The Desert Symbol Analysis

In her diary, Sarah makes numerous allusions to a desert that she and Bendrix are wandering through after she leaves him. This desert represents a life without love, particularly the love they shared together during their affair. In her diary, Sarah describes them wandering through a desert looking for watering holes, meaning that they are looking for some kind of love that resembles the love they once shared. Sarah’s greatest fear is that they will spend the rest of their lives in this barren, loveless desert because of the vow she made to God—years ago, after finding Bendrix seemingly dead and trapped under a door after an air raid, Sarah had prayed to God that if he would save Bendrix’s life, she would cut off their affair. Sarah also asks in her diary, “If one could believe in God, would he fill the desert?” This shows her growing belief that the only source of relief left to her is in God’s love, which might be an acceptable replacement for Bendrix’s. Sarah also notes that “In the desert there’s no time,” which means the negative experience of being alone in the desert transcends any concept of past, present, or future; there is only a seemingly endless feeling of loss, isolation, and despair as one wanders alone. Sarah also notes that “the desert is full of churches and public houses,” both of which are places people typically go to try and drown their sorrow (through drinking in public houses) and find love (such as when Sarah begins spending time in church trying to find relief in God’s love as a replacement for Bendrix’s)—even if the relief and experience of love found there is momentary and fleeting. As she wavers between her newfound belief in God and her “corrupt human love” for Bendrix, Sarah considers an alternative route out of the desert: call Bendrix and start their affair over again. However, because of her commitment to keeping her vow to God, Sarah doesn’t do this, condemning both herself and Bendrix to dwell alone in the desert forever.