Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness

Susannah tells the reader about neuroplasticity, or the brain's ability to form new neural connections and alter the strength of existing neurons. During her third hospital stay, Susannah finally becomes truly aware that her brain is healing. She begins keeping a diary and expresses that she wants to understand what happened. She explains that this diary has helped her actually remember what it was like to be this budding version of Susannah. Despite this, however, the Susannah that comes through in this diary is childlike. The passages read very much like a preteen wrote them, as they're focused entirely on her changing body and petty day-to-day issues.

Susannah begins her journal on June 3. Dad sits with her and suggests that she begin to write down what she remembers about what happened. Dad is alarmed to see that Susannah remembers nothing after her third seizure on the day she was first admitted to the hospital. However, her handwriting and sentence structure have improved dramatically. Dad helps Susannah fill in events from the hospital stay, though he purposefully leaves out particularly painful events.

Susannah explains that Dad helped her for her benefit only, as he overwhelmingly refuses to talk about her time in the hospital. Later, Giselle would tell Susannah privately how hard it had all been on Dad. He'd refused to talk to relatives on the phone, afraid he'd break down. Rather than talk to Susannah directly about her time in the hospital when she began writing this book, he gave her his personal journal.

By summer, Susannah and Dad regularly have dinner together. She tells the reader that even now, she and Dad sometimes lock eyes and begin speaking in a way that excludes everyone else at the dinner table. She explains that their bond was strengthened after looking her death in the face.

Susannah's relationship with Mom suffers greatly after her release from the hospital. They'd been close before, but Susannah's dependence on Mom to dispense medications took a toll on their relationship. To cope with this, Mom insists that Susannah wasn't that bad, and she knew that Susannah would recover. Mom doesn't accept that Susannah isn't fully recovered yet until midsummer. She and Susannah go out for lunch and Susannah begins to ask about the period before her hospitalization. Susannah has begun to realize that most of what she "remembers" are actually just hallucinations, so she's excited to learn more of the truth. Mom asks Susannah if she remembers her EEG. After some discussion, Susannah remembers the nurse's strobe light.

As Mom watches Susannah try to remember, Mom puts her face in her hands and starts crying. Susannah tries to comfort Mom. Mom laughs and recounts Susannah demanding food at the diner. Susannah remembers a brief image of the man behind the counter, but nothing else. Susannah explains that this was the turning point for her relationship with Mom. Mom finally admitted how afraid she was that Susannah would die, and from that point, they're able to move forward.