Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in A Little Life, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Trauma
Identity
Success and Happiness
Friendship and Human Connection
Pain and Suffering
Summary
Analysis
This section is told from Harold’s first-person perspective. He describes the onset of Jacob’s illness. When Jacob is four, Harold and Liesl notice that something is wrong. It’s October, and Jacob has started to tire easily. One of his teachers thinks he must be coming down with something. Harold carries Jacob to the car, and when they get home, Jacob seems a little better. That night, Harold tells Liesl what the teacher said, but they don’t think much of it. But things get exponentially worse from that point forward; at Thanksgiving dinner at Harold’s parents’ house, Jacob has a seizure. Harold’s father calls a friend at New York Presbyterian, and they admit Jacob right away.
As in the earlier chapter he narrated, Harold doesn’t explicitly introduce himself as the narrator, but it’s possible to discern through context clues that the narrator is, indeed, Harold. Here, the reader gets more background information about the tragic circumstances of Jacob’s death. Knowing the full story will, perhaps, help the reader to understand why Harold is so invested in forming a relationship with and helping Jude: because he failed to do these things with Jacob so many years before.
Themes
They return home once Jacob is stable, and Liesl contacts Jacob’s pediatrician—a friend from med school—to set up appointments with the best specialists. Jacob undergoes countless invasive tests and scans, but nobody can determine what’s wrong. Eventually, Jacob is diagnosed with Nishihara syndrome, a rare neurodegenerative disease. By this point, Jacob is practically blind. And by the time he’s five, he’s blind and likely deaf. The seizures worsen. Most drugs don’t work, and the one that does causes Jacob agonizing pain.
Harold’s narrative describes Jacob’s swift decline in sharp, excruciating detail. It’s comparable to the sharp, excruciating detail with which the novel describes Jude’s episodes of self-harm. In both cases, these details force the reader to confront the reality of Jude, Harold, and Jacob’s suffering closely and frankly. The reader has no choice but to feel the full weight of characters’ suffering. This mirrors the book’s stance on suffering: in the book, as in life, there is no way to fully avoid suffering. It’s a fundamental and inescapable aspect of the human experience.
Themes
Harold can’t focus on work. On campus, he hears students bemoaning their problems, like breakups and bad grades, and he hates how self-absorbed and petty they are. By September, the doctor tells Harold and Liesl that Jacob will die soon. Jacob’s limbs have grown floppy from disuse. Harold thinks he’s being punished for not wanting Jacob enough when he first learned that Liesl was pregnant with him.
Harold’s (likely superstitious) belief that he’s being punished for not wanting Jacob more when they first learned of Liesl’s pregnancy gets at the problematic belief that suffering (and happiness) are deserved: that a person who suffers is being punished, and that a person who is happy is being rewarded. In reality, though, there are no explanations for Jacob’s illness and death: it’s simply something tragic and unfair that Jacob, Harold, and Liesl must endure.
Themes
Jacob’s illness makes Harold think about parenthood. Everyone thinks it’s enough for their kids to be “happy, and healthy” but they really want their kids to be “better”—and it’s impossible to imagine “that they might be worse.” When Jacob first became sick, Liesl immediately made plans for how they could give Jacob the best life possible in light of his condition—how they could find ways for him to retain some independence. At the time, this angered Harold: he thought Liesl was giving up on Jacob too easily. Now, he sees that she was right: “she was adjusting to the fact that the child she thought she would have was not the child she did have.” Harold now sees it was foolish of him to assume that Jacob would get better.
Harold now sees his steadfast belief in Jacob’s ability to recover as flawed and unrealistic. This should make the reader question from what point in time Harold is delivering this monologue (or letter, or speech—it’s not clear to whom Harold is speaking in these first-person chapters, or in what context), since Harold seems to apply the same misguided thinking to Jude and Jude’s unresolved trauma. As with Jacob, Harold seems convinced that Jude can and will recover from his psychological problems, if only Harold can love Jude enough. In the world of the novel, though, sometimes a person is beyond help.
Themes
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Harold was 32 when Jacob was born, and he’s 37 when he dies—less than a year after that first seizure. A year after Jacob’s death, Harold and Liesl discuss whether they should have another child, but they fight a lot. Eventually, their grief destroys their marriage, and they divorce. They don’t speak for a long time afterward. Liesl moves to Portland, and Harold meets Julia. Sixteen years pass, and Liesl and Harold meet for dinner when Liesl is in town for a conference. Liesl has married and had another child. Harold tells Liesl about Jude, and Liesl can tell that Harold loves him. When they part ways after dinner that evening, they stay in touch only sporadically, reaching out every time they see young men who look how they imagine Jacob would have looked, if he’d lived.
The dissolution of Harold and Liesl’s marriage following Jacob’s death reaffirms the book’s central premise: that there is some pain too severe to heal from. Just as Jacob could not heal from his illness, Harold and Liesl’s marriage couldn’t survive the strain and heartache of Jacob’s death. Harold implicitly equates Jude to Liesl’s second child, further supporting the theory that Harold sees Jude as a second chance to protect and save a son. He seems haunted by the (unfair) guilt that he let Jacob down in some way, though, of course, there was nothing that Harold or Liesl could do to save Jacob.
Themes
Harold loves Julia. She’s a scientist, just like Liesl. But what he had with Liesl was “deeper” and “more profound” because they’d created a life together—and then they watched it suffer and die. After Julia and Harold decide to adopt Jude, Harold asks Laurence what he thinks about it. Laurence is wary—how much does Harold really know about Jude? Not much, Harold must admit, but he has discerned that something, at some point, must have gone wrong in Jude’s life. Harold’s suspicion is confirmed the first summer Jude and his friends join them in Truro—JB confronts Harold in secret to ask him not to ask Jude any more questions about his past. Nobody knows for sure, JB says, but they suspect he was physically—and possibly even sexually—abused.
That watching Jacob die together means that Harold and Liesl will always have a special relationship underscores how some pain and suffering is too great to heal from. Harold’s admission about Truro solves a mystery for which Jude doesn’t yet have an answer: it was JB who told Harold about Jude’s traumatic (but mysterious) past, and this is why Harold stopped asking Jude so many questions.
Themes
A month before they finalize the adoption, Andy calls Harold and explains that Jude’s been having a hard time. The next day, Harold contacts Laurence to see if he can find out anything about Jude in the state’s juvenile records. Harold has convinced himself that he doesn’t care about Jude’s past, but he realizes now that this was naïve of him, for Jude’s past has made him the person he is today. Laurence doesn’t find anything, and the adoption goes through as planned. Harold is immensely happy and has no regrets. But it isn’t easy to be Jude’s parent—Harold can see that somebody in Jude’s past taught him that he doesn’t deserve happiness.
This passage shows that Jude never had to worry that Harold would change his mind about the adoption if he ever found out the truth about Jude. Instead, Harold accepted that Jude had had a troubled past, and this wouldn’t change the way Harold thought of him. Harold clearly wants to know what happened to Jude, but it’s not to judge Jude: it’s so that Harold can better help Jude to heal. Harold recognizes that Jude has learned to believe that he’s undeserving of happiness or love, and he seems to accept that it’s one of his responsibilities, as a parent, to change this.
Themes
Harold remembers Jude as a gentle person who was never angry or sarcastic. After Jude drops off Harold after the run-in with Caleb at the restaurant, Harold paces around his apartment and anguishes not over the things Caleb said to Jude—but the fact that Jude so clearly believed that these things were true. He feels that he’s failed Jude as a parent. Following Julia’s advice, Harold goes to see Jude the next day. When he rings the buzzer at Jude’s apartment, Jude hesitates before telling Harold he could come up—but only if he promises not to get upset. When Harold sees Jude, he’s horrified to find Jude collapsed on the floor, horribly beaten. Jude explains that Caleb took a spare set of keys and was waiting for him at the apartment last night. Harold frantically calls Andy, who agrees to see Jude at his office in 20 minutes.
The way Harold refers to Jude in this passage is curious: he remembers Jude as being a gentle person. Harold’s use of the past tense implies that Jude is no longer in Harold’s life—or perhaps that Jude is no longer living at all. This might foreshadow Jude’s eventual death. It also gives the reader more insight into when Harold is delivering this address: it’s at some point in the future, after everything with Caleb has happened. And this also gives insight into the events that unfolded following Caleb’s attack, which the novel has yet to address. Finally, Harold’s admission about feeling that he’d failed Jude supports the theory that in Jude, Harold sees a second chance to protect and save a son—though, at least in Harold’s mind, he’s failing yet again at this task.
Themes
At Andy’s office, Harold speaks with Andy privately and fills him in on Caleb. They both feel stupid and ashamed that they believed Jude’s lies that his injuries were from tennis. While Andy goes with Jude to the hospital to get X-rays, Harold returns to Jude’s apartment to clean up. Besides the mess that Caleb caused—Jude’s vomit, the clawed-off clothes—the apartment is strikingly clean. The place looks like “an advertisement for an enviable life.” Harold calls Jude’s boss, Lucien, and lies that Jude has been in a car accident and will be in the hospital for some time. Then he calls a locksmith to have all the locks changed. Harold wants Caleb arrested, but he knows this won’t happen if Jude—Caleb’s victim—refuses to press charges.
Jude’s refusal to press charges against Caleb symbolically reflects his inner shame. He doesn’t think he can legitimately press charges against Caleb because he doesn’t see himself as a victim—he sees himself as deserving of Caleb’s abuse. Likewise, Harold’s vehement desire to protect Jude, again, might be seen as a reflection of Harold’s own unresolved trauma: Harold is trying to save Jude because he wasn’t able to save Jacob. And, once again, Harold is realizing that some problems can’t be fixed, and some people can’t be saved.
Themes
Harold continues to clean. He goes to the bathroom and finds Jude’s hidden bag of razors and cotton pads—he knew he’d find it there, because, seven years ago, he found the same bag hidden under the sink at his house in Truro. He didn’t know that Jude cut himself then, but when he found the bag, he instinctively knew what it was for. When he confronted Jude about the bag, Jude apologized—which angered Harold. Later that night, Jude explained that the cutting was a way for him “to make physical” the shame and anguish he felt on the inside. Jude paused, and then he told Harold that he could absolve the adoption if he wanted. That night, Harold threw away every sharp object he could find. And since then, every time he goes to Greene Street, he throws away Jude’s hidden bag, even though Jude always replaces it.
In this passage, Jude—through Harold—offers more insight into why he self-harms: “to make physical” the pain and shame he feels on the inside, feelings caused (presumably) by his unresolved trauma. Another important detail here is Harold’s repeated efforts to curb Jude’s self-harm by removing Jude’s hidden bag of razors and cotton pads. Harold continues to throw away the bag, even though he knows Jude will just replace it with a new one. Harold, in this way, shows that he’s somewhat aware of the futility of his efforts to help/save Jude. All the same, he feels obligated—morally, and as a father and friend—to at least try to stop Jude from cutting himself.
Themes
Harold tries repeatedly to discuss the cutting with Jude, but it’s always a failure. Nobody knows what to do, or what advice to give Jude. “You [Willem] were the one who got furthest with him,” observes Harold. Harold knows that his audience (Willem) blames himself, just as Harold blames himself, for Jude’s failure to get better.
In Harold’s initial first-person address, he was speaking with Willem, so it’s reasonable to assume that he’s speaking with Willem again in this chapter. And, that the person to whom Harold is speaking “w[as] the one who got furthest with [Jude]” further supports this theory, since, so far, Willem seems to be Jude’s closest friend, and the person Jude trusts the most. Also note: Harold’s remark about blaming himself for Jude’s failure to get better further supports the theory that Jude has died by the time Harold is narrating this section. Harold’s blame, too, shows that Harold has yet to understand that not all pain and suffering can be alleviated—that some wounds are too deep to heal from.
Themes
The night after Caleb’s beating, Andy calls Harold to say that Jude is asleep in the examination room. He’s mended Jude’s many broken bones. Harold will need to clean and dress the wounds on Jude’s back every day, though Jude will likely resist this. Andy also gives Harold painkillers to give to Jude, which Jude will also resist. Andy and Harold both feel like they’d kill Caleb if given the chance.
It's understandable that Harold and Andy would be furious with Caleb, given the extent of Jude’s injuries and their deep feelings for Jude. At the same time, though, their anger betrays their shared misconception about the nature of pain, suffering, and deserving. They seem to believe that bad people deserve suffering and good people deserve happiness and justice. But in reality, the world doesn’t work this way, and it’s not always fair who suffers and who doesn’t.
Themes
Jude and Harold return to Greene Street and Jude crawls into bed. Harold follows him into the bedroom, and Jude apologizes profusely for yelling at Harold the night before. Harold tells Jude it’s not his fault. He pauses, and then he asks Jude if Jude was sexually abused when he was a child. “Jesus, Harold,” Jude says after a long pause. He doesn’t answer the question, but Harold knows the answer anyway. He reminds Jude that nothing is his fault. Willem calls Jude later that night, but Harold picks up the phone and lies that Jude had been in a minor car accident.
Even in his lowest moment, when one would expect Jude might have nothing left to lose and finally confide in Harold about his past, he refuses to be forthcoming about whatever happened to him as a child. Harold can sense the truth anyway—that Jude was sexually abused—but Jude can’t bring himself to voice this truth aloud. Jude’s silence conveys Jude’s lasting sense of shame about his past. Harold urges him to see that nothing is his fault, but Jude remains unwilling to believe this.
Themes
Harold stays with Jude the rest of the week. Jude obediently takes his pills, and he sleeps a lot. Willem calls every night. Jude’s friends visit him, and Lucien comes, too. He tells Harold how he admired Jude is at the firm, and Harold feels proud. It’s the same pride he felt, so many years ago, when Jacob’s preschool teachers praised his abilities with clay. By the time it’s time for Harold to return to Cambridge on Monday, Jude looks much better. Harold promises to return on Thursday, after he’s done teaching for the week. Jude protests, but Harold doesn’t listen. By the time Willem returns in November, Jude has regained some of the weight he lost.
When Harold compares the pride he feels at Lucien praising Jude to the pride he felt when Jacob’s teacher praised Jacob, it’s further proof that Harold sees Jude as a second chance to raise and protect a son. This, too, explains why Harold is so adamant about making sure he’s there physically for Jude. The nature of Jacob’s disease limited all Harold could do to save Jacob, but Harold has the power to be there for Jude now, and he seems determined to do all he can to help Jude.
Themes
They have that year’s Thanksgiving at Harold’s house in New York so Jude won’t have to travel, though he’s able to walk now. Harold remembers the day he found out Jude used a wheelchair. It was shortly after Harold discovered the bag. He asked Jude why he’d kept the chair from him and explained that it would never change how he thought of Jude. But it had—it reminded Harold how little he really knew about Jude.
Knowing about Jude’s wheelchair did change Harold’s opinion of Jude—but not in the way Jude expected. Instead of feeling disgusted by or pitying of Jude, Harold seems to have felt sad to realize that Jude was no more forthcoming with Harold that he had been in the earliest days of their relationship. The distance remains constant between them—it doesn’t shrink or improve.
Themes
Years later, Harold will realize how much the incident with Caleb affected Jude. It made him into a new person. Before Caleb entered Jude’s life, Jude was in a period of healing. But afterward, he began to deteriorate. Harold sees now that Jude “had decided that Caleb was right, that he was disgusting,” and that he had chosen to believe Caleb over his friends. When things get really bad, Harold will wonder if he could’ve said or done any more.
These closing remarks are rather ominous; Harold is implying that from Caleb’s abuse onward, Jude’s life begins a downward slope—one that, presumably, ends with Jude’s death. Thus, all Harold’s hopes that Jude might one day get better are dashed. And yet, despite this knowledge, Harold continues to blame himself for Jude’s demise, implying that Harold continues to believe that all maladies can be fixed—that no trauma is too painful to overcome.
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