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As You Like It

As You Like It Translation Act 4, Scene 1

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Enter ROSALIND, CELIA, and JAQUES

JAQUES

I prithee, pretty youth, let me be better acquainted with thee.

JAQUES

Please, clever youth, let me get to know you better.

ROSALIND

They say you are a melancholy fellow.

ROSALIND

They say you are a melancholy fellow

JAQUES

I am so. I do love it better than laughing.

JAQUES

I am indeed. I like it better than laughing

ROSALIND

Those that are in extremity of either are abominable fellows and betray themselves to every modern censure worse than drunkards.

ROSALIND

Those who go to extremes of melancholy or laughter are abominable, and open themselves up to common criticism in an even worse way than drunkards do.

JAQUES

Why, ’tis good to be sad and say nothing.

JAQUES

Well, it's good to be sad and say nothing.

ROSALIND

Why then, ’tis good to be a post.

ROSALIND

Well then, it's good to be a post.

JAQUES

I have neither the scholar’s melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician’s, which is fantastical; northe courtier’s, which is proud; nor the soldier’s, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer’s, which is politic; nor the lady’s, which is nice; nor the lover’s, which isall these, but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness.

JAQUES

My melancholy is not like the scholar's, which is envy; nor the musician's, which is absurdly elaborate; nor the courtier's, which is proud; nor the soldier's, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is sneaky; nor the lady's, which is petty; nor the lover's, which combines all these qualities. Mine is a melancholy of my own, a compound of many ingredients, extracted from many objects. When I contemplate my travels, my thoughts wrap me up in a moody sadness.

ROSALIND

A traveler. By my faith, you have great reason to be sad. I fear you have sold your own lands to see other men’s. Then to have seen much and to have nothing is to have rich eyes and poor hands.

ROSALIND

So you are a traveler. Well then, you truly have good reason to be sad. I'm afraid you have sold your own lands to see the lands of others. To have seen much but have nothing is to have rich eyes and poor hands.

JAQUES

Yes, I have gained my experience.

JAQUES

I have something—I have gained my experience.

ROSALIND

And your experience makes you sad. I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad—andto travel for it, too.

ROSALIND

And your experience makes you sad. I would rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad—and you've had to travel to get that sadness, too.

Enter ORLANDO

ORLANDO

Good day and happiness, dear Rosalind.

ORLANDO

Good day and happiness to you, dear Rosalind.

JAQUES

Nay then, God be wi' you, an you talk in blank verse.

JAQUES

Now then, goodbye to you if you're going to speak in blank verse.

ROSALIND

Farewell, Monsieur Traveler. Look you lisp and wear strange suits, disable all the benefits of your own country, be out of love with your nativity, and almost chide God for making you that countenance you are, or I will scarce think you have swam in a gondola.

ROSALIND

Goodbye, Mister Traveler. Be sure to keep up your foreign accent and wear strange clothes, downplay everything good about your own country, fall out of love with your birthplace, and almost scold God for giving you the appearance that you have. Otherwise I'll hardly believe you've been to Venice and ridden in a gondola.

Exit JAQUES

[as Ganymede pretending to be ROSALIND] Why, how now, Orlando, where have you been all this while? You a lover? An you serve me such another trick, never come inmy sight more.

Well, what's going on, Orlando? Where have you been all this time? You consider yourself a lover? If you pull another trick like that on me, never appear in my sight again.

ORLANDO

My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.

ORLANDO

My beautiful Rosalind, I've arrived within an hour of when I promised I would.

ROSALIND

Break an hour’s promise in love? He that will divide a minute into a thousand parts and break but a part of thethousand part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapped him o' th' shoulder, but I’ll warrant him heart-whole.

ROSALIND

You would break a promise made in love by a whole hour? You could say that Cupid had nudged a man who would be even a thousandth part of a minute late to meet his belovedbut his heart would still be in one piece. He would have some affection, but I'd bet he wouldn't be in love.

ORLANDO

Pardon me, dear Rosalind.

ORLANDO

Forgive me, dear Rosalind.

ROSALIND

Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight. I had as lief be wooed of a snail.

ROSALIND

No, if you're so late again, don't bother coming. I would rather be wooed by a snail.

ORLANDO

Of a snail?

ORLANDO

By a snail?

ROSALIND

Ay, of a snail, for though he comes slowly, he carries his house on his head—a better jointure, I think, than you make a woman. Besides, he brings his destiny with him.

ROSALIND

Yes, a snail, for even though he comes slowly, he carries his whole house on his head—a better marriage settlement than you can offer a woman, I think. Besides, he brings his destiny along with him.

ORLANDO

What’s that?

ORLANDO

What destiny is that?

ROSALIND

Why, horns, which such as you are fain to be beholding to your wives for. But he comes armed in his fortune andprevents the slander of his wife.

ROSALIND

Why, his cuckold's horns—the kind you men are always blaming your wives for. The snail comes already armed with horns, so he preempts any slander about his wife's faithfulness.

ORLANDO

Virtue is no hornmaker, and my Rosalind is virtuous.

ORLANDO

A virtuous woman won't give a man horns, and my Rosalind is virtuous.

ROSALIND

And I am your Rosalind.

ROSALIND

And I am your Rosalind.

CELIA

[as Aliena] It pleases him to call you so, but he hath aRosalind of a better leer than you.

CELIA

It pleases him to call you that, but he has another Rosalind somewhere with a prettier face than yours.

ROSALIND

Come, woo me, woo me, for now I am in a holiday humor, and like enough to consent. What would you say to me now, an I were your very, very Rosalind?

ROSALIND

Come on, woo me, woo me, for I'm in a good mood now, and likely enough to consent to what you want. What would you say to me now, if I really were your very precious Rosalind?

ORLANDO

I would kiss before I spoke.

ORLANDO

I would kiss before I spoke.

ROSALIND

Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were graveled for lack of matter, you might take occasion to kiss. Very good orators, when they are out, they will spit; and for lovers lacking—God warn us—matter, the cleanliest shift is to kiss.

ROSALIND

No, you would do better to speak first, and then kiss only when you ran out of things to discuss. When very good orators are out of things to say, they spit; and for lovers lacking words—God help us when that happens—the cleverest strategy is to kiss.

ORLANDO

How if the kiss be denied?

ORLANDO

But what if my kiss is denied?

ROSALIND

Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new matter.

ROSALIND

Then she's making you beg, and that gives you a new subject to discuss.

ORLANDO

Who could be out, being before his beloved mistress?

ORLANDO

Who could be out of things to say, if he's with his beloved mistress?

ROSALIND

Marry, that should you if I were your mistress, or I should think my honesty ranker than my wit.

ROSALIND

Well, you would be if I were your mistress, or else I would think my chastity was less pure than my wit.

ORLANDO

What, of my suit?

ORLANDO

What, would I have to give up my suit?

ROSALIND

Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit. Am not I your Rosalind?

ROSALIND

Not out of your clothes, but out of your suit. But aren't I your Rosalind?

ORLANDO

I take some joy to say you are because I would be talking of her.

ORLANDO

It makes me happy to pretend that you are, because then it's like I'm talking to her.

ROSALIND

Well, in her person I say I will not have you.

ROSALIND

Well, as Rosalind, I say I don't want you.

ORLANDO

Then, in mine own person I die.

ORLANDO

Then, as myself, I will die.

ROSALIND

No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there was not any man died in his own person, videlicet, in a lovecause. Troilus had his brains dashed out with a Grecianclub, yet he did what he could to die before, and he isone of the patterns of love. Leander, he would have lived many a fair year though Hero had turned nun if it had not been for a hot midsummer night, for, good youth,he went but forth to wash him in the Hellespont and, being taken with the cramp, was drowned; and the foolishchroniclers of that age found it was Hero of Sestos. But these are all lies. Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.

ROSALIND

No, you won't really die as yourself, but only by proxy. This poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there hasn't been even a single man who died only from love. Troilus wanted to die for love, but he actually died because a Greek with a club beat his brains out. And yet now he's one of the great examples of tragic love. Leander would have lived for many more years—even if his beloved Hero had left him and become a nun—if it hadn't been for one hot summer night, when the poor youth went to wash himself in the Hellespont, got a cramp, and drowned. But the foolish poets of that age said he died from love of Hero, not from drowning. All such stories are lies. Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but none have died because of love.

ORLANDO

I would not have my right Rosalind of this mind, for I protest her frown might kill me.

ORLANDO

I hope the real Rosalind doesn't think this way, for her frown alone might kill me.

ROSALIND

By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But come; now I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition, and ask me what you will, I will grant it.

ROSALIND

I swear, her frown couldn't kill a fly. But come on. Now I'll play your Rosalind in a more yielding mood, and whatever you ask of me, I'll give.

ORLANDO

Then love me, Rosalind.

ORLANDO

Then love me, Rosalind.

ROSALIND

Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays and all.

ROSALIND

Very well, I will, on Fridays and Saturdays, and all the rest.

ORLANDO

And wilt thou have me?

ORLANDO

And will you have me?

ROSALIND

Ay, and twenty such.

ROSALIND

Yes, and twenty more like you.

ORLANDO

What sayest thou?

ORLANDO

What do you mean?

ROSALIND

Are you not good?

ROSALIND

Aren't you a good man?

ORLANDO

I hope so.

ORLANDO

I hope so.

ROSALIND

Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?— Come, sister, you shall be the priest and marry us.—Giveme your hand, Orlando.—What do you say, sister?

ROSALIND

Why then, can you ever have too much of a good thing?

[To CELIA] Come, sister, you will be the priest and marry us. 

[To ORLANDO] Give me your hand, Orlando.

[To CELIA] What do you say, sister?

ORLANDO

Pray thee, marry us.

ORLANDO

Please, marry us.

CELIA

I cannot say the words.

CELIA

I'm not a priest—I cannot say the words.

ROSALIND

You must begin “Will you, Orlando—”

ROSALIND

You should begin "Do you, Orlando—"

CELIA

Go to.—Will you, Orlando, have to wife this Rosalind?

CELIA

Oh, fine. 

[To ORLANDO] Do you, Orlando, take Rosalind as your wife?

ORLANDO

I will.

ORLANDO

I do.

ROSALIND

Ay, but when?

ROSALIND

All right, but when?

ORLANDO

Why, now, as fast as she can marry us.

ORLANDO

Why, now, as fast as she can get us married.

ROSALIND

Then you must say “I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.”

ROSALIND

Then you must say, "I take you, Rosalind, as my wife."

ORLANDO

I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.

ORLANDO

I take you, Rosalind, as my wife.

ROSALIND

I might ask you for your commission, but I do take thee, Orlando, for my husband. There’s a girl goes before the priest, and certainly a woman’s thought runs before her actions.

ROSALIND

I might ask you by what authority, but I'll go ahead and take you, Orlando, as my husband. Now I've anticipated the priest and answered the question before I was even asked. A woman's thoughts run ahead of her actions.

ORLANDO

So do all thoughts. They are winged.

ORLANDO

So do all thoughts. They have wings.

ROSALIND

Now tell me how long you would have her after you have possessed her.

ROSALIND

Now tell me how long you intend to keep Rosalind now that you have her.

ORLANDO

Forever and a day.

ORLANDO

Forever and a day.

ROSALIND

Say “a day” without the “ever.” No, no, Orlando, men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will be more jealous of thee than a Barbary cock- pigeon over his hen, more clamorous than aparrot against rain, more newfangled than an ape, more giddy in my desires than a monkey. I will weep for nothing, like Diana in the fountain, and I will do that when you are disposed to be merry. I will laugh like a hyena, and that when thou art inclined to sleep.

ROSALIND

I think it will be more like "a day" without the "forever." No, Orlando, men are like April when they're wooing—warm and pleasant—but like December—cold and harsh—once they've married. In the same way, women are like springtime when they're single, but the climate changes when they become wives. As a wife I'll be more jealous of you than a wild rooster is of his hen, noisier than a parrot scolding the rain, shallower than an ape, and more fickle in my desires than a monkey. I'll weep over nothing—like a statue of Diana in a fountain—and I'll cry even harder when you're in a good mood. And when you're trying to go to sleep, I'll laugh like a hyena.

ORLANDO

But will my Rosalind do so?

ORLANDO

But will my Rosalind do all this too?

ROSALIND

By my life, she will do as I do.

ROSALIND

I swear on my life, she'll act just like me.

ORLANDO

Oh, but she is wise.

ORLANDO

Oh, but she is wise.

ROSALIND

Or else she could not have the wit to do this. The wiser, the waywarder. Make the doors upon a woman’s wit,and it will out at the casement. Shut that, and ’twill out at the keyhole. Stop that, ’twill fly with the smokeout at the chimney.

ROSALIND

If she wasn't wise, she wouldn't have the wits to act so badly. The wiser the woman, the more wayward she is. Lock the doors on a woman's wit, and it will fly out the window. Shut the windows, and it will escape through the keyhole. Stop up the keyhole, and it will fly out the chimney with the smoke.

ORLANDO

A man that had a wife with such a wit, he might say “Wit, whither wilt?”

ORLANDO

If a man had a wife like that, he might ask, "Where are you off to, wit?"

ROSALIND

Nay, you might keep that check for it, till you met your wife’s wit going to your neighbor’s bed.

ROSALIND

No, you had better save that question until you find your wife's wit in your neighbor's bed.

ORLANDO

And what wit could wit have to excuse that?

ORLANDO

And what witty woman could have the wit to excuse that?

ROSALIND

Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You shall never take her without her answer unless you take her without her tongue. Oh, that woman that cannot make her fault her husband’s occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed it like a fool.

ROSALIND

Well, she could say she was at the neighbor's looking for you. You'll never find her without an answer unless you find her without a tongue. Oh, if a woman can't find a way to blame her husband for her own faults, then she's not very smart—never let her have a child, for she will raise it to be a fool.

ORLANDO

For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee.

ORLANDO

Rosalind, I have to leave you for two hours now.

ROSALIND

Alas, dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours.

ROSALIND

Alas, dear love, I can't live without you for two hours.

ORLANDO

I must attend the duke at dinner. By two o'clock I willbe with thee again.

ORLANDO

I must attend to the duke at his lunch. By two o'clock I'll be back with you again.

ROSALIND

Ay, go your ways, go your ways. I knew what you would prove. My friends told me as much, and I thought no less. That flattering tongue of yours won me. 'Tis but one cast away, and so, come, death. Two o'clock is your hour?

ROSALIND

Yes, go on, go on. I knew you would end up like this. My friends warned me, and I knew it, too. But I was won over by that flattering tongue of yours. I'm just one more seduced and abandoned woman, so come, take me, death! You'll return at two o'clock?

ORLANDO

Ay, sweet Rosalind.

ORLANDO

Yes, sweet Rosalind.

ROSALIND

By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot of your promise or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you the most pathetical break-promise and the most hollow lover and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind that may be chosen outof the gross band of the unfaithful. Therefore beware my censure, and keep your promise.

ROSALIND

I swear honestly, truly, by God, and by all the flowery oaths that aren't actually dangerous, that if you break even the tiniest part of your promise or come even a minute after two o'clock, I will think you the most pitiful promise-breaker, the falsest lover, and the most unworthy match for Rosalind out of every man on earth. So beware of my disapproval, and keep your promise.

ORLANDO

With no less religion than if thou wert indeed my Rosalind.So, adieu.

ORLANDO

I'll keep my word just as faithfully as if you really were my Rosalind. So, goodbye.

ROSALIND

Well, time is the old justice that examines all such offenders, and let time try. Adieu.

ROSALIND

Well, time is the old judge who examines men like you, so only time will tell what kind of man you are. Goodbye.

Exit ORLANDO

CELIA

You have simply misused our sex in your love-prate. We must have your doublet and hose plucked over your head and show the world what the bird hath done to her own nest.

CELIA

You have totally slandered our sex in this love-talk of yours. We should pull off your man's jacket and breeches and show the world the bird who has attacked her own nest—the woman who maligns her fellow women.

ROSALIND

O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that thou didstknow how many fathom deep I am in love. But it cannot be sounded; my affection hath an unknown bottom, like the Bay of Portugal.

ROSALIND

Oh, cousin, cousin, cousin, my pretty little cousin, if only you could know how deeply I am in love. The depths of my love can't be plumbed; my affection has a bottom of unknown depth, like the Bay of Portugal.

CELIA

Or rather bottomless, that as fast as you pour affection in, it runs out.

CELIA

Or rather it's bottomless, so that as quickly as you pour affection in one end, it runs out the other.

ROSALIND

No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was begot ofthought, conceived of spleen, and born of madness, thatblind rascally boy that abuses everyone’s eyes because his own are out, let him be judge how deep I am in love. I’ll tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out of the sight ofOrlando. I’ll go find a shadow and sigh till he come.

ROSALIND

No. Cupid—that wicked bastard son of Venus, conceived from imagination and impulse and born of insanity; that blind naughty boy who makes everyone else go blind just because he can't see—let him judge how deeply I am in love. I tell you, Aliena, I can't live without Orlando. I'll go find some shade and sigh until he comes back.

CELIA

And I’ll sleep.

CELIA

And I'll sleep.

Exeunt

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Matt cosby
About the Translator: Matt Cosby
Matt Cosby graduated from Amherst College in 2011, and currently works as a writer and editor for LitCharts. He is from Florida but now lives in Portland, Oregon, where he also makes art, plays the piano, and goes to dog parks.