Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in How to Win Friends and Influence People, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Self-Interest vs. Selflessness
Importance and Humility
Positivity vs. Negativity
Sincerity and Appreciation vs. Insincerity and Flattery
Summary
Analysis
Charles Schwab was passing through his steel mill when he noticed employees smoking under a sign that said “No Smoking.” Instead of yelling at them, he gave each one a cigar and said he would appreciate it if they smoked outside instead.
Because Schwab didn’t call out his employees’ mistakes directly, he maintained their respect and good will. On the other hand, criticizing them would likely have made them annoyed and defensive.
Themes
Many people begin criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but.” Using “but” makes people question the sincerity of the original phrase. This is easily rectified by changing “but” to “and.” In changing a child’s attitude toward studying, one might say, “We’re really proud of you for raising your grades, but if you had worked harder in algebra, you would have done better. Instead, it’s better to say, “We’re really proud of you for raising your grades, and if you continue your efforts, your algebra grade can match the others.” With the latter statement, there is no inference of failure, and instead the student will try to live up to expectations.
In this passage, Carnegie clarifies the principle he established in the previous chapter. He emphasizes that the praise people give cannot be immediately negated by criticism. Rather, criticism should call attention to mistakes indirectly, reframing them in a positive way. In this example, the parents don’t criticize their child for a bad grade but instead express the hope that they can continue improving in school.
Themes
Calling attention to mistakes indirectly can be useful. Marge Jacob was dealing with construction workers building additions on her house, and the first few days they were there, she noticed the yard was strewn with lumber. So, she and her kids picked up the mess, and then she told the construction workers that she was pleased with the way the front lawn was left last night. From that day forward, they cleaned it up themselves.
Even though Marge was the one who cleaned up the lawn at first, the construction workers wanted to live up to her praise and therefore started doing it themselves. In this way, this example again illustrates how positive feedback works better than negative feedback.
Themes
One day, Lyman Abbott was invited to make a speech for his friend’s passing. When his wife read the speech—which was poor and very dry—she remarked that it would make an excellent article for the North American Review. She praised it while at the same time implying that it wouldn’t do well as a speech. He saw the point and spoke without using any notes at all. An effective way to correct mistakes is to call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Again, Carnegie illustrates how praise can still call attention to mistakes—like in Abbott’s wife’s remarks about her husband’s speech—but without making a person feel dejected or denigrated. Criticizing through positivity, Carnegie suggests, is much better than condemning someone outright.
Themes
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