CAESAR

You will see Lepidus, and know for the future, that I am not naturally inclined to hate this great competitor of mine. Here's the news from Alexandria. He fishes, drinks, and stays up all night wasting his time with fun and games. He is no more masculine than Cleopatra is, and she, the Egyptian queen, is no more feminine than him. He hardly listened to my messenger or admitted that he had political partners back here at home. In this letter, you'll read about a man who exemplifies the faults of all men.

LEPIDUS

I cannot believe there are enough faults in the world to negate all his good qualities. In him, faults just serve to set off his good qualities more strongly. It seems that he inherited his vices rather than acquiring them. His faults are something he cannot change, not something that he chooses to have.

CAESAR

You're too lenient. Let's say, for argument's sake, that it's okay to have a sexual affair with Cleopatra, to give up his kingdom for the sake of entertainment, to sit and take turns drinking with a slave, to stagger drunkenly around the streets at noon, and wind up in fights with lowborn scoundrels who smell of sweat. Let's say that this behavior is appropriate for him—a man would have to have perfect character for all this not to count against him. Still, Antony can't excuse faults when we have to deal with such serious problems ourselves as a result of his irresponsibility. If he has filled his leisure time with sexual affairs, then he'll be punished with sickness from overeating and from venereal disease, and that's his problem. But he's wasting vital time and resources and putting all our positions in danger. He needs to be scolded, like any boy who knows what's right but chooses to do the wrong thing regardless. 

LEPIDUS

Here's more news. 

FIRST MESSENGER

Your orders have been carried out, and every hour, most noble Caesar, you'll have news about how things are going abroad. Pompey has strong military power at sea, and it seems that he's supported by people who only obeyed Caesar because they were afraid of him. These discontented people go to the ports, and they say Pompey has been badly mistreated. 

CAESAR

I should have guessed this would happen. It's been like this since the first government, people always wish for their leaders to gain power until they have actually done so. Fallen leaders, who are never loved until they are no longer worth loving, become dear to the people because they are gone. The common people are like a loose piece of cloth on a stream, going back and forth, following the changing tides, and ruining itself by constantly moving and changing.

SECOND MESSENGER

Caesar, I've come to tell you that Menecrates and Menas, those famous pirates, have taken over the sea, which they cross in vessels of every kind. They're coming into Italy by many roads—the territories on the coast aren't brave enough to stop them—and spirited young men revolt and join them. No ship can set sail without being captured as soon as it is seen, because Pompey's name alone is even more terrifying than his armies would be if they were met in battle.

CAESAR

Antony, come away from your self-indulgent celebrations. Once, when you were defeated at Modena, where you slew the consuls Hirtius and Pansa, you were beset by famine, and you fought against it with more endurance than someone used to living in the wild, even though you had been brought up in luxury. You drank horses' urine and drank from slime-covered puddles that even the animals wouldn't touch. You were willing to eat the toughest berries from the wildest bushes. In fact, when snow covered the pastures, you even ate the bark off of trees like a stag. Going over the Alps, they say that you ate strange foods that some people would rather die than eat. And you bore all this—it is a blow to your honor for me to say this now—you bore it so much like a soldier that your cheek didn't even grow hollow from hunger or exhaustion.

LEPIDUS

His current state is a great pity.

CAESAR

I hope he will be so ashamed of himself that he will quickly return to Rome. It's time that the two of us appeared on the battlefield, and for that purpose, I am calling a council immediately. Pompey thrives while we continue to do nothing.

LEPIDUS

Tomorrow, Caesar, I'll be able to tell you accurately what troops I will be able to assemble, both on sea and land, to face the enemy now.

CAESAR

And until we do face him, assembling troops is my business too. Farewell.

LEPIDUS

Farewell, my lord. In the meantime, when you know what's going on abroad, I ask you to let me know as well, sir. 

CAESAR

Don't doubt that I will. I know that's my responsibility.