Reckoning

Magda doesn’t ask for sympathy for being famous, but she struggles with fame’s rollercoaster of exhilaration and self-doubt. Although she hates celebrity, Magda agrees to an interview with a women’s magazine. Magda arrives sick and hungover to the interview, and clams up. Exasperated with her silence, the interviewer asks about the rumors circulating that Magda is a homosexual. Magda, overcome by a sense of calm, insists that she does not care what people say about her. When the interviewer questions her resolve, Magda ends the interview.

At home after the interview, Magda bangs her head into the wall, calling herself a “fucking idiot.” Magda calls Chris and asks him if he will accompany her when she comes out to her parents. Remembering how a friend’s coming out to their parents turned into an argument, Magda is determined to give her parents space to come to terms with her sexuality. Magda’s parents often make homophobic comments, but she is not sure how deep their prejudice goes.

During a time when electro-shock therapy for homosexuals is not far in the past, gay people are often harassed and marginalized in their careers. They are seen as predators, polygamists, and child abusers. Movies and books paint them as psychotic, often killing them off. Unable to dream of a life full of love, gay people often succumb to self-contempt. Many, worried that their families will reject them, never come out; this inability to open up to the people one loves, Magda explains, “corrodes the soul.” Where other minority groups have solidarity with their families, LGBTQ members are minorities within their families; they live in fear that their parents’ love could suddenly to turn to hate.

One Sunday, Magda and Chris go to Margaret and Peter’s house; they sit in silence while Margaret and Peter watch TV. After a long time battling with her fear of coming out, Magda asks her parents to turn off the TV; when they comply, Magda says that she wants to talk about her sexuality. Not wanting to say “gay” or “lesbian,” she says that she is not straight.

After rocking in their recliners for a while, Margaret and Peter say that Magda’s sexuality changes nothing: they still love her. When Margaret asks why Magda is gay, Magda says that no one knows why some people are gay, although some think it might be genetic. After Margaret and Peter argue over whose side of the family Magda’s sexuality comes from, Margaret asks Magda if she is sure. Chris pipes up that Magda is 32 and knows who she is. When Peter admits that he is disappointed, explaining that he wanted grandkids, Magda is hurt. However, the visit ends with both parents hugging Magda, crying, and saying they love her.

 When Margaret calls a few days later and tearfully expresses her concern, Magda insists that the world is becoming more accepting of gay people. Margaret advises Magda to stay away from parties and to find a classy girlfriend. Magda is ashamed that she spent so long doubting her parents’ unconditional love for her.