Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in A Little Life, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Trauma
Identity
Success and Happiness
Friendship and Human Connection
Pain and Suffering
Summary
Analysis
A few weeks before he’s supposed to go to Boston for Thanksgiving, Jude receives a big wooden box in the mail at work. It’s from JB—an apology. Jude calls Willem, who is on his way home from the theater. Willem guesses what’s inside the box: the painting. He knows because he spoke to JB and told him to make amends.
It seems that JB has gone through with his unwise plan to paint the photograph of Jude without asking Jude’s permission—and now he’s trying to right his wrong by giving Jude the painting as a peace offering. JB’s (likely) breach of Jude’s trust shows how low he’s willing to sink to achieve success.
Themes
The narrative flashes back to 18 months ago. A gallery on the Lower East Side offers to represent JB, and he has his first solo show, “The Boys,” that spring. The show features two dozen paintings based on the photos he’s taken of Malcolm, Jude, and Willem. JB had promised to run any photos of Jude by Jude first, but JB wasn’t interested in the photos Jude approved. They’d fought, and JB angrily told Jude that he doesn’t owe him anything—he could paint and display whatever he wanted. Jude could’ve retorted that JB did owe him—as a friend—but over time, Jude has realized that JB’s ideas about friendship differ greatly from his own.
On the one hand, JB has dedicated an entire gallery show to his friends, which shows how much they mean to him. On the other hand, though, in painting them, he’s using them and exploiting their likenesses to advance his career. So, to JB, his friends are simultaneously people he cherishes for their companionship—and people he values, selfishly, for what they can give him. This latter point is, perhaps, but what Jude is alluding to when he remarks that his views of friendship are different from JB’s, since readers know that Jude (to a fault) expects nothing of his friends and loves them for themselves.
Themes
Ultimately, though, JB conceded to Jude, though in the months leading up to his show, he grumbled about the so-called “lost paintings” he could have painted had Jude been more reasonable. JB’s show opens on a Thursday in April; he’s just turned 30. Inside the gallery, Jude meets Black Henry Young and other people he knows from college and parties. He sees JB’s family and Malcolm’s family. Jude has always known that JB has talent, even if his personality sometimes leaves something to be desired. His paintings reveal what of him is hidden beneath his exterior “pettiness and ill-temper.” Jude looks admiringly at a painting called Willem and the Girl. He sees JB elsewhere in the gallery and mouths, “Genius,” at him, and JB smiles back, thanking him.
The betrayal Jude is likely about to stumble upon (in the form of a painting of him he didn’t give JB his consent to paint) is made even more brutal by the kindness and support Jude shows for JB in this scene. Jude seems genuinely to appreciate JB’s artistry, seeing JB’s paintings as a portal into the goodness of JB’s soul that is so often obscured by JB’s outward “pettiness and ill-temper.” This scene effectively introduces yet another instance in Jude’s life where he trusts somebody and gives them the benefit of the doubt—only for them to immediately betray him. Jude, it’s now clear, is a seriously troubled person, but there are valid reasons for him to be this way. It’s a learned mode of being.
Themes
But no sooner has Jude complimented JB than he walks toward another edge of the gallery and sees two painting of himself—neither of which he gave JB permission to show. In fact, Jude doesn’t even remember JB taking these photos of him. One shows him very young, holding a cigarette. In the other, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, his forehead leaning against the wall—it’s the position he always assumes when he’s coming out of an episode. Jude understands that the point of this photo is that he wasn’t supposed to know it existed.
The photo of Jude holding the cigarette is the photo JB mentioned in the earlier chapter. The second photo, though, is an even bigger betrayal. Jude is incredibly private about his injuries and his pain, and now JB has put all that on display for the world to see. When JB hangs this painting depicting Jude in pain—pain that is, symbolically, a souvenir from a traumatic period in Jude’s life—it’s as though he’s rubbing it in Jude’s face that he’ll always be this damaged, traumatized person, no matter how hard he tries to make a new life for himself and leave the past behind.
Themes
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Jude survives JB’s post-opening dinner. Willem is acting in a show, and Jude misses him. He feels lucky that JB has been preoccupied with others—that he hasn’t had to speak with him. But when he returns to Lispenard Street later that evening, he finally expresses his fury and betrayal to Willem. Willem is immediately on Jude’s side. This initiates a second fight between JB and Jude, which begins at a café near JB’s apartment. JB refuses to apologize, instead raving about how amazing his paintings turned out, and that someday, Jude will get over his personal issues and learn to appreciate them. When Jude gets up to leave, JB makes no attempt to stop him. After this Jude stops speaking to JB. Willem, still enraged, insists that JB still owes Jude an apology.
In the previous chapter, which Harold narrates, he seems to suggest that Willem and Jude end up together romantically. This scene supports this theory, since it portrays yet another instance in which Willem acts as Jude’s advocate and protector when nobody else will. This scene certainly doesn’t paint JB in a positive light. He’s completely ignorant to the severity of Jude’s unresolved trauma, insinuating that it would be easier for Jude to get over everything that happened to him than it would be for JB to apologize to Jude for betraying Jude’s trust. The novel portrays friendship as a way people can find comfort in the face of adversity and suffering, yet this scene with JB shows that friends (and relationships in general) can also be the source of additional adversity and pain.
Themes
JB’s show is immensely successful and sells out. Jude, After Sickness—the painting Jude is most upset about, especially after he learns of the title—is sold to a collector who exclusively buys from artists’ debut shows, and every artist he’s bought from has gone on to have a successful career. Jude with Cigarette, “the show’s centerpiece,” is sold to the Museum of Modern Art. Willem thinks JB should get the painting back from the gallery and give it to Jude. Malcolm claims this is impossible—it’s MoMA, after all. Willem insists, though, that JB has to choose between the painting and Jude’s friendship. Malcolm reluctantly passes the message along, and JB accuses Willem of betraying him.
JB must choose between professional achievement and friendship, and he’s chosen professional achievement. In this way, the novel implies that success doesn’t just not guarantee happiness and fulfillment, but it in fact can be an obstacle to achieving happiness and fulfillment. In the world of the novel, happiness and success are mutually exclusive. Also pretty egregious here is the way that JB has exploited Jude’s disability and physical suffering for success.
Themes
That summer, Jude and Willem go to Truro without JB and Malcolm, and then to Croatia and Turkey. In the fall, Willem and JB meet for a second time. Willem has just gotten his first film role—he’s playing a king in The Girl with the Silver Hands and will start shooting next year in Sofia. Meanwhile, Jude has had to use a wheelchair more often than not, and Willem is now dating a costume designer named Philippa. Harold tells Jude that he and Julia have something important to ask Jude at Thanksgiving.
This fight with JB marks a turning point in the four central characters’ friendship. Remember that this is a flashback to events that begin 18 months before the novel’s present, so readers know that JB makes an effort, finally, to apologize to Jude. But for now, it seems that their longtime friendship might really be in jeopardy, and it’s also not clear if Jude (in the present day) will even accept JB’s apology.
Themes
Back in the present, as Jude receives the painting in the mail, JB and Jude’s fight seems to be over. Willem comes over to Jude’s office, and they unwrap the painting and stare at it. Jude can’t make himself relate to the scared, feeble creature the painting depicts—he wants to think he left this person behind. Willem suggests they give the painting to Harold, who would love it. Willem leaves. Jude leaves a voicemail for JB, thanking him.
Jude seems willing to take the high road and forgive JB for betraying him—because what else is he to do? Jude has lived a hard life full of trauma, abuse, and betrayal, and it seems to have desensitized him to hurt, to some degree. It also has taught him that friends can offer a person support against the world’s cruelties, even if doing so requires a person to make compromises.
Themes
In retrospect, this moment will look like “a sort of fulcrum,” in which Jude’s friendships with JB and Willem both changed. In his 20s, he’d felt so fulfilled by his friendships. Now, he realizes that the friends he has slowly and difficultly learned to trust are capable of betraying him. But he also realizes that he has one friend who never would.
This passage reaffirms the novel’s core thesis that suffering is a fundamental part of life and pervades all human experience. In retrospect, Jude sees this moment as reaffirming Willem’s loyalty to him (Willem is the friend Jude has realized will never betray him) but this tender, positive realization comes with the corresponding realization that others (like JB) can and will betray him.
Themes
Every year, Harold plans out elaborate Thanksgiving meals—and every year, he fails miserably. One year, Harold proclaims that he’s going to make duck à l’orange. But when Jude arrives that day, cake in hand, Julia ushers him inside and, in a whisper, urges him not to bring up the duck. This year, Harold’s big new plan is to make a stuffed trout. Jude wonders why Harold tries so hard when he doesn’t have great taste in food or drink. Willem suggests that the elaborate meals are really Harold showing Jude that “he cares about [him] enough to try to impress [him].” Jude thinks this is laughable.
That Jude thinks it’s ridiculous to think that Harold is trying to impress him with these elaborate Thanksgiving meals reaffirms his low self-esteem and his inability to grasp the depth of Harold’s commitment to their friendship. Willem is likely a more objective judge of the situation, so it’s fair to assume that his guess is close to the truth: that Harold wants to impress Jude and make the holiday a special time for him—even if he fails miserably at this task. Again, though, note that despite the building evidence that Jude has no shortage of kind, caring people in his life, he remains unhappy and unwell.
Themes
There are eight dinner guests this year: Harold and Julia, Laurence and Gillian, some of Julia’s friends, and Willem and Jude. As expected, Harold’s trout falls through, and they’re eating turkey once again. Jude feels comfortable, and he wonders when this happened. At dinner, Harold turns to Jude and Willem and asks, “when are you two ever going to settle down?” Willem guffaws; he’s only 32. Jude tries to enjoy the evening, but inside, he anguishes over Julia and Harold’s mysterious big news. He wonders if Harold is tired of him and wants him out of his life. Willem leaves early the next day—he has a show in New York—but makes Jude promise to tell him the minute he finds out.
Jude feels comfortable at the dinner table tonight, which comes as a shock to himself—and should come as a shock to the reader, too. Maybe things are finally getting better for him. Maybe he’s finally realized that people care about him and that he has a place where he belongs—where people accept him despite the emotional baggage he carries with him. Still, this feeling of comfort is undercut by Jude’s looming anxieties about Julia and Harold’s big news. To the reader, Jude’s fears might seem totally off-base: Julia and Harold do nothing but support and care for Jude, and they’ve given no indication that they plan to stop. Yet Jude worries about this nonetheless, a side effect, no doubt, of the many times people have let him down in the past.
Themes
Jude spends the next day obsessively cleaning. Finally, he, Harold, and Julia sit down for an early dinner, and Harold suggests they have their talk. Harold nervously begins his speech. He’s known Jude for over a decade now, he explains, and he and Julia think so much of Jude. They want to ask Jude if they can adopt him as their legal son. Jude is too stunned to respond. Harold can’t read his expression, and he backtracks, insisting that Jude can say no if he wants. And he can have some time to think about it.
This is a huge moment for Jude. Harold and Julia are offering him the chance to have the support and stability of a family—something that, as far as readers know, Jude has never had. And for Harold, this relationship offers something big too: it offers him the chance to raise a second son in the aftermath of Jacob’s death. At this point, it’s yet unknown how and when Jacob died, but the novel has implied that it was a traumatic and horrible experience for Harold. So, it says something about his comfort with vulnerability that he would invite a second son into his life and risk enduring future suffering and heartbreak (recall how Harold described the love for one’s child as a love saturated with fear).
Themes
Finally, Jude regains composure and addresses Harold and Julia. He doesn’t need time to think about it, he tells them—this is all he’s wanted his entire life. Julia gets up to grab some celebratory champagne. Alone, Harold confirms that Jude is sure about his decision. “You realize you’re going to be bound to us for life,” Harold says to Jude, smiling as he rests his hand on Jude’s shoulder.
Harold has experienced trauma and suffering, yet he has managed to rebound and take on a positive outlook on life. “You realize you’re going to be bound to us for life,” he tells Jude, discounting how this same sentiment turned out not to be true for his first son, Jacob. Harold seems to have worked through his past trauma. He’s healed from it to the point that he can invite love—and the unavoidable possibility of heartbreak—into his life once more.
Themes
Jude returns to his bed later that night. He lies down and feels the mattress beneath him, and he needs this familiar sensation to remind himself that this is all real. He thinks back to when he was little, when he’d asked Brother Peter if he’d ever be adopted, and Brother Peter had said, “no.” Willem calls Jude after his performance and is over the moon when Jude tells him the news. But Jude only confesses that he’s afraid he’s going to mess everything up. Willem has to get back to his performance, but before hanging up, he assures Jude, “No one deserves it more.”
Jude’s life has been so predominately filled with pain and suffering that Harold and Julia’s positive announcement seems surreal to him. And Jude can’t feel Willem’s enthusiasm and joy over the news, since past experiences, like this one he recalls involving Brother Peter, have taught him to believe that good things will never happen to him. Finally, Willem’s promise that “No one deserves [to be adopted] more” broaches one of the novels’ core ideas, which is this idea of whether people deserve the bad or good things that happen to them. Willem seems to believe that Jude deserves to have Harold and Julia as his parents because he's been orphaned all his life and is a good person worthy of love. But is this true? Was Jude any more or less deserving of the misfortunes that have befallen him his entire life? Or is it really the case that everything in life—whether good or bad—is only arbitrary?
Themes
When Jude returns to the apartment the next day, there’s a note from Willem telling him to wait up. A while later, Willem arrives, ice cream and carrot cake in hand, and they eat it together. Over the next few weeks, Jude works through the formal adoption process and tells all his closest friends. But then December passes, and it’s January. Willem goes to Bulgaria to film, and all of Jude’s anxieties and fears return. He and Harold have a court date in February to sign the necessary legal documents. Too afraid that he’s going to mess everything up, Jude begins to avoid Harold and Julia. When they come to New York to see a play in January, he pretends that he's out of town. They call him, but he doesn’t open up to them. He’s afraid of saying something that will make Harold change his mind about the adoption.
Jude’s unresolved trauma only exacerbates his existing suffering. He’s so afraid of losing the people he has in his life that he distances himself from them. In a way, this (negative and self-destructive) coping mechanism operates much in the same way as Jude’s self-harm. He removes Harold and Julia from his life to reclaim agency over his life. He feels more in control and more stable if he decides to distance himself from them. The suffering this distance creates is hurtful, but it’s far less hurtful than the pain Jude would feel if Harold and Julia were to reject him and call off the adoption.
Themes
Jude had been nearly adopted once before in Montana, when he was 13. The narrative flashes back to Jude’s childhood in Montana. He and the other children are herded into a room at an adoption event to meet prospective parents. The older children know nobody will want them, so they sneak outside to smoke. The babies and toddlers need only be themselves. The kids in the in-between age plaster smiles on their faces, still hopeful that someone will want them. Jude has no strategy, though. He doesn’t try to impress any prospective adopters because he’s learned not to expect anything good to happen to him.
It seems that this childhood memory will contextualize some of the fears Jude is having about is adoption in the novel’s present. Note that, even at age 13, Jude has learned to expect the worst. He’s not even the oldest child at the adoption event (and therefore not the least desirable adoptee for prospective adoptive parents), yet he has already decided there’s no point to impressing anyone or getting his hopes up.
Themes
So, Jude is totally surprised when a couple—the Learys—express interest in him. He’s told he will “spend a probationary weekend” with the Learys the weekend before Thanksgiving. That weekend, a counselor named Boyd drives Jude to the Leary house. Boyd warns him not to mess up since it’s Jude’s last chance. Then, Jude goes to meet the Learys. The Learys have two grown daughters and want someone to help around the house. They picked Jude, they explain, because he seemed calm and well-mannered. The adoption agency also told them that he was a hard worker.
Even in the rare moments when people show young Jude acceptance, they do not show him love or compassion. Here, for instance, the Learys cite all the practical reasons they’ve selected Jude: he’s calm, well-mannered, and supposedly, a hard worker. With this, the Learys suggest that Jude must earn his keep. Their “devotion” to him, if one can call it this, is conditional: they want him if he can prove his usefulness to them, otherwise, they have little interest in him. Gradually, the novel reveals the many experiences that have given Jude intimacy issues and taught him to undervalue himself.
Themes
Mrs. Leary comments on Jude’s “unusual name” and asks if he’d be okay with them calling him something else, like Cody. Jude doesn’t care. That night, when Jude is alone, he repeats his new name in his head: Cody Leary. He dares to imagine a new life where he could leave all the shame and awfulness of the monastery behind him. The weekend passes. Jude tries to please the Learys, waking early to make them breakfast, and cleaning and fixing things around the house. The weekend passes by without incident, and before Boyd takes him away, Mrs. Leary insinuates that they’re going to go through with the adoption.
This scene, with its mention of the monastery, reminds readers that the novel still hasn’t revealed information about a critical part of Jude’s childhood: how he came to leave the monastery. At 13, he is living in a boys’ home, but it’s not clear how and when he got there. Perhaps this is because the circumstances of Jude’s departure are too painful for him to dwell on, even in passing memory. Also note another habit from the past that Jude has carried into the present: his willingness to adopt a new identity (i.e., becoming “Cody” Leary) if it means he can leave his past behind him. What little attachment Jude has to his name symbolically suggests that Jude’s many childhood traumas have potentially caused his identity to splinter.
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But weeks pass, and the Learys don’t call the boys’ home. Finally, Jude asks Boyd what happened. Boyd tells him that the Learys changed their mind, and Jude should accept that he's never going to be adopted. Anyway, he’ll be out of the home in three years, which isn’t a long time. Jude begs Boyd to tell him “what [he] did wrong” and give him a chance to do it better, but Boyd tells him that’s not how things work.
The Learys reject Jude, despite only giving indications that they were ready to adopt him. Boyd, cruelly, explains that their rejection is Jude’s fault. Both of these details help to contextualize and explain Jude’s present apprehension over Harold and Julia’s offer to adopt him. Though they do nothing but reassure him that they love him and want him to be part of their family, Jude’s experience with the Learys taught him that what people say often differs from what they do.
Themes
Back in the present, Jude anguishes over the upcoming adoption. Things are even harder without Willem here to calm him. He obsessively cleans the apartment to avoid cutting himself. Jude knows his cutting has gotten out of control. He imagines cutting himself down until only a skeleton remains. When he can’t clean anymore, he spends late nights in the office. He loses his appetite. He's seeing Andy once every six weeks again, and he’s put off his next appointment twice because afraid of what Andy will say about all his new cuts.
Jude’s seemingly counterintuitive reaction to Harold and Julia’s good news underscores the novel’s insistence that suffering is inevitable. Jude’s life has been so rife with pain, suffering, and disappointment, that he’s unable to enjoy the rare moment when something good does come his way. Instead, he anguishes over the real possibility that it’ll be taken away from him. Also note how Jude’s descent into acute despair corresponds with Willem’s absence. Willem’s friendship is one of Jude’s few sources of support and stability, and without it, he becomes unhinged and adrift.
Themes
When Jude finally sees Andy, Andy asks what Jude wants to address first: his extreme weight loss, or the cuts. After a pause, Jude admits that he’s afraid Harold will change his mind about the adoption. He thinks “the diseases [he] ha[s] from” the “things [he’s] done” will disgust Harold. Andy tells Jude he was just a kid when those things happened—they aren’t his fault. And even if he'd done these things as a consenting adult, STDs aren’t shameful.
Jude’s allusion to the shameful “things [he’s] done” offers more insight into his past. It’s unclear if Jude’s referring to sexual abuse he experienced at the monastery or something else. Either way, Andy’s (correct) response that Jude was a child when these things were done to him and, therefore, that Jude is blameless, falls on deaf ears. Jude’s broader position that STDs—regardless of how a person got them—are shameful suggests that Jude’s history of abuse extends to his views on sex in general. The novel has already noted that none of Jude’s friends have ever known him to have a romantic partner, and maybe this is because his past inhibits him from engaging in sexual intimacy.
Themes
Jude goes home and eats a banana, though it tastes horrible. Then he continues to clean obsessively, and then he cuts himself. The phone rings, and Jude is in so much pain from the cuts that he must crawl across the floor to retrieve it. It’s Andy. He tells Jude that he’s going to have him committed if Jude continues to hurt himself—and he’s going to tell Harold, too. The calmness of Andy’s tone triggers something in Jude, and Jude feels like he’s finally capable of taking Andy’s advice. He forces himself to eat, even though he doesn’t want to. He takes Andy’s midnight calls and takes Willem’s early morning calls.
Jude’s psychological issues are severe, but he has a strong network of professional and personal resources at his disposal to ensure that he takes care of himself and remains stable. Between Andy’s midnight calls and Willem’s early morning calls, Jude has people checking in on him around the clock. With this support, it seems hopeful that, against all odds, Jude might slowly start to heal from his unresolved trauma.
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Jude sees Andy on Friday. Andy isn’t happy that Jude hasn’t gained any weight back, but he isn’t too hard on him either. Then on Friday, Jude flies to Boston. He doesn’t tell anyone he’s going. He has a set of keys to Harold and Julia’s that Julia gave him years ago, and he lets himself in. Harold is shocked to see him and comments on Jude’s sickly appearance. Then he mentions how distant and strange Jude has been behaving lately. Jude lies about having the flu.
Jude’s impulsive trip to Boston suggests some progress. He’s been avoiding Harold and Julia since they first broached the subject of his adoption, but now he seems ready to bridge the distance he’s put between himself and his prospective parents. Maybe the support he’s gotten from Andy and Willem really has given Jude the strength to confront some of his inner demons—maybe he is beginning to heal.
Themes
Later, Jude tells Harold that he’s afraid Harold thinks he’s a better person than he really is—he’s done bad things that anyone would be ashamed of. But he doesn’t elaborate. Harold promises Jude that nothing he’s done could be bad enough for Harold to stop caring about him. In a way, Harold’s trust in him is harder to live with than if Harold would have just called off the adoption. Jude tells Harold he has to lie down. Harold understands.
Jude, for some reason, believes that he’s tricked Harold into believing he’s a good person when he’s really a despicable person. Given what little readers know about Jude’s final days in the monastery and all that happened afterward, it’s possible that Jude did do something bad. But given all that readers do know about Jude’s internalized sense of shame and self-hatred, it’s more likely that Jude is accepting blame for traumas for which he’s actually blameless.
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Jude goes to his room, collapses on his bed, and falls asleep. He sleeps for hours. Nothing can wake him. He dreams of a man in a field in Montana. He can’t see the man’s features, but he looks familiar. “Cody,” Jude calls out to the man. The man turns, but he’s too far away for Jude to see if the man has his face.
Jude’s dream is a question to himself. When he wonders if “Cody” has his face, he’s wondering if he’s managed to change from the person he used to be—the person the Learys rejected—or if he’s that same supposedly unwanted and unlovable boy.
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February 15 falls on a Friday. They make plans to have a celebratory lunch after the adoption. Harold wants to hire a caterer, but Jude says he’ll cook, and he spends all of Thursday baking and cooking—crab cakes, sourdough bread, tarte tatin, all things he knows Harold and Julia like. The last few days have been really hard for him. He even accepted Andy’s offer to meet up at a diner in the middle of the night. Jude has grown to enjoy his late-night phone calls with Andy, and he’s even invited Andy to the adoption. Andy opens up Jude about his life. Jude likes hearing more about Andy—it makes him feel that Andy is his friend, not his doctor. And Andy has confirmed that this is true.
Andy clearly is Jude’s friend, but Jude’s internalized shame and self-hatred prevents him from recognizing that his and Andy’s relationship goes beyond the realm of professional. Jude’s offer to cook for the celebratory lunch is kind, and it’s clear that he genuinely wants to show his appreciation to his soon-to-be adoptive parents. But at the same time, his extreme efforts to impress them mirror the way he tried to prove his worth to the Learys so many years before. So, it’s clear that Jude is still worried that Harold and Julia will change their minds about the adoption.
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All of Jude’s friends will attend his adoption, minus Willem, who’s in the middle of filming. When Jude arrives at Harold and Julia’s house, they’ve cleaned the house until it’s spotless—just for Jude. They don’t realize that his constant cleaning is a coping mechanism and has nothing to do with actual cleanliness.
That Harold and Julia mistake Jude’s cleaning for something he likes to do (rather than something he needs to do to quell his anxieties) just reaffirms Jude’s fear that his soon-to-be parents have no idea who he really is. So, once more, Jude’s self-hatred inhibits him from being happy about a kind gesture. Instead, Harold and Julia’s kindness becomes yet another source of anxiety, anguish, and self-doubt.
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While Julia is upstairs getting ready for the court appearance, Harold gives Jude a present: it’s his watch. Harold explains that his father gave it to him when he turned 30, and so now Harold is giving it to Jude—to his son. He’s even had in engraved with Jude’s initials, just beside Harold’s and Harold’s father’s initials. Jude doesn’t think he can accept such a generous gift, but Harold insists, and eventually Jude just thanks him. Then, Malcolm and JB arrive, interrupting the moment. Andy arrives next, followed by Gillian. Then the doorbell rings. Jude wonders who it could be. Then he opens the door and sees Willem standing there. He stares a moment, but before he can say anything, Willem lunges at Jude and hugs him. Jude is so happy he can’t speak.
A watch is a traditional gift for a father to give his son. This richly symbolic gesture is made more meaningful by Harold’s decision to engrave the watch with Jude’s initials. Not only does Harold’s gesture symbolize his dedication to Jude (and his seriousness about becoming Jude’s father), but it also shows that he sees adopting Jude as a second chance at all the things he lost out on when Jacob died. The adoption also gives Jude a chance at reinvention through his connection to his new family. Meanwhile, Jude’s palpable joy upon seeing Willem reaffirms their special friendship. The earlier chapter, which Harold narrates, hints that Jude and Willem’s friendship will eventually blossom into a romance, and this scene adds fuel to this speculation.
Themes
Everyone heads to the appeals court, and inside Laurence’s courtroom, they make the adoption official. JB takes their picture and they return to Harold’s house to celebrate. Friends and strangers reach out to hug and congratulate Jude, and he lets them. By early evening, everyone has left. It’s just Jude, Harold, Julie, and Jude’s friends. JB gifts Harold and Julia a painting of Jude. Everyone says it’s beautiful, but Jude has a hard time separating the beautiful painting from his actual face, which he hates. Then Willem presents his gift: it’s a wooden statue of a bearded man in blue hooded robes—Saint Jude, Willem explains. He got it in an antiques store in Bucharest.
When Jude lets his happy, celebrating friends hug him, it’s a sign that, perhaps, things are looking up for Jude: that he has it in himself to accept people’s kindnesses and heal from his past traumas. At the same time, Jude’s inability to appreciate his own face in the beautiful painting JB presents to Harold shows that Jude’s self-hatred runs deep and isn’t something that can be fixed overnight, or through symbolic gestures like this adoption ceremony.
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Harold admires the statue. He asks about the wreath of fire on Jude’s head. Willem explains that it’s to show that Jude—an apostle—was at Pentecost and received Christ. Julia interjects, adding that Saint Jude is “[t]he patron saint of lost causes.” She thanks Willem for the gift. Jude brought a gift, a CD of himself singing classical music, but he thinks it’s silly and inadequate next to the other gifts. Harold is always asking Jude to sing, but Jude is always too shy and self-conscious. He’s still feeling self-conscious now, so instead of handing the CD to Harold, he secretly places it between books on Harold’s bookcase, where it might not be noticed for years.
Julia’s remark about Saint Jude—Jude’s namesake—being “[t]he patron saint of lost causes” casts an ominous tone on this otherwise joyful scene, foreshadowing, perhaps, Jude’s ultimate inability to heal from his past traumas. This has been one of the novel’s central questions: is Jude capable of healing and redemption, or is he beyond help—a lost cause? Can a person become so lost that they are beyond rescuing? Jude’s CD leaves this an open question. On the one hand, he clearly wants to heal and grow more comfortable with Harold—if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have done this vulnerable thing of recording himself singing for Harold to hear. On the other hand, his decision to hide the CD shows that he still has many fears and psychological defense mechanisms that prevent him from acting on this desire to connect and recover.
Themes
Then, it’s time for bed. Willem and Jude share a room so they can catch up. When they turn off the lights to sleep, Willem mentions that their apartment is very, very clean—were things really so bad? Jude apologizes but admits that the past several weeks were hard for him. And he missed Willem horribly. Willem admits that he missed Jude, too.
Willem, unlike Harold and Julia, knows Jude well enough to recognize the clean apartment as a calling card of Jude’s pathological cleaning and an indicator of Jude’s emotional unrest. This scene is further evidence of Jude and Willem’s special bond.
Themes
The Saturday that Jude returns to New York from Boston, he goes to Felix’s house for their usual tutoring sessions. Mr. Baker tells Jude that Felix will be going away for school next year, and Jude mentions this to Felix during their lesson. Felix seems indifferent about it. Then, feeling suddenly empathetic, Jude turns to Felix and tells him that he never had friends, either—but he does now. And it’ll happen for Felix someday, too. The secret to friends, Jude tells Felix, is to find people who are better than him—and then to be grateful for all he learns from them. Because friends can teach you about yourself, and this is the hardest—but most rewarding—lesson a person can learn. Felix smiles. Then they begin their tutoring session.
Jude’s advice about friends and the way they can help a person learn more about themselves is well-intentioned but a little concerning. It reveals how Jude’s friendships—the only things that keep him afloat and grounded—are in separable from his internalized self-hatred. In so many words, he’s saying that his friends keep him in check, reminding him through their goodness and generosity how undeserving Jude is. Again, Jude’s friends offer him support and stability, but Jude’s remarks in this passage show that this support isn’t quite powerful enough to change Jude’s negative perception of himself.
Themes
