Turtles All the Way Down

Aza addresses the reader and says she first realized she might be fictional when she was in high school. She considers that there are forces much larger than herself at work that decide when her lunch period is and considers that if those forces had assigned her a different schedule, her story would've turned out differently. However, it's at this point that Aza begins to realize that a person's life is a story told about the person, not something the person tells, try as a person might to be the author of his or her own story.

Aza describes sitting in the cafeteria and listening to the din of the many loud conversations going on around her. As she sits, she thinks that everyone thinks that they're all heroes in their own personal epics when in reality, they're all the same. She's eating a sandwich and tells the reader that she finds eating disgusting. She tries not to think about it. She's sitting with Mychal, an artistic friend, and Daisy, her best friend since elementary school. Aza shivers as she realizes she can hear the bacteria in her stomach digesting her sandwich.

Daisy interrupts Aza's reverie by asking if she went to camp with Davis Pickett. Aza assures Daisy she's been listening to the conversation, but instead thinks only about the sounds of the bacteria inside her. She explains that humans are made up of about 50% bacteria. Aza's palms start sweating. She tells the reader that she struggles with anxiety, but feels that being anxious about bacteria isn't at all irrational.

Mychal explains that Davis’s dad, Mr. Pickett, disappeared mysteriously the night before a police raid was planned to bring him in on charges of bribery. Daisy seems to want Aza to say something, but Aza can't figure out what because she's worried she has contracted a parasitic infection. Mychal goes on to tell Daisy about his new art project that uses Photoshop to average people's faces. Aza thinks his idea is interesting and wants to listen, but is too distracted by the sounds of her stomach.

Aza explains that excessive abdominal noise can be a symptom of an infection from the bacteria known as Clostridium difficile. She pulls out her phone and rereads the Wikipedia article about C. diff. Aza has no other symptoms, hasn't been hospitalized, and has no fever, but her "self" reminds her that she doesn't have a fever yet.

Aza only partially hears Daisy make some suggestions to Mychal about his art project. Aza wonders if "me" should still be considered a singular pronoun if half her cells aren't even her cells. She explains that as a kid, she began opening up a crack in her finger. The crack opens easily now and is always bandaged, but sometimes Aza worries she has an infection. When this worry starts, Aza splits the crack open, drains it, and re-bandages it. She begins this process at the cafeteria table as Daisy asks Aza if she's noticed her newly-pink hair. Aza manages to call Daisy's hair bold.

Daisy turns back to Mychal and Aza fears she's going to vomit. Daisy asks Aza if she's okay and Aza nods, though she begins to sweat. She puts a new Band-Aid on her finger and practices her breathing exercises her therapist, Dr. Singh, taught her to calm herself down. Aza checks the "Human Microbiota" Wikipedia article again, though she knows Dr. Singh would tell her not to. She tells the reader that spirals never end, they just keep tightening.

As Aza gets up to throw her sandwich away, Daisy asks Aza (calling her Holmesy, and refers to her by this nickname for much of the novel) if she's okay again. Aza only says "thought spiral" in reply. Daisy suggests they hang out later as a classmate informs her that her pink hair is also staining her shirt pink. Daisy brushes off the classmate and tells Aza that they'll watch a Star Wars movie before she has to go to work. Aza agrees but can't think of much else to say as she continues to spiral anxiously. She thinks that she remembers being at camp with Davis. The two of them didn't talk much, but they looked at the sky together.