Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in How to Win Friends and Influence People, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Self-Interest vs. Selflessness
Importance and Humility
Positivity vs. Negativity
Sincerity and Appreciation vs. Insincerity and Flattery
Summary
Analysis
Carnegie is personally fond of strawberries and cream—but when he goes fishing, he baits his hook with worms, because that’s what fish prefer. He writes that if we can do this with fish, we have to do the same with people. Rather than talking about what we want, the best way to influence people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Here, Carnegie introduces the idea that most people act in their own self-interest, but it’s important for people to be selfless and consider things from others’ perspective. This is particularly true because helping others can often benefit oneself. The fish metaphor is a good example, because it shows how the fishermen must consider what the fish want in order to get what they want—to catch the fish. Likewise, both parties benefit when people think about others’ needs.
Themes
For example, to get children not to smoke, parents shouldn’t talk about what they want. They should mention the fact that cigarettes can keep kids from making the basketball team. In another example, Ralph Waldo Emerson and his son were trying to push a calf into their barn, but the calf refused to leave the pasture. Then, their housemaid let the calf suck on her finger as she gently led it into the barn.
Carnegie’s examples illustrate the same point he made with the fishing metaphor. In each of these cases, the people who are able to think in terms of what others want are more successful than those who think only in terms of what they want.
Themes
Every act arises from some kind of desire—even someone giving charitable contributions is doing so because they want to lend a helping hand or do something for others. So, the best way to influence people is to talk in terms of what they want.
This passage emphasizes that most of the time, people are acting in their own self-interest—even when doing things that are considered selfless. But this chapter emphasizes that even if people are acting to further their own causes, the best way to accomplish their goals is to prioritize others at the same time.
Themes
Andrew Carnegie learned this idea early: his sister-in-law was worried that her sons at college weren’t writing back to her. So, Andrew wrote his nephews a letter, mentioning casually that he was sending each one a five-dollar bill—but he neglected to enclose the money. The replies came back immediately, thanking Andrew for his note and asking after the five dollars.
In this case, Andrew Carnegie is being selfless: he is writing to his nephews and he also plans to give them money. But he is also using his nephew’s desires in order to get what he wants from them, which is a response to the letter. In this way, the book illustrates one can get what one wants by understanding what others want—and by showing how what one wants is also in other people’s best interest.
Themes
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In another example, a boy named Tim was due to start kindergarten. But the night before, he protested that he would not go and threw a tantrum. Thinking about what might excite Tim about kindergarten, the rest of the family started to finger paint at their kitchen table. When Tim asked if he could join, they told him he had to go to kindergarten first to learn how to fingerpaint. That night, Tim slept in their living room chair, eager not to miss his first day.
This example plays on the same principle: because the family was able to think about the situation from Tim’s perspective, they were able to convince him to do what they wanted him to. While this was in their interests, this was also in Tim’s best interest, because they knew that going to kindergarten would be a good experience for him. Therefore, Carnegie illustrates that the purpose of his strategies is not only to help the reader, but to help the reader help others as well.
Themes
When persuading someone to do something, it is important to ask what would make them want to do it. Each year, Carnegie rented a ballroom in a New York hotel for a series of lectures, and one year, the price nearly tripled. He wrote a letter to the hotel, explaining that he could not pay that much, and that they would lose his business. As a result, they would lose the crowds that the lectures attract—which is essentially free advertising for the hotel. The next day, Carnegie gets a letter back saying that the rent would only increase 50 percent rather than 300 percent—which he accomplished by talking only about the hotel, not himself. If he had been outraged and refused to pay, he would never have gotten what he wanted.
Carnegie uses a personal example to illustrate his concepts, showing how viewing things from the hotel management’s perspective helped him get what he wanted—a reduced cost for the space. At the same time, Carnegie returns the idea that it’s better to approach disagreement with positivity rather than negativity. Instead of getting angry and defensive, Carnegie found common ground with the hotel. By focusing on that, and on being friendly, he was able to get what he wanted and prevented the hotel from losing his business as well.
Themes
These ideas align with Henry Ford’s statement that the secret of success is to see things from other people’s point of view. Carnegie takes an example from an advertising agency that sent a letter to local radio stations explaining that it wanted to retain its position as a leader in radio advertising. The letter asked the radio station to put the agency on a preferred list, letting the ad agency know about what the radio station was doing. Carnegie points out that the radio stations didn’t care about the ad company, and the ad company clearly didn’t know how to influence people to do anything.
Carnegie cites Henry Ford—a leader in American business at the time Carnegie was writing—in order to give his claims more credibility. He then uses the letter as an example of what not to do, showing how the company only spoke about its own interest rather than prioritizing the interests of the letter’s recipients. In this way, Carnegie again underscores the importance of not being self-interested and instead empathizing with others.
Themes
Carnegie gives another example of a letter from a superintendent of a large freight terminal, explaining that the operations at their station are being delayed because they are receiving too many deliveries in the afternoon, which causes delays. They ask companies who use the service to make an effort to get their trucks to the loading dock earlier—this would mean the products would be shipped on time. The problem with the letter is that what the companies are most interested in comes last.
This letter has some of the same issues as the letter from the radio company. The letter first asks for something that would be in the superintendent’s own interest—asking the recipients to get their orders in earlier before discussing how that would benefit the recipients. As it reads now, the letter is too focused on the superintendent’s interest, again highlighting the need to prioritize what others want in business dealings.
Themes
Carnegie then rewrites the letter. In it, he explains that the terminal is grateful for the companies’ business and apologizes for delays. He then writes that these delays can be avoided if the companies make the truck deliveries earlier in the morning when possible. Lastly, he does not ask for a response, explaining that he knows that the person is busy.
The rewritten letter communicates essentially the same situation, but instead of talking about it from the terminal’s perspective, Carnegie focuses on what the recipients would want to hear: contrition for delays, acknowledgement that they are busy, and information that would help them avoid the delays in the future. He suggests that following these guidelines make for a much more effective letter.
Themes
This strategy works for people applying to jobs as well—like Barbara Anderson, who explains in a cover letter how her qualifications can help the company rather than stating what she wants out of a job offer. Carnegie writes that thousands of salespeople are hustling for deals, but people don’t usually want to buy things—if they did, they would simply go out and buy them. Instead, salespeople should show customers how they can solve the customers’ problems, because that will convince them to buy things.
Here, Carnegie reframes something as basic as a job application. People generally think of job applications from their own perspective, hoping that they’ll get hired and thinking about what the company can offer them. But Barbara Anderson illustrates that it’s much more effective to think about what she can offer the company—because that is the perspective that company higher-ups have when they read cover letters.
Themes
Carnegie’s student J. Howard Lucas tells the story of how two salespeople, Carl and John, handled the same situation. Carl dropped by Lucas’s insurance agency and casually mentioned that his company introduced a new life insurance policy for executives, and he thought they might be interested. He said, however, that he would get back to them when he had more information. That same day, John happened upon Lucas and his colleagues outside on a break, and he excitedly told them about the life insurance policy. He said that he wanted them to the first people to get it, and that he would have someone come out and explain it the next day but that in the meantime they could get the applications signed. His enthusiasm made them want the policy, and Carl didn’t make the same effort.
This story illustrates quite clearly how Carnegie’s strategy works. While Carl and John are selling the same insurance policy, only John is able to think from Lucas and his colleagues’ perspective. First, he gets them excited about the policy, particularly by making it seem somewhat exclusive and telling them that he wants them to be the first people to receive the policy. Prioritizing them, along with having a positive and enthusiastic attitude, is what makes John more successful than Carl.
Themes
The world is full of people who are self-serving, and so the rare unselfish individual has an advantage. The most important point in the book is to think in terms of other people’s point of view so that you can talk in terms of what other people want. For example, one father was trying to get his son to eat properly because he was underweight. The boy was often bullied, and his father told him that the boy would be able to defend himself if he ate better because the food would make him stronger—and he subsequently ate anything his parents gave him.
This passage generalizes the principle that Carnegie has been alluding to in this chapter’s examples. He acknowledges that, generally, people are self-interested and are constantly trying to benefit themselves. But it is the people who can think about others and prioritize their needs—like this father considering his son’s perspective—who actually become the most successful.
Themes
The same young boy wet the bed constantly, and no amount of spanking or scolding would prevent him from doing so. And so, his parents found out what he wanted: a bed of his own. At the store, his mother told the salesgirl that her son wanted to buy his own bed, and the salesgirl made him feel important by asking his opinions and helping him decide what to buy. At home, he vowed not to wet the bed—and he didn’t, because it was his bed and he wanted to treat it well.
This example again illustrates the benefit of empathizing with the young boy and trying to treat him positively rather than criticizing or punishing him. At the same time, it illustrates the power of making people feel important. By encouraging their son and giving him something he wanted, the parents were able to instill a sense of importance and pride in their son that helped him overcome his bedwetting.
Themes
Another little girl wouldn’t eat breakfast, but she loved to imitate her mother, so her parents let her make her own breakfast cereal. As a result, she ate two helpings without any coaxing, because she felt important and found an avenue in self-expression by doing it. The same principles can be found in business—it’s important to make the person want to do something for themselves, otherwise they won’t do it.
As with the little boy’s parents in the previous story, the little girl’s parents think about the issue from their daughter’s perspective. They not only prioritize what she wants—self-expression and independence—but they make her feel important, which is another key aspect of making people want to do something.
Themes
