetry notebook from Twin for her birthday.

Every day, Xiomara does chores after school. Twin doesn’t help because Mami doesn’t make him, but Mami still likes him better—he’s devout and very smart. Xiomara writes about how lonely she feels and how guys at school catcall her, making her want to disappear. One weekend, Xiomara has to stand up to a guy at the basketball park when he aggressively taunts her and Twin for staring, and Twin in particular for not being manly. Xiomara writes poems about what she wishes she’d said and thinks about how she’s taunted no matter what she does or wears. She’s upset that Twin never stands up for her.

That Sunday, Xiomara doesn’t take communion. She thinks it’s not worth thanking God for giving her life when she can’t live. Mami tries to force Xiomara, but Xiomara refuses. For the next week, Xiomara attends Mass with Mami, but she spits her communion wafer out. At school, Xiomara finds a poster for a spoken word poetry club that Ms. Galiano runs. She wants to go, but she has confirmation class on Tuesday too. Xiomara’s biology class begins doing labs and her lab partner is a handsome boy named Aman. She develops a crush on him immediately. Xiomara also asks Ms. Galiano about the poetry club and learns what spoken word is when Ms. Galiano shows a clip of a black female poet. It’s moving, but Xiomara declares she could never perform. Aman and Xiomara agree to listen to a Kendrick Lamar album one Friday afternoon. Even though Xiomara isn’t allowed to date, she goes and sits close to him. Xiomara explains that she’s decided she’ll only ever love Twin, even though he’s terrible—he has no twin intuition and isn’t cool, and he seldom acknowledges Xiomara. When he does, though, it’s usually profound. After her date, Twin comments that Xiomara looks different. Xiomara writes secret poems about Aman and whispers to Caridad about him in confirmation class.

Ms. Galiano returns Xiomara’s assignment with a note suggesting that Xiomara is poetic and should join the club. Xiomara wants to, but thinks she can’t. She continues to spend time with Aman and, when he asks, reads him a poem. As the weeks pass, Xiomara continues to hide her communion wafers and spend time with Aman. One day in confirmation class, Father Sean talks about how Eve should’ve resisted the apple. Xiomara thinks this is nonsense. She asks if the Bible is a metaphor and why people have curiosity if they can’t use it. She knows she’s in trouble and after class, Father Sean doesn’t answer Xiomara’s questions—but he encourages her to speak to Mami.

As Xiomara spends more time with Aman, she masturbates at night. It feels good, but it makes her feel ashamed. Xiomara notices that Twin is texting someone too and seems unusually giggly. One afternoon at school, the fire alarm goes off. Xiomara and Aman go to the park and they kiss. She doesn’t answer when he invites her to a Halloween party and feels as though everyone at confirmation class later can see that she’s been kissing. Father Sean tries to check in with Xiomara and mentions that his mother died. Later, Xiomara mentions this to Twin and asks who he’s texting. Twin points out that they’re both messing around and they’ll get in trouble if Mami and Papi find out. Xiomara thinks that Mami and Papi would be fine if Twin brought home a girl, but she’s not sure what they’d do if he brought home a boy. Twin comes home with a black eye the next day and won’t explain where he got it.

Rather than go to the movies with Caridad and Twin the Saturday before Halloween, Xiomara sneaks out to the Halloween party with Aman. They dance, but Xiomara asks him to stop before it gets too intense. On Monday after school, Xiomara goes to Twin’s school to beat up whoever punched him. Instead, Xiomara sees Twin with a redheaded boy. Twin tells Xiomara to leave it alone. Xiomara understands that she can’t protect Twin forever, but she didn’t expect this. He explains that the boy’s name is Cody, and Xiomara wonders if she made things worse by never voicing support for gay people. Ms. Galiano’s next assignment asks students to talk about someone who’s misunderstood. Xiomara writes in her rough draft how Mami used to be her hero but now, Mami treats her differently. She turns in a piece about Nicki Minaj. Later, Chris, a boy from the poetry club, performs a poem for Xiomara’s class and Ms. Galiano invites everyone to attend a poetry slam in February. Xiomara wants to be there.

Aman invites Xiomara to go ice-skating, something she used to do but hasn’t done in a while. Aman is a great skater. He loves winter sports, but his dad refused to put him in lessons. On the train home, Xiomara and Aman kiss. When Xiomara gets home, she hears Mami shouting—Mami was on the train and saw her. Twin tries to help Xiomara leave, but Mami drags Xiomara to her alter of the Virgin Mary and forces her to kneel on rice. Mami calls Xiomara a cuero, and Xiomara explains that any girl can be a cuero. The next day, she goes to school and guys grab her in front of Aman. Aman doesn’t stand up for her, so Xiomara threatens both her attacker and Aman.

As required by Mami, Xiomara asks to meet Father Sean for confession. He pulls her into the rectory, where Xiomara explains that she lusted and disobeyed—but she’s not sorry. Father Sean encourages her to ask for God’s forgiveness, but tells Mami later that Xiomara shouldn’t be confirmed yet, as she should have time to answer her questions. Mami hisses at Xiomara that she must be confirmed. Xiomara writes poems about breaking free from Mami and ignores Aman. She writes in her notebook and scoffs at Twin’s suggestion that she write a nice poem for herself, and she refuses to give a real answer to Ms. Galiano’s next assignment. When Ms. Galiano asks to speak to Xiomara, she suggests that Xiomara attend poetry club. Because Xiomara is no longer expected at confirmation, she agrees.

Xiomara meets Isabelle, Chris, and Stephan and recites a poem. She feels heard and respected by them and by Ms. Galiano. Later, she runs to church to pretend that she was in class. When Caridad hears where Xiomara was, she talks Mami into letting Xiomara and Twin come with her to an open mic at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe. Xiomara feels hopeful, especially when Isabelle catches her eating lunch in the bathroom and invites her to eat lunch in the art room. After school, Xiomara finds Twin crying—Cody broke up with him. Despite this, Twin agrees to go to the open mic and Xiomara discovers that Caridad signed her up to perform. Xiomara is terrified, but she loves performing and both she and Twin feel validated. Xiomara realizes that by performing, she can make others feel the same way.

Xiomara feels like poetry club is her version of a prayer circle. She writes, helps her friends with their poetry, and recites poems for Ms. Galiano. She spends all of winter break writing and receives an odd gift from Mami on Christmas Eve. It’s Xiomara’s baby bracelet, which reads Mi Hija on one side and Xiomara’s name on the other. School starts and a week later, Twin and Xiomara exchange gifts for their birthday: a new notebook for Xiomara and a comic about a gay superhero for Twin. Xiomara feels amazing until she realizes in poetry club that she left her old notebook at home—and then receives a voicemail from Mami. Xiomara gets home to find Mami holding her journal. Mami feels betrayed and is incensed by what’s in it, so she lights it on fire and starts to pray. Xiomara begins to shout her poems as Papi takes the notebook from Mami. Twin holds Mami back while Xiomara escapes.

Xiomara calls Caridad and then Aman. Xiomara goes to Aman’s house. She tells him what happened and he comforts her. They kiss and begin to remove clothing, but Xiomara stops him before they have sex. She’s ready for Aman to turn her out, but instead, he dries her tears. The next day, Ms. Galiano takes Xiomara into the hall and explains that she knows something is wrong and called home last night—Papi had no idea where Xiomara was. Xiomara tells Ms. Galiano everything and agrees to talk to Mami. After school, Aman, Caridad, and Twin help Xiomara ask Father Sean for help before heading home. Mami sobs and hugs Xiomara. Xiomara and Mami begin counseling with Father Sean and after a few weeks, Father Sean asks if they can all come to the poetry slam. Ms. Galiano coaches Xiomara and Xiomara even practices at home. All of Xiomara’s family and friends come to the slam and then to Xiomara’s house afterwards, where Papi teaches her to dance and he and Mami assure her that they won’t go back to being the way they were before. As her final assignment, she writes about her favorite Bible verse and suggests that poetry is like church, since words bring people together.