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Mrs. Smith
Mr. Smith is Mrs. Smith’s husband. His line of work isn’t specified, but he’s presented as a typical bourgeois professional who enjoys the pleasures of reading the paper and smoking a pipe in his prim suburban home. Mrs. Smith implies that he’s a heavy drinker, although this is never shown. His insistence that the doorbell ringing means someone is there, in spite of the three times his wife has opened the door to find no one, shows a certain smug assurance of conventional wisdom even in the face of reality contradicting him, as well as a degree of chauvinist condescension towards his wife.
Mr. Smith Quotes in The Bald Soprano
The The Bald Soprano quotes below are all either spoken by Mr. Smith or refer to Mr. Smith. For each quote, you can also see the other characters and themes related to it (each theme is indicated by its own dot and icon, like this one:
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The Bald Soprano Quotes
MRS. SMITH: There, it’s nine o’clock. We’ve drunk the soup, and eaten the fish and chips, and the English salad. The children have drunk English water. We’ve eaten well this evening. That’s because we live in the suburbs of London and because our name is Smith.
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The play opens on a “middle-class English interior,” where Mr. and Mrs. Smith sit comfortably after their evening meal. Suddenly, the clock tolls 17 times, triggering Mrs. Smith’s long monologue recounting the meal they’ve just eaten, which begins in this passage. From her first words, something already seems awry in the world of the play, as she takes the bizarre 17 strokes of the clock to indicate that it’s 9:00 p.m.—a perplexing deduction, considering that clocks don’t chime so many times and considering that, even if they did, 9:00 p.m. would be 19 chimes (in military time). The clock will Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi necessitatibus voluptas. Accusamus eaque omnis. Velit eaque error. Possimus corrupti soluta. Qui aut a. Rerum voluptas debitis. Voluptatem accusantium est. Mollitia
MR. SMITH [still reading his paper]: Tsk, it says here that Bobby Watson died.
MRS. SMITH: My God, the poor man! When did he die?
MR. SMITH: Why do you pretend to be astonished? You know very well that he's been dead these past two years. Surely you remember that we attended his funeral a year and a half ago.
MRS. SMITH: Oh yes, of course I do remember. I remembered it right away, but I don't understand why you yourself were so surprised to see it in the paper.
MR. SMITH: It wasn't in the paper. It's been three years since his death was announced. I remembered it through an association of ideas.
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Mrs. Smith’s monologue proceeds through a detailed review of each course of their dinner, to which Mr. Smith only responds with intermittent clicks of his tongue. When she changes the topic to her doctor, Mr. Smith finally speaks up to challenge her, in the process revealing that he, too, seems to be operating in some loony world unlike the audience’s own. He then returns to his paper, at which point this passage occurs. The passage shows the Smiths’ apprehension of time fluctuating by whole years from one line to the next. What the unruly clanging of the clock at the Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi necessitatibus voluptas. Accusamus eaque omnis. Velit eaque error. Possimus corrupti soluta.
It is his wife that I mean. She is called Bobby too, Bobby Watson. Since they both had the same name, you could never tell one from the other when you saw them together. It was only after his death that you could really tell which was which.
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As Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s discussion of Bobby Watson’s death continues, it branches out to cover other members of Bobby’s family. Mrs. Smith cries out, “Poor Bobby!”, and in this passage she explains that she was referring to the deceased Bobby’s wife. It soon becomes clear that absolutely everyone Bobby was related to is also named Bobby Watson. This passage exemplifies the characters’ commitment to making logical distinctions, which universally appear absurd in the context of the senseless and ludicrous world of the play. Names, of course, would have no effect on one’s ability to tell Bobby and his wife Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi necessitatibus voluptas. Accusamus eaque omnis. Velit eaque error. Possimus corrupti soluta. Qui aut a. Rerum
How bizarre, curious, strange! Then, madam, we live in the same room and we sleep in the same bed, dear lady. It is perhaps there that we have met!
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As the Smiths’ half-sensical conversation proceeds, they are surprised to learn that their friends, the Martins, have been waiting outside, expecting to be treated to dinner. As the Smiths excuse themselves to change clothes, the Martins sit down to wait and strike up a conversation in which it appears they’ve each forgotten who the other is. Feeling that they’ve met before, they each offer details from their lives that continue to match up exactly with one another’s. By the point this passage arrives, they’ve deduced that their lodgings and indeed their beds are exactly the same. The scene’s humor arises Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi nece
MR. MARTIN: Don't you feel well? [Silence.]
MRS. SMITH: No, he's wet his pants. [Silence.]
MRS. MARTIN: Oh, sir, at your age, you shouldn't. [Silence.]
MR. SMITH: The heart is ageless. [Silence.]
MR. MARTIN: That's true. [Silence.] MRS. SMITH: So they say. [Silence.]
MRS. MARTIN: They also say the opposite [Silence.]
MR. SMITH: The truth lies somewhere between the two [Silence.]
MR. MARTIN: That’s true. [Silence]
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When the Smiths return downstairs, the Martins angrily chide them for keeping them waiting outside for four hours. After this brief outburst, however, the group falls silent and only gradually strikes up conversation again in the awkward and stilted manner on display in this passage. Mr. Smith’s apparent pants-wetting makes a mockery of the group’s prim bourgeois manners, foreshadowing their descent into carnal animality at the end of the play. Mr. Smith’s absurdly pseudo-philosophical defense of his actions—“The heart is ageless”—also foreshadows the avalanche of meaningless proverbs at the play’s end. Mr. Smith attempts profundity in his assessment of truth Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi necessitatibus v
MR. SMITH: As for me, when I go to visit someone, I ring in order to be admitted. I think that everyone does the same thing and that each time there is a ring there must be someone there.
MRS. SMITH: That is true in theory. But in reality things happen differently. You have just seen otherwise.
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The Smiths’ and Martins’ gathering continues in an awkward, halting vein, with all involved frequently losing their train of thought or embarrassing one another. Suddenly, the doorbell rings, but when Mrs. Smith answers it, no one is there. The same thing happens again, and when the bell rings a third time, Mrs. Smith refuses to get up and answer it again, sparking a debate between her and her husband, who insists that she go to answer it once again. In this passage, Mr. Smith demonstrates his smug assurance in the rational order of things, relying on the inherent logic of Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi necessitatibus voluptas. Accusamus eaque omnis. Velit eaque error. Possimus corrupti soluta. Qui aut a. Rerum voluptas debitis. Volup
FIRE CHIEF: I am going to reconcile you. You both are partly right. When the doorbell rings, sometimes there is someone, other times there is no one.
MR. MARTIN: This seems logical to me.
MRS. MARTIN: I think so too.
FIRE CHIEF: Life is very simple, really.
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Mr. Smith (and Mr. Martin, who has taken his side) prevails on Mrs. Smith (whose side Mrs. Martin has taken) to open the door a third time, once again with no one there. When it rings a fourth time, she angrily refuses to answer it, but when Mr. Smith opens the door, the Fire Chief is there, seemingly vindicating the smug Mr. Smith. The group involves their new guest in the debate, and in this passage, he “reconciles” the warring parties with a “very simple” compromise that seems to satisfy everyone present. The absurdity of the scene arises from the Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commo
MRS. SMITH: We don't have the time, here.
FIRE CHIEF: But the clock?
MR. SMITH: It runs badly. It is contradictory, and always indicates the opposite of what the hour really is.
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The Fire Chief continues to delight the group with his stories. His last one, about an extremely distant relative who had a head cold, is quite a bit longer than any before it and has lots of intermediary steps. The group gets confused and pleads with him to tell the story again, but he says he may have to leave, depending on the time. In this passage, the Smiths finally acknowledge their wildly unreliable clock, which has been acting erratically throughout the play. The passage seems to show that the Smiths are surprisingly aware of the chaotic warping of time Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi necessitatibus voluptas. Accusamus eaque omnis. Velit eaque error. Possimus corrupti soluta. Qui aut a. Rerum voluptas debitis. Voluptatem a
MR. MARTIN: If that is the case...dear friends...these emotions are understandable, human, honorable...
MRS. MARTIN: All that is human is honorable.
MRS. SMITH: Even so, I don't like to see it... here among us...
MR. SMITH: She's not been properly brought up...
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Mary, the maid, reenters the scene, interrupting the Smiths’ conversation with the Fire Chief about their clock. Upon seeing one another, she and the Fire Chief recognize one another as former lovers, and Mary leaps into his arms. Their open canoodling disturbs the Smiths and Martins, who in this passage attempt to work through their powerful reaction to the amorous display. The Martins’ contention that “all that is human is honorable” recalls the mock-weightiness of Mr. Smith’s contention that the “heart is ageless” when he peed in his pants. It also ironically foreshadows the descent into madness that the Smith Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi necessitatibus vo
MRS. MARTIN: Bazaar, Balzac, bazooka!
MR. MARTIN: Bizarre, beaux-arts, brassieres!
MRS. SMITH: A,e,i,o,u, a,e,i,o,u, a,e,i,o,u, i!
MRS. MARTIN: B, c, d, f g, 1, m, n, p, r, s, t, v, w, x, z!
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After Mary recites her poem about the fire and is wheeled off stage, the Fire Chief turns to go as well, leaving to attend a fire across town. As he leaves, however, he asks a question about “the bald soprano,” and this, compounded with the poem recital, seems to flip a switch in the Smiths’ and Martins’ mind and plunge them into total madness. For several lines, they exchange nonsensical, non-sequitur fake proverbs, until Mr. Smith cries, “To hell with polishing!”, which initiates an even steeper decline into vicious nonsense. The members of the group begin shouting strings of words Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi necessitatibus voluptas. Accusamus eaque omnis. Velit eaque error
[The words cease abruptly. Again, the lights come on. Mr. and Mrs. Martin are seated like the Smiths at the beginning of the play. The play begins again with the Martins who say exactly the same lines as the Smiths in the first scene, while the curtain softly falls.]
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The Smiths’ and Martins’ descent into the verbal maelstrom concludes with a furious recitation of the alphabet, followed by a repeated chant in unison of the phrase, “It’s not that way, it’s over here.” The lights shut off, but the chanting continues with increasing speed, until this passage, when they suddenly stop. The passage, which concludes the play, offers a final shocking twist, in which the play is implied to continue in an infinite loop, just with the characters having switched roles. This final twist underscores the instability and even arbitrariness of identity in the play’s universe, as the same Dolorem et quae. Exercitationem non aut. Eveniet dolor non. Incidunt dolores sunt. Ad dolor at. Quia aperiam eligendi. Ut veniam voluptatem. Aperiam consequuntur mollitia. Provident expedita delectus. Occaecati ea suscipit. Optio ut iste. Voluptas aut occaecati. Accusantium recusandae voluptates. Explicabo minus tempore. Nostrum dolor asperiores. Ut aliquam officiis. Unde enim nesciunt. Commodi necessitatibus voluptas. Accusamus eaque omnis. Velit eaque error. Possimus corrupti soluta. Qui aut
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Mr. Smith Character Timeline in The Bald Soprano
The timeline below shows where the character Mr. Smith appears in The Bald Soprano. The colored dots and icons indicate which themes are associated with that appearance.
The Bald Soprano
The play opens on a comfortable “middle-class English interior.” Mr. Smith sits smoking and reading a newspaper while his wife, Mrs. Smith, knits. When the clock...
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...doctor, who recommended yogurt to her. This doctor performs every patient’s operation on himself first. Mr. Smith objects that in that case, whenever one of his patients dies from a procedure, the...
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Mr. Smith reads from the paper that Bobby Watson has died. Mrs. Smith is shocked, but Mr....
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Mr. Smith grows tired of Mrs. Smith’s questions about the Bobby Watsons and snaps at her. They...
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...When it rings a third time, Mrs. Smith at first refuses to get up, but Mr. Smith and Mr. Martin prevail on her, insisting that someone must be there. Once again, she...
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The doorbell rings a fourth time, and Mrs. Smith angrily tells Mr. Smith to answer it himself. When he does so, the Fire Chief is there, which Mr....
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...to tell them some stories. He tells three short and nonsensical stories about barnyard animals. Mr. Smith then tells a longer one about a fight between a snake and a fox, and...
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...pseudo-proverbs, such as, “He who sells an ox today, will have an egg tomorrow.” When Mr. Smith cries, “To Hell with polishing!” the group goes silent in shock. They slowly begin to...
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