The Astonishing Color of After

In The Astonishing Color of After, Mom’s final desire for her family to “remember” is the driving force behind many of Leigh’s actions. Over time, Leigh learns that engaging with her own memories and those her parents concealed from her about her family history gives her a clearer sense of her own identity. Still reeling with grief in the aftermath of Mom’s recent suicide, Leigh is led to Taiwan by her mother…

From the very start of The Astonishing Color of After, Leigh insists that her mother is not dead, but has instead transformed into a large, red bird. The people she tells about this—namely Dad and Caro—assume that Leigh’s hallucinations of this bird are a manifestation of her extreme grief over Mom’s suicide. Though the novel never takes a definitive stance on whether the bird is real or only exists in Leigh’s mind…

Throughout The Astonishing Color of After, Leigh wrestles with feelings of grief and guilt over Mom’s death. On the day of Mom’s suicide, Leigh returns home from Axel’s house and realizes that she was kissing Axel in his basement at the exact moment Mom died by suicide. As a result, she blames herself for not being present to save her mother. This guilt is debilitating, and it also taints Leigh’s memory of…