Tristram Shandy: Book 8: Chapters 29-35 Summary & Analysis

Chapter 29. Toby asks Trim to sharpen his sword too, but Trim says it will only get in his way.

Chapter 30. Trim fetches Toby new shaving razors. He also repairs his own Montero cap and wears Le Fever’s regimental coat. Trim proposes that once Toby has shaved and dressed, they should march straight up to widow Wadman’s house. There, while Toby “engages” her the parlor, Trim will “attack” Bridget in the kitchen. Toby says he would rather attack a real trench, and Trim comments that a woman is a very different challenge.

Chapter 31. The most embarrassing comment Walter could make to Toby in these circumstances is his quoting Hilarion the hermit, who described his self-flagellation as the way he made “his ass (meaning his body) leave off kicking.” Tristram takes care to distinguish between his father’s ass and his hobby-horse, arguing that while the latter is not violent but very useful, the former is a very difficult beast to mount.

Chapter 32. Walter, seeing that Toby is in love, asks him “how goes it with your Asse?” Toby misses the metaphor and thinks Walter is talking about the body part, where he recently had a blister. Even though they are in front of Mrs. Shandy, Dr. Slop, and Yorick, Toby thinks it is more polite than not to use the same terminology as his brother, as he will be forced to commit an indiscretion either way. Toby tells him his “Asse” is much better before he is interrupted by Dr. Slop’s laughter. Mrs. Shandy then says she hears he is in love, and when Toby confirms asks when he knew that he was: Toby answers “When the blister broke.”

Chapter 33. Walter lectures Toby on love, explaining that the ancients divided love into kinds which affect the brain and the liver. Toby is unconvinced why it matters as long as one marries and has “a few children,” provoking his brother and Dr. Slop’s cries. Walter assures Toby he would be happy to become an uncle, and praises Toby for his gentle nature, saying that if he were an “Asiatick monarch” he would force Toby to produce new subjects for him with different beautiful women on a monthly basis. Toby is not amused.

Yorick is in favor of Walter’s theoretical approach to love, adding that he has wasted much of his life trying to understand it. Walter advises Yorick to read Plato, explaining that there is a rational love and a natural love. Walter continues, ignoring Toby’s questions, explaining that the first love is related to truth and philosophy, the second carnal desire. Walter and Dr. Slop agree, for once, on the virtues of virginity.

Chapter 34. Tristram explains how Walter’s argumentative nature tends to turn the company against him, as he commits himself to arguing in favor of the most untenable of positions. Trim interrupts Walter and Dr. Slop’s discussion of virginity to tell Toby that his scarlet breeches are too worn out to be redone by the tailor. Walter suggests that widow Wadman’s passions may have already peaked. He warns that she may not still love him in a year.

Trim bets Walter his Montero cap that widow Wadman cannot resist Toby for more than 10 days, but Dr. Slop interrupts to rudely ask him how he knows so much about women. Trim replies that he learned from falling in love with a Catholic clergywoman; Toby explains that she was a Beguine nun. Dr. Slop is enraged but is unable to retort because Walter starts rambling about nuns and Beguines. The company breaks up to attend to their own affairs, and Walter writes Toby a letter of instructions for wooing widow Wadman.

Walter, writing to Toby about women and lovemaking while he is in the bedroom with Mrs. Shandy, implores Toby to approach love carefully and with God’s protection. He instructs Toby to shave his whole head clean every four or five days to not surprise widow Wadman with his baldness if his wig comes off. He also tells Toby to remember “That women are timid,” not to wear his breeches too tight or too loose, and to speak softly and avoid pleasantries. He also cautions against giving widow Wadman any serious reading, like Don Quixote, and to be careful letting her hold his hand, lest his “Asse” start kicking. Walter then recommends several ancient diets potions to treat love. He wishes Toby the best until the next war breaks out.

Chapter 35. As Walter writes his letter, Toby and Trim prepare for the next day’s attack, scheduled for eleven o’clock. Walter suggests to Mrs. Shandy that they go wish Toby well before he departs, and they enter just as the clock strikes eleven. There is too much left to tell at the end of the eighth volume alone, Tristram interjects. Walter only has time to put the letter in Toby’s pocket and wish him well. Mrs. Shandy expresses her desire to look through the keyhole, if only out of curiosity. Walter tells her to name her desire for what it is, but to go ahead and look for as long as she likes.