Me Talk Pretty One Day: Smart Guy Summary & Analysis

Sedaris has always thought of himself as a secret genius even though he’s never had reason to believe this. While working as a cleaner in his mid-twenties, he works alongside a man named Reggie who won’t stop talking about how smart he is, constantly bragging that he has an IQ of 130. Reggie uses this to argue that he should be doing greater things than cleaning, saying he needs more of a challenge. In response, Sedaris suggests that he turn on a fan and try to sweep into the wind. Annoyed, Reggie says Sedaris shouldn’t make fun of him because he’s smarter than him, estimating that Sedaris himself has an IQ of 72. This, Reggie says, means Sedaris better like sweeping, implying that he’ll still be working as a cleaner in 15 years.

Fifteen years later, Sedaris is still working as a cleaner—but he doesn’t sweep, he uses a vacuum cleaner. He doesn’t know what Reggie is up to these days, but he thinks of him when he decides to take an IQ test. Despite the fact that he has no reason to believe this, he has always secretly thought he might be a genius. Either way, he doesn’t think taking the test will hurt him in any way, since he’s a fully established adult who has proven his ability to care for himself. No matter what, he figures, he’s “smart enough to get by.” What he doesn’t consider, though, is that a bad score on an IQ test can overshadow a person’s entire history, making sense of a lifetime’s worth of mistakes, failures, and bad choices. 

Sedaris convinces Hugh to take the IQ test with him, thinking that—at the very least—he will be smarter than his boyfriend. After all, Hugh recently ordered a pizza that the waiter suggested he avoid, and the pizza was terrible. This made Sedaris confident that he’s smarter than Hugh. To become a member of the esteemed group Mensa, a person needs to have an IQ of 132 or higher. While taking the test, Sedaris experiences extreme fatigue. During the short break, Hugh chats casually with the test administrator, showing no signs of mental strain. In the final section of the test, Sedaris doesn’t even come within striking distance of finishing. A week later, he and Hugh receive their scores. Hugh’s letter urges him to try again because he’s close to qualifying for Mensa. Sedaris’s, letter, on the other hand begins with the line, “We regret to inform you…”

“It turns out that I’m really stupid,” Sedaris notes, adding that certain cats probably weigh more than his IQ score. The test, he knows, measures a person’s ability to think logically. This is why he didn’t do well—he doesn’t think logically. When he was a kid, he once tried to use mayonnaise as insect repellant. He also thought putting sunscreen on a piece of gum would cure diabetes. Whenever he did these things, his father would sarcastically call him “Smart Guy.” Because Sedaris now feels bad about himself, Hugh suggests that everybody thinks in different ways and that there are things Sedaris is quite good at. When Sedaris asks him what, exactly, these things are, Hugh says vacuuming and “naming stuffed animals.” Pausing, he says that there must be other things but that he needs time to think of them.