Harbor Me

Amari held up the piece of paper and aimed it at Holly. Pow. Mind your business. Now, those are words to go with my picture.

I’m going to tell Ms. Laverne you’re up in here threatening people, Holly said.

Amari looked sadder than anything for a minute, like if someone touched his shoulder, he’d start to cry.

But that kid getting killed and then my dad saying I couldn’t play with guns anymore? That made me hate you.

But I didn’t do—

Not YOU, I mean, I didn’t hate you. I don’t know how to say it.

I do, I said. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that you’re a boy and Ashton’s a boy and he can do something you can’t do anymore. That’s not freedom.

They looked at each other. And it was like they had left us. Like they had gone back to that day when they were little kids and were standing in the school yard with the September light shining down on them and kids running all around. The sound of the flag flicking in the wind above them. It’s all good. I’m Amari were the words raining down over them. Like snow. Like soft and welcoming snow.

Well, on that first day I got here, I stared up at that flag thinking, this is happening all over America… All over America, kids were saying the Pledge of Allegiance, saying ‘indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.’ All over America, we had memorized this, but did anybody know what it meant?...

I didn’t either… But it gave us a sameness.

I never even thought about my color till that day…

Lucky you, Holly said.

How’s that lucky?

Because every single body in this room except you had to think about themselves that way already. Like, way before now. The way you felt like you were on the outside of everything? Like you weren’t a part of it? Well, that’s the way a whole lot of people feel every day.

My mom has the past dreams of Puerto Rico and the future dream of this place. And this place acts like it doesn’t have any future dreams of us.

I know in my heart, Tiago whispered, the language we like to speak is music and poetry and even cold, sweet piraguas on hot, hot summer days. But it feels like this place wants to break my heart. It feels like every day it tries to make my mom feel tinier and tinier, like the size of Perrito’s head in my hands.

Even though it’s kinda sad, what happened and everything, it feels happy too, that we have each other. Like that thing Ms. Laverne said about how we have to harbor each other, you remember?... I feel like your story does that. You’re my same age and you have to be strong for your dad. It makes me feel like I can be strong too.