Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in This Is How It Always Is, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Gender and Binaries
Secrets and Misunderstanding
Violence and Discrimination
Storytelling
Family
Summary
Analysis
As Penn manages another bedtime, he herds the children into Roo’s room for storytime. As they climb into bed, Ben tells Claude that his hair smells like bananas. It is the tear-free stuff, Claude says, and Ben tells him that he should just learn to close his eyes, then he can use “big-boy” soap. “I don’t want to be a big boy,” Claude says. The boys begin to fight and bicker, and Penn stops them. It is storytime, he says, and then bedtime. Grumwald is about to meet the night fairies, Penn says, but Claude interrupts. He is tired of always hearing about a prince, and he wants to instead hear about a princess.
Claude wants to hear about princesses because he seems to identify as a girl, and he wants to see himself reflected in the story. Similarly, Claude does not want to be a “big-boy” because he doesn’t feel like a boy, which is why he gets upset when his brothers refer to him as a boy. This passage also reflects stereotypical assumptions of masculinity. Claude is just a child, but he is still encouraged to be a “big-boy” who is strong and doesn’t need tear-free shampoo.
Themes
Girls in stories, Roo says, are “losers.” Not because they aren’t any good, he explains, but because they are always losing their shoe, or their way in the woods, or their family, or their freedom. It never ends, Roo says. Claude begins to whine how unfair it is to never have a princess in their stories, so Penn decides to modify the story. He will tell them about Princess Grumwaldia, the leader of the fairies.
Roo’s comment that girls are always losing something in stories also reflects sexism, as it makes women and girls appear helpless and dependent on men or others to care for them. This, of course, is not the reality, which is perhaps why it irritates Roo. The fact that Penn must modify his story in the first place also reflects this sexism, as women are not initially represented at all.
Themes
Every day after school, Claude comes home and immediately changes into his princess dress. That summer, Rosie’s mother comes to stay like she always does. The kids call her Camry, a combination of her name, Carmelo, and Grammy. Camry is anything but a traditional grandmother, and she spends a lot of time smoking on the porch and swearing. She does, however, teach Rigel to knit. Ben uses the tassels Rigel knits as bookmarks, and Orion uses them as sweatbands while exercising, but Claude clips them to his head and pretends to have long hair. Camry lets Claude try on her dresses and jewelry, and when she takes him shopping for a new bathing suit, she buys him a pink bikini with yellow and white daisies.
Like Penn and Rosie, Camry does not conform to traditional gender stereotypes either. As a grandmother, Camry is expected to be reserved and do other grandmotherly things, like bake and sit in a rocking chair. Other than knitting, Camry is the exact opposite of this stereotype and instead smokes cigarettes and swears. Rigel’s interest in knitting also defies popular gender assumptions. Knitting is traditionally associated with women—old women like Camry—not a young boy like Rigel. Again, Claude’s use of the tassels to mimic long hair and his pink bikini again imply that his gender identity is at odds with his outward gender appearance.
Themes
As Rosie and Camry watch Claude run around the yard in his bikini, Camry asks if she is worried. “No?” Rosie answers, unsure of herself. Camry tells Rosie not to worry. Claude is happy and healthy, Camry says. Rosie agrees, but she is worried that other kids will make fun of him. Camry isn’t so sure, noting that kids aren’t like they used to be. Claude really isn’t the one Rosie is worried about, she admits, but Ben. Ben is skipping the sixth grade and going right into seventh, and she is afraid that Roo will feel invaded. Roo, however, seems excited to have his brother in his class and is already scheming ideas to cheat off him during tests.
Rosie phrases her answer like a question, which implies that she is worried about Claude’s behavior. He clearly does not identify as a boy, which will only become more of an issue the older he gets, as society expects him to identify with the gender he was assigned at birth. Still, Rosie isn’t overly concerned at the moment, and with four other children, she has plenty of other things to worry about.
Themes
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One Sunday afternoon, Penn and Rosie get the boys ready for a pool party, the neighborhood’s last summer hurrah before school starts. Orion wears flippers and a snorkel, and Ben wears khakis and a button up shirt, so no one will think he’s interested in swimming. And Claude insists on wearing his pink bikini. Penn and Rosie consider trying to talk him out of it, but they don’t want to give him the impression that they are proud of him at home but embarrassed of him in public, so the let him wear it. One of the boys asks Orion and Rigel why their brother is wearing a bikini. “I dunno,” Rigel says, and they all jump into the pool and begin playing.
Despite Rosie and Penn’s concerns over the pink bikini, it doesn’t seem to be as big of a deal as they fear. The other children don’t make fun of Claude or call him names, and only one child asks why he is wearing it. This mirror’s Camry’s opinion that kids aren’t like they use to be. The world is evolving, albeit slowly, and a boy in a bikini isn’t always considered such an odd thing. Rigel’s “I dunno,” however, still suggests that Rigel isn’t comfortable discussing his brother’s gender identity.
Themes
One of the women at the picnic asks Rosie where on earth she got Claude’s bathing suit since she has only boys. Rosie tells the woman that her mother bought it, and she’s a girl. Several fathers stop and comment to Penn about his son’s outfit. “Wow, that’s quite the getup your son has there,” the lifeguard says. Yes, Penn agrees: he tried to tell Orion that fins are only for the ocean, but he just wouldn’t listen. Watching the kids play, Penn notices Ben alone, reading a book.
Obviously, the lifeguard is talking about Claude, not Orion, and Penn knows this. Penn’s reaction is clearly meant to be funny, but it also downplays Claude’s bikini and points out that Orion is going against the grain, too, and there is not unusual about a child expressing who they are. Ben is quiet and withdrawn, unlike his brothers, and he clearly doesn’t fit traditional assumptions of how a young boy behaves or dresses either.
Themes
Concerned, Penn approaches Ben and asks him why he isn’t swimming. Ben shrugs, and Penn asks if he is worried about something. Ben doesn’t answer, so Penn gently pushes. Is he worried about school, Penn asks, about skipping a grade and going into Roo’s class? Ben admits he is, and he is also worried that the other kids won’t like him, and that Roo will be self-conscious because Ben is so much smarter. And, Ben says, he is worried about Claude. The other kids are going to make fun of him, and no one seems to care.
Ben’s stress over starting a new school and skipping a grade is appropriate, and his worry for his brothers speaks to the connection he has with them. Ben worries about his brothers, too, because he loves them and cares about their wellbeing, and he knows that the upcoming schoolyear will likely be stressful on everyone in their family.
Themes
Penn tells Ben that he should pick one thing on his list and only worry about that one thing, and then he won’t feel so overwhelmed. In that case, Ben says, he is going to worry about Claude. Penn is worried, too, but he has decided to keep his worry to himself. Kids can be cruel and parents gossip, but he is still hoping that Claude’s obsession with being a girl blows over. The next morning, when Claude comes down for school, he is wearing a perfectly pressed princess dress, which, Rosie must admit, is not too formal for school.
Ben’s deep concern for Claude reflects Ben’s love for his brother and their connection as family. Ben has his own worries, which to him are significant, but he puts Claude before himself. Claude’s obsession with dressing as a girl, the book implies, is not a phase he is going to outgrow. Claude is determined to be who he is, even if that doesn’t align with accepted gender roles, which despite being five, Claude understands.
Themes
