The Feminine Mystique

Suburban housewives in the 1950s and early-1960s each struggled alone with the problem that has no name. It was a feeling of dissatisfaction, of wondering, while she made the beds and packed her children’s lunches, if this was all she would ever do with her life.

Both the voices of tradition and of “Freudian sophistication” told women that they should “glory” in their femininity by focusing on marriage, rearing children, learning how to buy the best appliances, cooking gourmet meals, ensuring that their husbands lived long lives, and making sure their sons stayed out of trouble.

Truly “feminine” women pitied career women and devoted their ambitions to finding husbands instead. By the end of the 1950s, “the average marriage age” had dropped to 20. Some girls were getting married in high school and some young women still in college were having babies, starting families that would have four, five, or six children.

Many women never left their homes, except to shop, take their children places, or attend an event with their husbands. Some held part-time jobs as sales clerks or secretaries, but usually only to help with household expenses, or to support their husbands or sons who were pursuing higher education.

The image of the suburban housewife was part of the American Dream. The culture had convinced women that consumerism—the right to choose cars, appliances, and supermarkets—made them equal to their husbands. The housewife’s only concern was to have the perfect home. She had little concern for what went on outside of it. On census reports, these women designated “housewife” as their occupation.

Women who reported dissatisfaction believed that something must have been wrong with their marriages or with themselves. They did not understand their problem, which had nothing to do with sex, and classified themselves as “neurotic”—others denied that any problem existed at all.

Friedan talked to women all over the country who reported similar feelings of dissatisfaction. The problem that had no name was a feeling of emptiness that women tried to numb by taking tranquilizers, redecorating the house, moving to another house, having an affair, or having another baby.

News media that explored the problem attributed it to superficial causes, such as “incompetent appliance repairmen.” Most others blamed education which they believed had failed to prepare women for their roles as housewives. Some advocated eliminating four-year education for women altogether, while others suggested preparing for domestic work with high school workshops on household appliances.

The problem that has no name was dismissed by some who argued that housewives had an advantage in not having to go to work. Others said that their condition was simply an aspect of being a woman. Still others thought that these women were more advantaged than previous generations due to their ability to take part in their husbands’ lives, such as accompanying them on their business trips.

According to some psychiatrists, unmarried women patients were happier than married ones. However, single, divorced, and widowed women were “frenzied” in “their desperate search for a man.” They joined political clubs, learned to play golf, and partook in other activities that they believed usually attracted men, all with the aim of meeting one.

Friedan does not accept the notion that American women in the 1950s should have been happier because they had more material advantages than their predecessors. On the contrary, buying more things could only make them feel worse. Women with the problem that has no name spent their lives in pursuit of the feminine mystique. The older ones, in their forties and fifties, had other dreams, which they gave up. The young ones in their twenties never had any other dream.

Being housewives had made American women’s lives frantic. They spent all day doing chores or performing services for their families. They reported feeling “trapped,” waiting at home all day for their husbands to come home and hoping that, at night, they would feel “alive” through sex. In addition to seeking fulfillment through their husbands, they also sought it, through her children, whose lives they micromanaged.

Doctors in the 1950s reported patients with “housewife’s fatigue.” These very tired women slept “as much as ten hours a day” and many took tranquilizers regularly.

Having interviewed many women who were listening to their inner voices, Friedan believes that they were realizing a truth that had eluded experts, such as educators and psychiatrists. Friedan notes that her discoveries present challenges to widely-accepted standards in feminine normality, adjustment, fulfillment, and maturity—standards according to which many women are still trying to live. Beginning to understand the problem that has no name is “far more important than anyone recognizes,” and “may well be the key to our future as a nation and a culture.”