A Little Life: Part 5: The Happy Years: Chapter 3 Summary & Analysis

Willem realizes that while a relationship can offer respite from many of life’s hardships, it will never be a catch-all solution. Everybody is broken or hurting in one way or another, and so everyone is limited in their means to alleviate all suffering in others and in themselves. One step toward feeling fulfilled, then, is to accept the necessity of compromise. Willem forgoes sex with Jude in order to alleviate Jude’s suffering. In turn, Jude forgoes exclusivity in their relationship so that Willem can satisfy his physical needs elsewhere. It’s not perfect, but the novel has repeatedly shown that life is never perfect nor rational.

Willem’s memory of the college play underscores the idea that no relationship is perfect and powerful enough to give a person everything they need to feel fulfilled and free from suffering. Relationships alleviate suffering and loneliness—but they don’t eliminate them entirely. A person has to decide what’s important to them and go from there. And this is exactly what Willem and his friends have done: Malcolm has chosen reliability; Willem has chosen friendship; JB has chosen ambition. What Jude has chosen remains a little murky, but perhaps it is enough that he has chosen to live.  

This passage marks another key moment in the development of Willem and Jude’s relationship. Now, Willem is more focused on meeting Jude where he’s at and making their relationship work , rather than trying to “fix” Jude. It’s crucial that Jude has admitted that he’s ill. For so long, he’s been too ashamed of his body and his past reclaim ownership of them, but confronting these things is an essential step in the healing process. 

Compromise in relationships only works if it goes both ways; Willem laughs off Jude’s admission in the moment, but it’s possible that Jude’s resistance to therapy will create problems for the couple somewhere down the line. For now, though, Willem is content to accept Jude as he is, do what he can to help him, and take things one day at a time. He’s focusing on all that he and Jude have instead of all that they lack. 

In a way, the reality of Jude’s declining physical health seems to help Willem be more practical about Jude’s mental health—Willem is no more capable of healing Jude’s mind than his legs, and this is okay. The homes Willem and Jude build together often symbolize the status of their relationship; the flat, thus, symbolizes Willem’s decision to accept Jude as he is and adjust his own life to accommodate Jude’s needs.

It's easy for Willem to fall into the trap of oversimplifying Jude’s condition. He wants to believe that a good day is irrefutable evidence that Jude is getting better—that they mean the bad days are forever behind them. But Jude’s trauma runs deep, comes in waves, and is far too complicated for Willem to make sense of on his own. At any rate, Willem seems to have settled on a balance between pragmatism and hopefulness regarding his future with Jude and Jude’s capacity to heal.

Willem raises a complicated question: is it appropriate to compare Jude’s mental health issues to Hemming’s terminal illness? Is wanting to prolong Hemming’s physical suffering as immoral as wanting to prolong Jude’s psychological suffering? Willem seems to think so. Willem’s recollection of Jude’s suicide on this otherwise happy day also shows that Willem is always worried that Jude might attempt suicide again—that Jude’s mental health is more precarious than Willem’s optimism in this chapter’s opening passage might have made it seem.  

Forced to use his wheelchair more frequently these days, it’s becoming harder for Jude to ignore his illness the way he used to. And his visit with Andy implies that Jude shouldn’t expect many improvements from this point forward: as Andy has warned Jude all along, Jude’s condition will only grow worse with age.   

This scene plants some doubt in the reader’s mind regarding the how stable Willem and Jude’s relationship is. Thus far, it’s seemed that they’ve settled into a rhythm that, while not ideal, works for both of them. But the fact that Willem can publicly call Jude his “best friend” and the “love of [his] life”—but Jude can’t bring himself to appear at Willem’s awards ceremony—suggests that things aren’t quite so harmonious as they seem. 

Frog and Toad, an illustrated children’s series, follows the antics of best friends Frog and Toad. Frog is (for a frog) conventionally handsome and charming, whereas Toad is comparatively homely and curmudgeonly. In declaring himself Toad, Jude is expressing his fear that he’s not good enough for Willem, and that Willem might one day recognize this and abandon Jude. Jude’s fear of experiencing future hurt, though, prevents him from fully enjoying the happiness he has with Willem in the present. 

Even though Jude has already confided in Willem about his childhood sexual abuse, he hasn’t made peace with his past himself. That Jude feels he behaved shamefully, presumably referring to sex acts he was forced to perform as a minor, shows that he can’t yet identify as a victim of sexual abuse. He still blames himself for the bad things that happened to him. The illicit photograph Jude receives in the mail symbolizes Jude’s inability to reinvent himself entirely. That he receives the photo at work shows Jude that all the time, wealth, and professional success combined won’t ever erase the past.  

All at once, whatever progress Jude has made these past few months comes crashing down: Jude’s physical health drastically declines, and he stops going to therapy (though his admission about not talking in his sessions suggests that he’s never taken therapy very seriously in the first place).

Jude, despite Andy’s repeated warnings to the contrary, seems to hold out hope that some miracle will happen and his legs will stop getting worse, even if they don’t get better. It's another way for him to deny the reality—or at least, the severity—of his condition. If Jude undergoes a leg amputation, though, he’ll have no more illusions about his capacity to heal. He’ll have to accept his disability in a very serious way—something he’s never done before.

Jude’s refusal to go to the hospital despite his high fever shows that he’s in denial; his poor health is likely the result of his leg infection, but if he accepts this, he’ll have to accept the inevitability of amputation, and he’s not yet ready to do this. He’s not ready to let his disability—and the traumatic experience that caused it—define who he is.

Jude’s rapidly declining physical health, combined with a fever, combined with his lingering fear that everyone he loves might one day leave him, results in this nightmarish hallucination in which Harold lunges at Jude as though to attack and violate him. It’s clear that Jude is putting his life at risk by putting off the amputation, yet he can’t bring himself to do it.

Willem’s refusal to play along with his and Jude’s old “Hotel Contractor” joke reflects the seriousness of Jude’s condition—and Jude’s inability to accept the seriousness of his condition himself. Is this a typical case of Jude minimizing the parts of himself he’s ashamed of, or is something more serious going on, such as another plan to attempt suicide? Recall that in the days leading up to Jude’s earlier suicide attempt, he felt optimistic and relieved (this is a common warning sign in people at-risk for suicide).

Recall that Andy has never approved of Jude’s frequent walks, even a decade ago, when Jude was much stronger and stabler than he is now. Thus, it’s clearly a bad idea for Jude to go for a walk, and Jude likely knows this. So, why does he insist on walking anyway? Could he really be so in denial about his condition? Is it so painful to acknowledge that he has a disability? Is he trying to overexert himself until he dies?

For a while, Willem seemed committed to taking a step back from micromanaging Jude’s health and accepting Jude as he is. When he forces a pill in Jude’s mouth, then, it shows that a shift has occurred: Willem no longer trusts Jude to know his limits and take care of himself. He’s worried that Jude is barreling toward total destruction, and this is his way of, as before, begging Jude to stay. 

Jude’s denial of his disability is a coping mechanism he developed to try to work through the trauma of the attack. It’s comparable to his self-harm: in continuing to think of himself as able-bodied, Jude can reclaim the legs he effectively lost when Dr. Traylor ran him over in his car. Now that Jude sees how this coping mechanism is effecting Willem, perhaps he’ll finally be ready to live with his disability in a healthier manner.       

Jude’s response to Andy and Willem’s speech will determine whether or not Jude is ready to come to terms with his disability. If he refuses to amputate, he’s putting his health—not to mention Willem’s emotional wellbeing—at risk. If he agrees to amputate, it shows that he’s making progress in his long journey to make peace with himself and his childhood trauma. 

From a practical standpoint, amputation is the obvious solution to Jude’s current health problems. But symbolically, Jude’s decision marks a major development in his journey to confront his childhood trauma and live with the person he’s become. 

This scene with Willem pleading with Jude not to leave him recalls the aftermath of Jude’s suicide, in which Jude pled with Willem to let him die, but Willem wouldn’t let him. Once more, Willem is pleading with Jude not to leave him. These parallel scenes reinforce how little progress Jude has made over the past few years, and what little power Willem’s love has to heal Jude.     

Another Thanksgiving comes and goes. Jude’s tearful thanks to Willem suggests that at least some part of Jude is happy that Willem has fought so furiously to keep him alive. Though Jude’s recovery is harder than he anticipated, he is recovering, and his pain is growing less severe. All in all, Jude’s prospects look good: he's surrounded by friends who love him, and he’s undergone a procedure he was horribly afraid of and come out on top. But will Jude’s relative happiness and stability last, or will they eventually give way to suffering and agony, as has happened so many times before?

Willem encourages Jude to consider his identity in a new, more positive light: Jude isn’t lesser because he “w[as] treated horribly.” He’s the same person he’s always been, and the mere fact of his existence is proof of his strength, not his brokenness. 

Willem’s exercise in retrospectively grouping his life into eras illustrates how critically self-reflection and self-invention factor into a person’s identity, or, in this case, the cumulative meaning of their life. That work keeps Willem and Jude’s close-knit group of friends apart reinforces the idea that ambition often forces a person to sacrifice other important aspects of life, such as friendship. Lantern House, though, is a place they can go to escape the pressures of work and life, figuratively and literally.

Jude’s recovery from his amputation, which was the opposite of “predictable and progressive,” speaks to the illogical, unfair nature of human suffering and the fragility of human life. As Willem recalls the events of “The Awful Years,” it reminds the reader of all that Willem and Jude have been through together and of Willem’s tireless dedication to Jude. And the journey Jude undergoes during those years, from near-death to walking more naturally than he did before the amputation, marks the most significant (if not strictly linear) period of progress Jude has had yet. Perhaps, as this section’s title suggests, these will be “The Happy Years” for Willem and Jude after all.

That Jude doesn’t attempt to walk the pilgrimage in his condition shows that he’s grown more accepting of his disability since his amputation. Plus, he’s able to live vicariously through Willem, whose sweet gesture of picking up pebbles to bring back to Jude reaffirms his commitment to supporting Jude through thick and thin.

The Alhambra is a palace located in Granada, Spain. Its construction began in the early-13th century, and it’s one of the most well-known examples of Islamic architecture. Throughout the novel, houses have symbolized the life that Jude and Willem have built together. That they celebrate Willem’s 51st birthday in such a majestic fortress symbolizes the strength and magnitude of their devotion to each other. Malcolm’s book adds another layer of significance, acting as an homage to their friendship. It's notable that JB isn’t included in this special occasion, though, suggesting that their relationship has never quite gotten back to where it used to be. 

Sex is still a difficult subject for Willem and Jude. Willem’s attitude toward it has shifted over the years, though. Now, he’s less upset about how Jude’s intimacy issues affect their relationship. Instead, he’s sad to think of everything that Jude’s abusers have prevented Jude from discovering about himself.

Throughout the novel, Jude’s periods of hopefulness are repeatedly dashed by horrific incidents of abuse, betrayal, and tragedy. Thus, Jude’s worry that Willem might be “tempting fate” by daring to call their present era “The Happy Years” is indeed warranted—though of course, in the world of the novel, there is no such thing as fate, only arbitrary, relentless suffering. Rudolf Nureyev was a celebrated Soviet-born ballet dancer, regarded by many to be the most influential of his generation. He died in his 50s of HIV/AIDS. With its mention of cell phones, the novel seems to take place after the AIDS crisis (though notably, the novel contains no references to years or other cultural/historical events), but Jude’s poetic ruminations about Nureyev’s final years being happy despite his illness certainly mirrors Jude’s own life.  

The novel continues to foreshadow someone’s death, though it’s unclear who will die, Willem or Jude. The way that Willem-as-Nureyev manipulates his facial expression to recognize—and then to reject—the realization that he will die certainly mirrors Jude’s own struggle to come to terms with his disability.

This scene reverses Willem and Jude’s typical roles: Willem is the one is self-conscious of his body, while Jude is the one who notes his partner’s many “surprises, even all these years later[.]” This scene frames Willem’s capacity to surprise Jude as a good thing: it’s a nod to the complicated but rewarding experience of getting to know somebody and sharing a life with them.  

Jude’s secrets are different from Willem’s. They’re not delightful bits of information Willem has yet to stumble upon—they’re “real” details Jude has purposefully and shamefully kept hidden from Willem. But even Jude’s secrets don’t seem to matter as much as they once did. And the most important thing to Willem is that Jude is making an effort to share more of his life with him, even if this only happens a little bit at a time.

The novel seems to have been foreshadowing a death since the start of this chapter. Houses—and Lantern House, in particular—symbolize Willem and Jude’s changing relationship and the life they’ve built together. It seems significant, then, that Jude should be alone in the house near the end of this chapter. It’s plausible that his aloneness foreshadows his and Willem’s imminent separation.

Willem is flung from the car. The most important people in his life, Hemming and Jude, flash before his eyes, so it’s safe to assume that Willem has died. Up until now, the novel has taken the form of a slow, relentless dirge toward Jude’s death, and so it’s a huge twist that Willem precedes Jude in death. Also note that it’s Hemming’s face, not Jude’s, that Willem sees last. This might suggest that Willem’s failure to save Hemming has been the defining moment of his life, and that all of Willem’s subsequent efforts to save Jude have been a response to that initial moment. It also resonates with the idea that though a person might reinvent themselves and gain new experiences and travel to faraway places, they never really escape the formative experiences from their youth.