Turtles All the Way Down

by

John Green

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Aza Holmes Character Analysis

Aza is the sixteen-year-old protagonist of the novel. She has struggled for most of her life with anxiety and OCD. She spends much of her time wondering if she's real or not and as a child, developed a compulsion to test if she's real: she presses her thumbnail into the pad of her middle finger, opening up a cut that she believes proves her reality. However, she also fears bacteria, particularly C. diff. She has to compulsively re-open her finger wound, clean it, and re-bandage it several times per day to keep it clean and free from bacteria. Aza's fear of bacteria sends her into what she terms "thought spirals," in which her fearful thoughts take over her mind and send her into a panic. At these times, she doesn't feel as though she's in control of her own thoughts. Aza resists taking her medication regularly, as she doesn’t like the feeling that something else is determining who she is and how she behaves. Beginning a romantic relationship with Davis sends Aza's thought spirals into overdrive—particularly when they kiss, as Aza can't stop thinking about Davis' bacteria entering her body. These factors, coupled with her discovery of her best friend Daisy's insufferable fanfiction character Ayala, precipitate Aza's mental breakdown. After Aza is hospitalized following a car crash, Mom catches her drinking hand sanitizer. The confrontation finally enables Aza to admit that she is not well and needs help. In the weeks following the crash, Aza takes a new medication regularly and becomes more comfortable with the fact that her illness is always going to be a part of her. She realizes she's never going to be completely well, and that she will have to struggle to come to terms with being an “integrated plurality” rather than a singular “I.” At the end of the novel, the reader learns that the novel is the product of Aza’s third mental breakdown later in life, and that a psychiatrist told her to write her story down. The act of writing teaches Aza that she will go on, and that she is deserving of love.

Aza Holmes Quotes in Turtles All the Way Down

The Turtles All the Way Down quotes below are all either spoken by Aza Holmes or refer to Aza Holmes. For each quote, you can also see the other characters and themes related to it (each theme is indicated by its own dot and icon, like this one:
Identity, Selfhood, and Mental Illness Theme Icon
). Note: all page numbers and citation info for the quotes below refer to the Dutton Books edition of Turtles All the Way Down published in 2017.
Chapter 1 Quotes

... and meanwhile I was thinking that if half the cells inside of you are not you, doesn't that challenge the whole notion of me as a singular pronoun, let alone the author of my fate?

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Daisy, Mychal
Page Number: 5
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 3 Quotes

I've got a theory about uniforms. I think they design them so that you become, like, a nonperson, so that you're not Daisy Ramirez, a Human Being, but instead a thing that brings people pizza and exchanges their tickets for plastic dinosaurs. It's like the uniform is designed to hide me.

Related Characters: Daisy (speaker), Aza Holmes
Page Number: 20
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 5 Quotes

I have these thoughts that Dr. Karen Singh calls "intrusives," but the first time she said it, I heard "invasives," which I like better, because, like invasive weeds, these thoughts seem to arrive at my biosphere from some faraway land, and then they spread out of control.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Dr. Singh
Related Symbols: Circles and Spirals
Page Number: 45
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 6 Quotes

And he was obviously a person. Like, what even makes you a person? He had a body and a soul and feelings, and he spoke a language, and he was an adult, and if he and Rey were in hot, hairy, communicative love, then let's just thank God that two consenting, sentient adults found each other in a dark and broken galaxy.

Related Characters: Daisy (speaker), Aza Holmes
Page Number: 66
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 8 Quotes

I wanted to tell her that I was getting better, because that was supposed to be the narrative of illness: it was a hurdle you jumped over, or a battle you won. Illness is a story told in the past tense.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Dr. Singh
Page Number: 85
Explanation and Analysis:

You're right that self isn't simple, Aza. Maybe it's not even singular. Self is a plurality, but pluralities can also be integrated, right? Think of a rainbow. It's one arc of light, but also seven differently colored arcs of light.

Related Characters: Dr. Singh (speaker), Aza Holmes
Page Number: 87
Explanation and Analysis:

And we're such language-based creatures that to some extent we cannot know what we cannot name. And so we assume it isn't real.

Related Characters: Dr. Singh (speaker), Aza Holmes
Page Number: 89
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 9 Quotes

... now I was talking about parasite-infected bird feces, which was more or less the opposite of romance, but I couldn't stop myself, because I wanted him to understand that I felt like the fish, like my whole story was written by someone else.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Davis Pickett Jr.
Page Number: 106
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 11 Quotes

I'd probably killed myself with sepsis because of some stupid childhood ritual that didn't even prove what I wanted it to prove, because what I wanted to know was unknowable, because there was no way to be sure about anything.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Daisy
Page Number: 130
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 12 Quotes

"I know you think you're poor or whatever, but you know nothing about being actually poor."
"Okay, I'll shut up about it," I said.
"You're so stuck in your own head," she continued. "It's like you genuinely can't think about anyone else." I felt like I was getting smaller.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Daisy (speaker)
Page Number: 140
Explanation and Analysis:

He's, just... I guess at some point, you realize that whoever takes care of you is just a person, and that they have no superpowers and can't actually protect you from getting hurt. Which is one thing. But Noah is starting to understand that maybe the person he thought was a superhero turns out sort of to be the villain.

Related Characters: Davis Pickett Jr. (speaker), Aza Holmes, Davis Pickett, Sr., Noah
Related Symbols: Iron Man
Page Number: 147
Explanation and Analysis:

When my thoughts spiraled, I was in the spiral, and of it. And I wanted to tell him that the idea of being in a feeling gave language to something I couldn't describe before, created a form for it, but I couldn't figure out how to say any of that out loud.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Davis Pickett Jr.
Related Symbols: Circles and Spirals
Page Number: 150
Explanation and Analysis:

His bacteria would be in me forever, eighty million of them, breeding and growing and joining my bacteria and producing God knows what.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Davis Pickett Jr.
Page Number: 153
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 13 Quotes

Him: When you're on a Ferris wheel all anyone ever talks about is being on the Ferris wheel and the view from the Ferris wheel and whether the Ferris wheel is scary and how many more times it will go around. Dating is like that. Nobody who's doing it ever talks about anything else.

Related Characters: Davis Pickett Jr. (speaker), Aza Holmes
Related Symbols: Circles and Spirals
Page Number: 162
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 15 Quotes

As I looked at his face looking at mine, I realized the light that made him visible to me came mostly from a cycle: Our screens were lighting each of us with light from the other's bedroom. I could only see him because he could see me.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Davis Pickett Jr.
Related Symbols: Circles and Spirals
Page Number: 191
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 16 Quotes

When I was little, I knew monsters weren't, like, real. But I also knew I could be hurt by things that weren't real. I knew that made-up things mattered, and could kill you.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Daisy, Ayala
Page Number: 196
Explanation and Analysis:

It's just, like, this isn't going to be some story where the poor, penniless girl gets rich and then realizes that truth matters more than money and establishes her heroism by going back to being the poor, penniless girl, okay?

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Daisy, Davis Pickett, Sr.
Page Number: 199
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 17 Quotes

It was saying that my bacteria were affecting my thinking--maybe not directly, but through the information they told my gut to send to my brain. Maybe you're not even thinking this thought. Maybe your thinking's infected.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker)
Page Number: 210
Explanation and Analysis:

Please just let me out. Whoever is authoring me, let me up out of this. Anything to be out of this.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker)
Related Symbols: Circles and Spirals
Page Number: 211
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 19 Quotes

... the stupidity of Ayala, Aza, and Holmesy and all my irreconcilable selves, my self-absorption, the filth in my gut, think about anything other than yourself you disgusting narcissist.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Ayala
Related Symbols: Circles and Spirals
Page Number: 226
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 21 Quotes

My whole life I thought I was the star of an overly earnest romance movie, and it turns out I was in a goddamned buddy comedy all along.

Related Characters: Daisy (speaker), Aza Holmes
Page Number: 241
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 22 Quotes

You're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick. You're the storyteller and the story told. You are somebody's something, but you are also your own.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Daisy, Mychal
Page Number: 257
Explanation and Analysis:
Chapter 24 Quotes

I would always be like this, always have this within me. There was no beating it. I would never slay the dragon, because the dragon was also me. My self and the disease were knotted together for life.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker)
Page Number: 280
Explanation and Analysis:

... I realized something Davis must have already known: Spirals grow infinitely small the farther you follow them inward, but they also grow infinitely large the farther you follow them out.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker), Davis Pickett Jr.
Page Number: 280
Explanation and Analysis:

I know that girl would go on, that she would grow up, have children and love them, that despite loving them she would get too sick to care for them, be hospitalized, get better, and then get sick again. I know a shrink would say, Write it down, how you got here.
So you would, and in writing it down you realize, love is not a tragedy or a failure, but a gift.

Related Characters: Aza Holmes (speaker)
Related Symbols: Circles and Spirals
Page Number: 285
Explanation and Analysis:
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Aza Holmes Character Timeline in Turtles All the Way Down

The timeline below shows where the character Aza Holmes appears in Turtles All the Way Down. The colored dots and icons indicate which themes are associated with that appearance.
Chapter 1
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Aza addresses the reader and says she first realized she might be fictional when she was... (full context)
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Aza describes sitting in the cafeteria and listening to the din of the many loud conversations... (full context)
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Daisy interrupts Aza's reverie by asking if she went to camp with Davis Pickett. Aza assures Daisy she's... (full context)
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Aza explains that excessive abdominal noise can be a symptom of an infection from the bacteria... (full context)
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Aza only partially hears Daisy make some suggestions to Mychal about his art project. Aza wonders... (full context)
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Daisy turns back to Mychal and Aza fears she's going to vomit. Daisy asks Aza if she's okay and Aza nods, though... (full context)
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As Aza gets up to throw her sandwich away, Daisy asks Aza (calling her Holmesy, and refers... (full context)
Chapter 2
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On her way to history class, Aza checks the "Human Microbiota" Wikipedia article again. Her mom yells... (full context)
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Mom begins to say that Aza looks anxious, but Aza interrupts and asks who decides when the school bells ring and... (full context)
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Mom asks if Aza is going straight home after work, and Aza explains her after-school plan with Daisy. When... (full context)
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After school, Aza finds Daisy already sitting in Aza's car (which she calls Harold) drinking a carton of... (full context)
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...listening to Side B of a Missy Elliott cassette that won't eject from the player. Aza says that this imperfect system changed her life as she and Daisy scan radio stations.... (full context)
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Daisy yells excitedly that Aza knew Mr. Pickett's son. Aza explains to the reader that for two years after fifth... (full context)
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Daisy continues to talk about the reward money, and Aza says she has homework and can't solve the mystery of Mr. Pickett tonight. Daisy quotes... (full context)
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Daisy insists that she and Aza now have a lead. She tells Aza to exit off the freeway. Aza does and... (full context)
Chapter 3
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Aza explains that she and Mom used to paddle down the White River in their canoe,... (full context)
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Mom's closet is filled with ugly clothes, and Daisy decides she'll stick with the uniform. Aza hears Mom get home and feels nervous. Daisy grabs Aza and leads her outside to... (full context)
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Aza remembers playing on the river with Daisy when they were little. Daisy would throw daddy... (full context)
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...before they realized the river was only six inches deep and non-navigable. Daisy explains that her dad told her that as her phone rings. It's her dad asking if she can... (full context)
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As Aza and Daisy float down the river, Aza looks up through dead tree branches that fracture... (full context)
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After sitting for a while, Aza and Daisy wade through the river until they get to the bank of the river.... (full context)
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The next photo (the one after the photo of Mr. Pickett) won't load. Aza is calm as she waits, but Daisy is obviously agitated and runs off. When the... (full context)
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The man in the golf cart calls down to Aza and Daisy from the top of the wall. Daisy explains that their canoe has a... (full context)
Chapter 4
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Lyle drives Aza and Daisy down a path through the Pickett estate. Aza notices that the estate is... (full context)
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Lyle, Aza, and Daisy drive by the pool. The island in the middle is now covered in... (full context)
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Davis asks Aza if she can get her a Dr. Pepper, which he says he remembers is her... (full context)
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Davis explains that he thought of Aza when his father first disappeared. The newscasters kept using Mr. Pickett's full name, which is... (full context)
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Aza insists that it's not exactly like The Tempest, and Davis says that Aza looks very... (full context)
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Aza stares at Davis, and Davis apologizes for saying that it isn't a lot of money.... (full context)
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...climate-controlled and tropical inside. Malik locates the tuatara, a female reptile named Tua, and brings her to the girls. Daisy pets the tuatara, but Aza refuses. Malik explains some facts about... (full context)
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Davis has to get something from the house, and Daisy pushes Aza to go with him. When they enter the house, Davis’s little brother, Noah, is playing... (full context)
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Aza picks up the Iron Man figure as Davis comes up behind her. Davis tells her... (full context)
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At Aza's house, Daisy gets out of the Escalade. Aza takes Davis’s phone to type in her... (full context)
Chapter 5
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As Aza drives Daisy home, they argue about whether or not Aza has a crush on Davis.... (full context)
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Daisy asks Aza if she knows who will inherit Mr. Pickett's fortune when he dies. Aza makes a... (full context)
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Daisy wonders if Davis would turn in Mr. Pickett if he knew where his father was. Daisy and Aza wonder who might have helped him disappear, and Aza... (full context)
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Aza watches TV with Mom when she gets home, but she starts to struggle with intrusive... (full context)
Chapter 6
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The next day after school, Aza changes her Band-Aid before heading out to Harold. Aza texts Daisy and asks her if... (full context)
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Aza begins to drive home, but she remembers that she could drive several hundred miles and... (full context)
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Mom is inside grading quizzes. Aza sits down on the couch with her and Mom says that Lyle from the Pickett... (full context)
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Aza and Mom cook dinner, watch TV, and do dishes. Finally, Daisy texts and says she's... (full context)
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Holly, Daisy and Aza's usual server, approaches the table. Aza stops Daisy from asking Holly if she's ever gotten... (full context)
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Aza looks through Davis’s Facebook page and discovers his Instagram username. His Instagram is filled with... (full context)
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...James reads, "the greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another," under which Davis wrote that he cannot at all choose his thoughts. Aza thinks that... (full context)
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The blog stops the day Mr. Pickett went missing. Hard as she tries, Aza can't find more of Davis’s online presence. Daisy suddenly calls Aza's attention back to Applebee's.... (full context)
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Aza discovers that even though Mr. Pickett settled his lawsuits out of court, the criminal investigation... (full context)
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Daisy smiles a big, victorious smile. Aza notices her crooked teeth. Daisy explains that she tricked a junior reporter into sending her... (full context)
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Holly drops off the check and Aza puts her mom's debit card down, noting that Daisy never has money. Daisy angrily explains... (full context)
Chapter 7
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Aza drives Mom to school the next morning. Mom notices Aza pressing on her finger, something... (full context)
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At her locker, Aza looks up the reporter that Daisy phished and sees that he appears to... (full context)
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Aza hasn't read the report, so she sneakily reads it throughout the day. It consists of... (full context)
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When Aza gets in Harold after school, Daisy scares her by appearing out of her backseat. After... (full context)
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Later that night, Daisy calls Aza and says that she spoke with the tip line. She discovered that it's up to... (full context)
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...part of who he is, saying how lonely he is, and apologizing for the texts. Aza finally replies with "hi," and they text about how to define "I." They talk about... (full context)
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...texts that his mom's birthday is today, but Noah barely cares because he never knew her. He continues that after you lose a loved one, you realize you'll lose everyone. Aza... (full context)
Chapter 8
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...a date with Mychal, but told him it would be a picnic double date with Aza and Davis. Aza says she hates eating outside and asks why they can't go to... (full context)
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After school, Aza drives to her appointment with Dr. Singh. Aza tries to think about what to say... (full context)
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Dr. Singh tells Aza she's being cruel to herself by calling herself crazy. Aza asks how a person can... (full context)
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Dr. Singh asks Aza if she's taking her medication. Aza says she is, but says it freaks her out... (full context)
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Dr. Singh asks Aza to frame her mental state around a word other than crazy. She asks Aza to... (full context)
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Dr. Singh immediately tells Aza she doesn't have C. diff, and runs through the symptoms with Aza. Aza nods but... (full context)
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Aza looks up the case report on her way out to Harold. The woman did have... (full context)
Chapter 9
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Life continues for Aza, and she says that she isn't crazy all the time. On Friday night, she spends... (full context)
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Aza is the last to arrive at Applebee's and takes a seat next to Mychal. Daisy... (full context)
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Daisy tries to include Aza by asking about her internet usage, but Aza insists she doesn't feel the need to... (full context)
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...that they actually get the movies at his house when they come out in theaters. Aza makes herself agree to go. (full context)
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Aza and Mychal drive their cars behind Davis to the Pickett estate. When they get there,... (full context)
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Davis leads Aza into a basement room lined with Mr. Pickett's collection of first edition books. He tells... (full context)
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Davis leads Aza to a sand bunker on the golf course. They lay down and he points to... (full context)
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Aza feels Davis fumbling for her hand and takes his. Davis turns his head towards her.... (full context)
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Aza tells Davis that she presses her nail into her finger pad to convince herself that... (full context)
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Aza asks Davis what he's thinking, and he says that Aza is too good to be... (full context)
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Aza follows Davis to the cottage. Davis walks to the bar area and pulls out cereal... (full context)
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Aza sprints with the bag back to the house. She runs upstairs, hears Daisy talking behind... (full context)
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...without their dad, but that he still wants him to come home. Noah leans into Aza and starts sobbing. She comforts him as he sobs and says he can't think straight.... (full context)
Chapter 10
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The next morning, Aza texts Daisy to call her when she can. Daisy calls immediately and begins rambling about... (full context)
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Later, Aza goes through the notes Noah sent her. The final notes interest her and seem connected:... (full context)
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Aza shows up early to Applebee's. She fumbles around in Harold's trunk until she finds her... (full context)
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Daisy arrives a bit later, and Aza calls her over to get in the car, where she tells her to open the... (full context)
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Holly is shocked when Daisy and Aza order sodas. Daisy upgrades her side to onion rings, and tells Holly she doesn't have... (full context)
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Aza mentions that she spoke to Noah the night before and that he gave her the... (full context)
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Daisy says that Aza is a good friend because she shared the money and asks if the lawyer is... (full context)
Chapter 11
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The next morning, Aza picks up a phone call from Simon Morris. She slips outside and away from Mom... (full context)
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Aza tells Mr. Morris that she's worried about Noah and asks if there's other family. Mr.... (full context)
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Aza feels fine the next day until she and Daisy are in Harold on their way... (full context)
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When Aza takes the Band-Aid off, her finger is red and inflamed. She shows Daisy and says... (full context)
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At the bank, Daisy introduces herself to a teller. They escort Daisy and Aza to a private office and set them... (full context)
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As Aza drives to Daisy's apartment, she keeps forgetting where and why she is where she is.... (full context)
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At home, Aza examines her finger in the bathroom. She cleans and re-bandages it before taking her regular... (full context)
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Mom comes into Aza's room and asks if she'd like to help make dinner and then if she's scared.... (full context)
Chapter 12
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On Thursday morning, an orange VW Beetle is parked in Aza's school parking spot. Daisy is in the driver's seat. Aza reminds Daisy that the banker... (full context)
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Aza spends the morning poring over the college guide. She explains that she'd never considered going... (full context)
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Aza comes up from the depths of the college guide at lunch, when she listens to... (full context)
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Daisy and Aza go to Aza's house after school. Daisy comments that school is much easier without a... (full context)
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Daisy scrolls through comments as Aza tries to read for school. Finally, Daisy says that it's infuriating when Aza judges her.... (full context)
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A few minutes before seven, Davis texts from Aza's driveway. She runs out to meet him and yells a brief goodbye to Mom on... (full context)
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...looking after him. Davis mentions the lawyer and his house manager. Mom informs him that Aza isn't "some girl from the other side of the river." She continues that Davis can... (full context)
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In the car, Davis tells Aza that he can't have anything he wants, especially a mother. He says that most adults... (full context)
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At the Pickett mansion, Aza and Davis see two candlelit place settings at the dining room table. Rosa greets them,... (full context)
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Davis says there's a rumor at his school that he killed both his parents. He says he's fine,... (full context)
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...he wishes he'd do the "dad stuff" like take Noah to school and not disappear. Aza apologizes and Davis asks if she's been in love. She hasn't, and neither has he.... (full context)
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Davis leads Aza to two pool loungers set up on the golf course. He deems the cloudy sky... (full context)
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Aza mentions the "widening gyre" in the poem "The Second Coming." She says that the widening... (full context)
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Aza leans over and kisses Davis. When she pulls away, she asks him for another poem.... (full context)
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Davis tries to touch Aza, but she jerks away and tries to mentally talk herself down from her growing desire... (full context)
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Davis leads Aza to sit down with him and asks if she's okay. Aza says she's fine, just... (full context)
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In the theater, Davis asks how Aza can be friends with Daisy and not like space operas. Aza worries that they're both... (full context)
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When the movie ends, Aza says she's tired. Davis drives her home and kisses her on the lips on her... (full context)
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Mom is waiting for Aza when she comes out of the bathroom. Mom asks if Aza is feeling anxious, but... (full context)
Chapter 13
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Davis texts Aza early the next morning and asks if she'd like to watch another movie. Aza declines... (full context)
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The next day, Aza has an appointment with Dr. Singh. Aza tells her about Davis and Dr. Singh notes... (full context)
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Aza tells Dr. Singh that she fears she's a fiction. She explains that she wonders if... (full context)
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Dr. Singh mentions a moment in James Joyce's novel Ulysses where a character speaks to the author, asking him to let her out of the novel.... (full context)
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When Aza gets home, Mom asks her how her appointment went. Aza says it was fine, and... (full context)
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Mom mentions that she spoke to Aza's history teacher and he said that Aza's most recent essay was the best he's seen.... (full context)
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Aza does her homework and then thinks about texting Davis. Finally, she gives in and asks... (full context)
Chapter 14
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Before school on Monday, Aza tells Daisy about kissing Davis and texting him. Daisy says that kissing is gross when... (full context)
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At the Pickett estate after school, Lyle lets Aza through the gate and then takes her to Davis in his golf cart. As they... (full context)
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At the pool, Davis and Noah are sitting hunched on a pool lounger. He tells Aza that he needs a few minutes, so she gets back in the golf cart with... (full context)
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Davis comes in the door behind Aza. Aza thanks Malik for the tour and follows Davis out of the lab. He explains... (full context)
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In the theater, Davis starts Jupiter Ascending and says that if Aza doesn't like it, she can choose the next ten movies. Aza holds Davis’s hand and... (full context)
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Aza thinks of a poem about counting snowflakes and thinks that you can only count a... (full context)
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When Aza comes out of the bathroom, Noah tells Aza that nobody wants to find his dad.... (full context)
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Back in the basement, Davis asks Aza if she's okay. She apologizes and says she can't talk about it, and tries to... (full context)
Chapter 15
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That night, Aza tries to text Davis, gives up, and pulls out her laptop. She searches for usernames... (full context)
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Aza clicks over to the "poems" tab on the blog and reads poems about Davis's parents.... (full context)
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Aza asks if Davis wants to facetime. He agrees and when they begin the call, they... (full context)
Chapter 16
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Aza tells the reader that she and Davis texted and facetimed almost every night for a... (full context)
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Aza thinks that Ayala is horrible. She ruins everything for Rey and Chewbacca. Many of the... (full context)
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When Aza sees Daisy at school, she feels like Daisy is only right to deal with her... (full context)
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After school, Aza mostly watches Daisy watch Attack of the Clones and scrolls through articles about Mr. Pickett's... (full context)
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...the truth matters more than money, and go back to being poor to become a hero. Aza quietly says that nobody is taking Daisy's money away and points out that Daisy... (full context)
Chapter 17
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That night, Davis texts Aza and asks if they can hang out. Aza agrees. It's freezing outside as she walks... (full context)
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Aza and Davis stop by the pool and sit on loungers. Davis worries about Noah and... (full context)
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Davis asks Aza if she's worried the same sort of thing will happen to her. Aza says that... (full context)
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Davis asks Aza if she'd like to swim. He strips down to his underwear and jumps into the... (full context)
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Davis shows Aza his telescope. He focuses it on his favorite star, Tau Ceti, and explains that it's... (full context)
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When Aza gets home and tells Mom that Davis wants to come over, she answers Mom's questions... (full context)
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Instead of going to sleep, Aza decides to read more of Daisy's fanfiction. She wonders how Davis can find Ayala charming,... (full context)
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Aza's brain reminds her that clearing out healthy bacteria can make room for malicious bacteria like... (full context)
Chapter 18
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Mom wakes Aza up at 6:50 and asks if she slept through her alarm. Aza makes it to... (full context)
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When Daisy gets into Harold, Aza quietly tells her that she barely changed her name in the fanfic and gave Ayala... (full context)
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Daisy apologizes for the mustard comment, but continues. She says that Aza doesn't even know Daisy’s parents' names or jobs and hasn't been to Daisy's apartment in... (full context)
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Aza feels like she's going to vomit. She can't decide if she deserves this or not... (full context)
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Daisy asks Aza if she's okay. Aza feels dizzy from the pain and sees spots in her vision.... (full context)
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A firefighter touches Aza's shoulder and tells her to not move. Aza tries to tell him that the phone... (full context)
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Aza wakes up for a moment in the ambulance, and then again in the hospital. Mom... (full context)
Chapter 19
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A doctor comes into Aza's room and says there's good news and bad news: Aza has a lacerated liver, but... (full context)
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Daisy leaves once Aza goes upstairs. Mom falls asleep in the recliner next to the hospital bed. Aza can... (full context)
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Aza can't figure out when she last changed her Band-Aid. She thinks about song lyrics that... (full context)
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Aza's thoughts spiral: she thinks that Daisy hates her, remembers Davis's tongue, and thinks about Mom's... (full context)
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Aza thinks she'll never have a normal life or be able to share a bathroom with... (full context)
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Mom wakes up and asks Aza what she's doing. Aza is embarrassed but can't stop. She puts another scoop of sanitizer... (full context)
Chapter 20
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Although Aza is still narrating, the point of view changes to second person (with Aza using “you”... (full context)
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Aza's brain thinks that she'll never know what she consumed while she was asleep, and Aza... (full context)
Chapter 21
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The narration returns to first person. Aza tells the reader that after she descended into "proper madness," she solved the mystery of... (full context)
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Aza says that that definitely didn't happen. She stayed in bed in the hospital for a... (full context)
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Dr. Singh comes every morning and a doctor checks on Aza's liver every afternoon. On Aza's last day, Dr. Singh asks Aza if she thinks she's... (full context)
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Dr. Singh comes to Aza's house twice per week. Mom makes sure that Aza takes her medication, and Aza isn't... (full context)
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Aza returns to school in December. She says that she isn't wondering whether or not to... (full context)
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Daisy waits for Aza on the front steps. Aza notices that she got a haircut as Daisy asks if... (full context)
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Aza tries to apologize again, but Daisy cuts her off. She insists that she wants to... (full context)
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...Mychal made the lunch table awkward, so they're going to picnic outside today. She tells Aza that a lot has happened since Aza lost her mind. Aza corrects her that she... (full context)
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At lunch, Aza and Daisy sit outside eating leftover pizza. Daisy says she's been thinking a lot about... (full context)
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Aza asks what Daisy's parents do. Daisy laughs. Her dad works at the State Museum, and... (full context)
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Daisy asks about Davis, but Aza hasn't talked to him or anyone else. Daisy asks Aza if she thought about killing... (full context)
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Daisy says she wishes she understood how Aza feels. Aza explains that she doesn't hate herself, because she can't find a self to... (full context)
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Aza stops at Mom's classroom after lunch and tells her about the money from Davis. She... (full context)
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Mychal catches Aza on her way to History and asks her to talk to Daisy about the breakup... (full context)
Chapter 22
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Aza struggles to drive Mom's car to Applebee's. She keeps thinking about the accident and thinks... (full context)
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Davis and Aza make small talk as Aza's mind begins to spiral about the dangers of kissing Davis.... (full context)
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Davis asks Aza if she feels like she's getting better. Aza thinks that everyone wants to hear that... (full context)
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The conversation struggles. Aza realizes that they're never going to be what they were. She texts Davis when she... (full context)
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At lunch the next day, Daisy grabs Aza and asks if she wants to go to a guerilla art show. She explains that... (full context)
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When Daisy and Mychal stop to pick up Aza that night, Aza feels underdressed. In Mychal's minivan, Daisy and Aza sing along with one... (full context)
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Mychal parks in a business parking lot. He, Daisy, and Aza get out into a crowd of twenty-somethings and middle-aged couples. A woman approaches Mychal. He... (full context)
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Daisy and Aza make their way down a hill, guided by a waving flashlight beam ahead. A man... (full context)
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Daisy isn't thrilled, but agrees to go with Aza. Daisy says that she doesn't understand how Aza can be so calm in a nasty... (full context)
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As they walk, Daisy asks if Aza would mind if she killed off Ayala. Aza says that she read the most recent... (full context)
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Aza admires the view of the city from the mouth of the tunnel. Daisy sits down... (full context)
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Daisy asks what they do as they start walking back to the gallery. Aza says that she'll tell Davis, but otherwise they do nothing. Daisy wonders if Mr. Pickett... (full context)
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In the gallery, Aza thinks that solving mysteries should bring closure, but they really just raise more questions. When... (full context)
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When Aza gets home, Mom asks her what the smell is. Aza explains that it's a mix... (full context)
Chapter 23
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Aza wakes up the next morning and spends much of her morning procrastinating about texting Davis.... (full context)
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Aza finally texts Davis and asks him to come over. He agrees to come at 5:30pm.... (full context)
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Aza and Davis lie on the couch. Davis asks what he should do now. Aza says... (full context)
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Later that night, Aza tries to text Davis. He doesn't reply, so she texts Daisy to come over. An... (full context)
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Davis never texts Aza back but does update his blog. His final post says that he knows nothing lasts,... (full context)
Chapter 24
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In January, Aza is eating breakfast in front of the muted TV while Mom hurries around in a... (full context)
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Aza texts Davis with condolences, and assures him that she and Daisy didn't tell the police.... (full context)
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Aza thinks that life goes on and people go on. She texts Davis and asks if... (full context)
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Aza continues to get better over the next few months. She and Daisy start clubs so... (full context)
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In April, Aza and Daisy are watching their favorite band perform at an awards show when someone knocks... (full context)
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Aza asks what they're seeing in the sky. Davis points out Jupiter and some stars, and... (full context)
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Aza looks at the sky and realizes how big it is. She thinks that Davis must... (full context)
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Aza steps out of the story and says she now knows the secret that she didn't... (full context)
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...Davis under the stars, she doesn't know any of that yet. In the box on her table is the spiral painting by Pettibon with a note on the back, which says... (full context)