Becoming

Motherhood becomes Michelle’s motivator. She becomes completely consumed by taking care of Malia, as does Barack. They are, she writes, “obsessive and a little boring.” Several months after Malia is born, she returns to work at her job part-time, finding a baby-sitter named Glorina Casabal. 

Michelle realizes quickly that a part-time job, as a scaled down version of a previously full-time job, is often a trap. She grapples with the same responsibilities, but has to fit them into a twenty-hour work week and with half the salary. She feels as if she is “only half doing everything,” not spending enough time at work nor enough time with Malia. Barack, on the other hand, hardly misses a stride. He is reelected to a four-year term in the state senate. He also decides to run for Congress.

At the end of 1999, when Malia is about eighteen months, Michelle and Barack plan to travel to Hawaii over Christmas. But politics intervene: the state senate is hung up on a vote on a major crime bill, and Barack says they have to delay their trip a few days. When they get to Hawaii, the legislature still hasn’t found a resolution on the bill. But Michelle and Barack spend a nice Christmas with his grandmother.

A few days before the new year, Barack gets a call, saying that the senate is abruptly going back into session to finish work on the bill. Barack leaps into action, knowing that the vote is an important one, and Michelle understands that they have to go back. But then, overnight, Malia spikes a high fever, and Michelle knows that she can’t fly. After discussing different options, Barack calls his legislative aide and explains that he will miss the vote on the bill.

Malia gets better after a few days’ rest and some antibiotics, but Barack’s campaign takes a beating for his absence (even though the vote was lost by five). Michelle notes that, although the news mentions Barack’s vacation in Hawaii, no one mentions that he’s from Hawaii, that he was visiting his grandmother, or that his daughter had fallen ill. Michelle is shocked by people’s easy questioning of his character.

Michelle is also surprised to see opponents try to target Barack by drumming up fear and mistrust amongst African American voters. One opponent calls Barack “the white man in blackface in our community”—arguing, in essence, that he is not part of the community. They call him elitist, which bothers Michelle because he exemplifies everything that parents on the South Side say they want for their kids. Barack takes it all in stride, but ends up losing the Democratic primary.

In 2001, Sasha is born, also as a result of IVF. Michelle’s hope for her two daughters is to grow up “bright and energetic, optimistic like their father and hard-driving like their mom.” After Sasha is born, Michelle debates whether to return to her job, or if it might be easier on the family’s finances, and on her stress level, if she simply stayed home.

But then, Michelle gets a call—the president of the University of Chicago Medical Center is looking for an executive director for community affairs. Michelle knows it’s a great opportunity, but she had just talked herself into the idea that everyone is better off with her at home. Michelle relies on a set of friendships that she has made—professional women who juggle motherhood and work in many different ways. From seeing their various parenting methods, she sees that there is “no formula for motherhood.” She decides to interview for the hospital job.

Michelle goes to the interview with her goals in sight: a full time job and a competitive salary to be able to afford child care. And time with her daughters, which she emphasizes by bringing Sasha with her to the interview. The hospital president, Michael Riordan, seems to understand, and he offers her the job.

Life continues with a new rhythm: two kids, three jobs (Barack is teaching as well as legislating), two cars, one condo, and no free time. George W. Bush is president, and the country has just endured the tragedy of 9/11. At some point, Barack raises the idea of running for the Senate to Michelle. Michelle isn’t particularly pleased with this idea, as his schedule has been starting to grate on her.

Michelle becomes officially frustrated with Barack’s regularly arriving home so late, when Sasha and Malia’s eyes are already drooping, and with waiting alone for dinner. She is let down by the fact that Barack is always overly optimistic about the time he’ll be home. At home, their frustrations grow intensely, like a “knot [they] couldn’t loosen.”

Michelle suggests couple’s counseling, and Barack agrees to go despite some hesitation. Counseling helps Michelle realize that there are ways she can be happier that don’t rely on Barack quitting politics, like making time for herself to exercise and not spending energy stewing over whether Barack will make it home for dinner. As for dinner, it would be at 6:30pm every night, with baths at 7:00pm and then reading, with lights out at 8:00pm. This puts the weight of responsibility on Barack to make it home—it’s now his job to catch up with the girls.