Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Family, Responsibility, and Growing Up
Love and Fear
Social Structure, Reputation, and High School
Lies vs. Honesty
Summary
Analysis
The next morning, before Daddy and Kitty come downstairs, Lara Jean points out that they’re going to be very upset that Margot broke up with Josh. Margot sighs that Josh isn’t going to be coming over often once Margot leaves for Scotland anyway. Lara Jean watches closely as Margot makes coffee—Lara Jean will have to learn how to do it. Margot suggests that she just won’t tell Kitty and Daddy.
Telling Margot about how upset Daddy and Kitty will be about the breakup is a way for Lara Jean to try to pressure Margot into going against her own desires and prioritizing what will make the rest of her family happy. But Margot is becoming more independent, which is why she suggests not even sharing the news.
Themes
To Lara Jean, it felt like a betrayal when Margot decided to attend college in Scotland. She saw it coming, but still. Lara Jean is still a bit mad, especially since they promised they’d be the three Song girls forever. Margot is first, Lara Jean is in the middle, and Kitty (Katherine on her birth certificate) is last. There used to be four Song girls, when Mommy was still alive. Song was Mommy’s maiden name. Margot and Lara Jean look more Korean, like Mommy; Kitty looks more like Daddy. Mommy died six years ago, when she slipped and hit her head after mopping and never woke up. Twelve-year-old Margot found Mommy and called 911, while 10-year-old Lara Jean looked out for three-year-old Kitty.
Margot’s choice to go to school in Scotland feels like a betrayal to Lara Jean, which again emphasizes how close the sisters are. This is also made clear by the origin of the “four Song girls.” The sisters’ close relationship isn’t just because they love one another; staying close with one another is also a way to keep Mommy’s memory alive. Mommy’s death also catapulted Margot and Lara Jean into more adult, caregiving roles, long before the girls were legal adults.
Themes
People often wonder how Daddy does it as a single dad of three girls. Margot is the answer; she’s an organizer and a good girl. Daddy tries his best, and the girls have an unspoken pact to make things as easy as possible for Daddy. Lara Jean sometimes wonders what it’d be like if Mommy hadn’t died, but Margot doesn’t see the point in those thought exercises.
Lara Jean and her sisters have had to grow up very fast because of Mommy’s death. Margot now seems to function as a mother to her younger sisters, and she’s been in that role since she was 12 years old. She reads as more mature and pragmatic than Lara Jean by refusing to engage in thought exercises about what might have been.
Themes
When Daddy and Kitty come downstairs, Margot and Lara Jean get them coffee and breakfast. Kitty is still ignoring Lara Jean. When Daddy says he’s going to Costco later and asks if he should get enough dinner food for Josh, Margot just tells him no.
Again, Margot and Lara Jean are shown to be caregivers in their family, as they prepare breakfast for Daddy and Kitty. They share the household workload with their father, essentially stepping into the role of the mother they lost.
Themes
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