Self-Interest vs. Selflessness
How to Win Friends and Influence People’s subject matter is evident in its title: the book’s goal is to help readers understand human relations, persuade others to their point of view, and learn how to change people’s behavior in both professional and personal settings. One of Carnegie’s foundational premises in the book is that people are generally self-serving and self-important. At the same time, people who act selflessly are more likely to succeed…
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Importance and Humility
Early in the book, Carnegie introduces the idea that people want to feel important—it is as basic a need as food, shelter, or well-being. Yet of all the basic needs, he writes, this is the one that is gratified least often. So, one of the best ways to make others feel good is to provide and maintain that feeling of importance for them, which often means that one has to be humble. When proposing an…
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Positivity vs. Negativity
Throughout the book, Carnegie touches on the old maxim that “a drop of honey can catch more flies than a gallon of gall,” which is to say, it’s better to be positive than negative. In the examples he gives, it’s more helpful to affirm others’ good behavior than to criticize bad behavior. For instance, smiling can be one of the best ways to make friends; and in an argument, it’s more useful to start with…
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Sincerity and Appreciation vs. Insincerity and Flattery
Some of the criticism of How to Win Friends and Influence People stems from the idea that the book is insincere. Writer Sinclair Lewis, for example, believed that Carnegie’s method taught readers to smile and pretend to be interested in others just so that they could take advantage of people. But the book dictates quite the opposite, making a distinction between genuine appreciation of others and insincere flattery. Carnegie argues that if flattery worked…
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