Dibs in Search of Self Chapter 19 Summary & Analysis

At Dibs’s 12th session, he asks to record on the tape recorder in Axline’s office. As the tape rolls, Dibs starts talking about his family and his school. Then he asks why his father slammed the door, saying that his father is “stupid and careless.” He says he doesn’t want his father around if his father is going to act like that, and he threatens to lock his father in his room.

While Dibs is still exhibiting some hostile feelings towards his father, he has a slightly different perspective now. Whereas in Dibs’s earlier sessions he criticized himself, now he is criticizing his father using his father’s own words. Like with the story of the fire, he expresses a desire for his father to understand the pain of the punishments to which Dibs has been subjected.

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Dibs rewinds the tape and listens to it several times. He turns on the recorder again and tells a story about a boy going into his father’s study and saying that he hates his father. The father begins to cry and apologize for what he did, and the boy says that he’s going to punish him and get rid of him. Dibs clicks off the recorder and assures Axline that this is just a story—in fact, he made gifts for his father at school. Then Dibs adds to the recording, saying he hates his father because his father is mean to him. When Dibs clicks off the recorder, he says that his father isn’t mean anymore. Dibs turns on the recorder once more, threatening his father by saying that if he locks Dibs up again, he’ll kill him. When he is finished, he asks Axline to save the tape.

Here Dibs grapples with the conflict between the anger he has often felt between him and his father and the growing emotional connection between them. Dibs is recognizing that he can both love his father and still bear negative feelings towards him for the pain that he has caused. The goal is not for Dibs’s life to be completely perfect. Instead, Axline hopes to give Dibs the tools to work through his negative emotions and be able to express the positive ones more openly as well—which he also does here.

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Dibs then declares that he wants to go back to the playroom. He goes over to the dollhouse and gets the father doll, then builds a prison in the sandbox for him. Once the doll is in jail, he tells Axline that he used to be afraid of his father because he was mean, but now he isn’t mean anymore. Dibs then informs Axline that his father takes care of him, but he’s still punishing his father for all the things that made him sad. Dibs takes the boy doll and rescues the father doll from the prison, after which the father doll says he loves Dibs.

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This episode demonstrates the clear benefits of the play therapy: it allows Dibs to express his emotions and feelings without fear of judgment for violent behaviors. And, in doing so, Dibs is able to then move beyond those feelings. He puts his father in “prison” but then also acknowledges that his father takes care of him, and so Dibs rescues him. The fact that Dibs wants his father to understand his sad feelings only highlights the benefit of Axline’s empathetic approach.

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Dibs explains that he talked to his father today: Dibs said good morning and told his father to have a nice time today, and his father returned his greeting. Dibs also says that on Sunday, his father took the family to the beach on Long Island. His father told him about the oceans and the tides and they built a sandcastle together. The family was very happy together.

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Dibs then shows that his feelings about his father are not only shifting internally, but that these shifts are also translating to how he interacts with his father. The more he is able to express his negative feelings with Axline, the less he focuses on them when he actually spends time with his family.

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Dibs returns to the sandbox and says that he didn’t want to keep his father locked up and buried: he just wanted to teach him a lesson. Axline says she understands, and Dibs smiles. Axline notes that Dibs has been more open with his expressions of vengeance and hate only after he started to feel more secure in his relationship with his father.

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Axline sums up the benefits of her non-judgmental therapy, as it helps Dibs to work past his feelings of vengeance and hate and develop a better relationship with his father. He had to be able to do this at his own pace, becoming more confident in himself before he could overcome and combat the criticisms from his father.

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Dibs in Search of Self: Chapter 19 Summary & Analysis