Beautiful Boy

After high school, David attended the University of Arizona in Tucson. His roommate, Charles, was from Manhattan. Charles was wealthy, and both of his parents had died—possibly from drugs and alcohol or from suicide. Charles was impressive in his “worldliness,” telling stories about high school hijinks and sexual exploits. He also drank and used drugs abundantly. David would often join in those escapades, variously consuming mushrooms, psychedelics, marijuana, Quaaludes, whiskey, cocaine, and “random uppers and downers.”

David recalls several drug-fueled incidents with Charles: tripping in the desert in Tucson; setting out to watch the sunrise over the ocean in San Diego (only to realize, hours after it had risen, that they were facing the wrong way); skydiving while high and narrowly avoiding disaster when David’s parachute didn’t open (though, thankfully, his reserve chute did). David relays that such stories about intoxicated exploits are dangerous, because they highlight adventure and escape while omitting the trauma and casualties.

One night, after Charles returned from a two-day high, David became worried after he had been in the bathroom for a long time. David broke into the bathroom to find that Charles had fainted and cracked his skull on the floor. Later in the year, David visited the University of California at Berkeley and decided to transfer. He wanted to focus more on studies, but drugs were “plentiful” there too. He kept in touch with Charles, whose drinking and drug use continued to escalate.

After Nic’s summer in France, he begins his senior year in high school. Don has accepted a position at a different school, and so Nic quits the swimming and water polo teams, as well as the newspaper. He maintains good grades, but he cuts classes and comes home late. David and Karen grow more concerned, and the school counselor suggests they keep talking it out with him. Nic continues to hang out with boys who are stoners, but he maintains that he’s only using marijuana, an only occasionally. David’s advice and frustration go unheeded. Nic accuses David of being hypocritical, pointing out that David smoked a lot of pot. David tells Nic that he wishes he hadn’t.

In the late spring, Nic graduates from high school. During the summer, his behavior grows more erratic and moodier. David doesn’t know what else to do other than warn Nic, enforce curfews, deny him the car, and take him to a therapist. At one Wednesday night dinner with Nancy and Don, Nic rants incoherently at Nancy about the archaic nature of monogamy and how Dr. Seuss is a “genius.” The next morning, David realizes that Nic must have been high, though Nic denies it.

David doesn’t know what to do: Nic’s therapist advises that forbidding drugs will simply force Nic to hide his drug use further. Some friends say to kick Nic out, and others tell David to never let Nic out of his sight. David can’t fathom how he could do either one.

One weekend, just before Nic’s eighteenth birthday in July, Nic steals the car, cash, food, and a case of wine. He doesn’t call for two days, and David is panicked. Nic’s therapist says that he is simply “exercising his independence” and is trying to rebel; his rebellion is extreme because David gave him little to rebel against. David thinks that he has been too lenient with Nic, but he also wonders about other kids who had stricter or more lenient parents.

When Nic finally calls from Death Valley, David demands that he return home. He does so, and David grounds him. Nic shouts that David is always trying to control him, and repeating “fuck you” before storming off to his bedroom. David takes Nic to therapy, but Nic simply lashes out. David realizes, again, that Nic must have been high during the appointment. At a follow-up session, Nic is more civil and apologizes, promising that he will work hard in school and that he won’t blow the opportunity.

David doesn’t know how to make sense of Nic’s behavior, saying that it’s difficult to figure out what is happening when changes take place gradually. Two weeks later, Karen and the kids are planning to go to the beach. As they pack the car, two police officers pull up and get out of their cars. They head for Nic, handcuffing his wrists and putting him into a squad car before driving away. Jasper starts to wail inconsolably.